Tuesday, November 06, 2007

TMI Tuesday

Even though Halloween was LAST week and these questions would have been more appropriate LAST Tuesday, here's TMI Tuesday's Halloween Edition.

(Please look for TMI Tuesday's Thanksgiving Edition to appear sometime next March.)

1. Do you believe in ghost? If so have you every seen one?

I feel like I should answer that question like Bert Lahr in THE WIZARD OF OZ...

"I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks.
I do, I do, I do, I do, I DO believe in spooks!"

Cause I do. And while I've never seen one, I have had ghosts make themselves known in my presence.

For instance, a few Christmases ago, I was standing back and admiring the Christmas tree I had decorated with my ex and was concentrating on the clear ornament that had a simple red ribbon inside it. I bought it the year that my friend and mentor Lemmie Smith died and I was thinking of him when suddenly, the entire Christmas tree started falling towards me.

I grabbed it and quickly set it upright again and only one ornament had fallen off and was broken. You guessed it - - it was the one with the AIDS ribbon. Rob said he was so sorry about the broken ornament, but I told him not to worry. That broken ornament was Lemmie's way of telling me...

"Girl, stop being so fucking morose!
Grab a cocktail and let's go watch a strip show!"

I know Lemmie was right beside me at that moment. I know it.

2. What’s the scariest movie you ever saw?

I don't know the name of it, but it was a movie with a bunch of short scenes and one of them had a man opening up a letter written in blood that ended with, "You know you really have no..." and then he unfolded the rest of the letter and there was a human heart at the bottom... still pumping.

Cheesy and stupid? Yes, but I was away at camp - - which I hated - - and even though I begged the counselors to let me be excused from watching the movie because I really didn't like scary movies, they said no. And I had nightmares for months after that.

I'll find those camp counselors one day. It won't be pretty.

3. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if it was haunted?

No, because I am not the typical stupid white person as they are depicted in the movies.

When the house - - THE HOUSE!!! - - whispers to me "Get out," I get the fuck out!

I don't need blood in the bathtub or flies swarming on one wall to convince me to leave. All I need is one whisper and I'm gone!

4. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if the last person had been murdered in it?

No again. You can make fun of me for being superstitious but I can take people laughing at me WHEN I'M ALIVE. What I can't take is being murdered. Especially if, right before I was murdered I thought to myself...

"This is EXACTLY what happened to the last guy who lived here.
I'm a fuckin' IDIOT to have moved in here!!!"

5. What was your most favorite costume you wore for Halloween?

I remember this question from a previous TMI Tuesday and I'm simply going to repeat my answer from that day...

Even though it was made of poster board - - one piece of poster board - - and was, therefore, severely two-dimensional, I LOVED the costume that my mother made for me when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and really wanted to be Aslan for Halloween.

I'm sure that, from the front, I looked like a chipmunk who stuck his paw in a light socket and from any other angle, I looked like a strange child wearing a carpet on his body and some cut up poster poster board on his head...

But my mama made it for me and I remember walking through the hallways of Powell Elementary School with an attitude that said...

"You SO wish you were wearing this. But you're not. I am. Suffer bitch."

Bonus (as in optional): What’s your most memorable Halloween memory?

My brother, my cousin Rhonda and I were Trick-or-Treating in my neighborhood. My father always went along with us and stood at the curb.

I believe I was Batman (shock), Jeff was Mickey Mouse and Rhonda was a Devil of some sort. No theme to link the three of us together. We didn't need themes back then. It was the 70's. Everyone was high.

We walked up to one house, rang the doorbell and a cute, perky girl of about 16 answered the door. We yelled "Trick or treat!" and the girl at the door screamed bloody murder.

She screamed as if we had actually frightened her within an inch of her life with our costumes. She screamed and then she fainted.

The three of us slowly looked at each other. We didn't know what to do. We looked back at the passed out body of the girl and inched our heads closer to her when suddenly, an arm that looked like it belonged to the Wolfman grabbed the girl and slowly began to drag her limp body out of the door frame.

We were frozen. We couldn't move. We watched as her body was dragged out of view and then - - BAM!!! - - the door slammed in our faces!

We screamed and yelled and nearly peed our pants as we raced back to my father who was standing on the curb laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face.

I don't remember anything else about that Halloween, but Trick-or-Treating at that house will be with me for the rest of my life!


the joy said...

Best story ever! As a person who never trick or treated, I am jealous! The Christmas tree thing... That was really special. I'm sure your heart settled after that.

Renee said...

Still laughing at your ghostie story. I've had several of those moments. I'll take a situation like that to say 'This is my cue to head for the liquor'.;)

We still don't do costume themes here to my MILs chagrin. Like this year, she snarked about Spider-man having nothing to do with ninjas or Cinderella. Bitch!

Valyna said...

That house you trick or treated at would have been a great one to go to! I love it when people actually put an effort into Halloween.

Odd story about your Christmas tree episode. It's nice to have someone close to you check in like that - even if they're breaking your shit ;)

Happy TMI!!!

Stephen Rader said...

the joy - My heart definitely settled after that. You're so right!

renee - Those ghost moments are DEFINITELY times to head for the liquor! Amen!! Love your blog, by the way. Thanks for commenting!

Valyna - Yep!!! It's odd but that was Lemmie!! Checking in and breaking shit!! :)

searabbit said...

This is so great! I love your answers a lot!
Happy TMI!

Stephen Rader said...

searabbit - Thanks! Great blog!!

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

LMAO! The people at that house ruled!

Do you remember the year we did the "haunted house" at the mall?

Catty Bitch said...

LERVE the halloween memory!

Palm Springs Savant said...

this was a good TMI post. cute trick or treating story. My favorite costume was when my mom dressed me up as a hooker. And she wonders....

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - I TOTALLY remember that!! I remember I couldn't talk for days after that because of all the screaming I did. :)

Catty Bitch - Thanks!!! It's one of my favorites!!!!

Rick - Your. Mom. Dressed you up. As a. HOOKER?!?!?! WFT?!?! I love your mom!! :)

Aaron said...

That house where the girl fainted went to all that trouble because they were too cheap to buy candy. What, they couldn't have sprung for a bag of mini-Baby Ruths? ;-)

That movie you're talking about is from an episode of "Night Gallery" (the pilot, I think). Where the two nasty rich guys torment the poor old neighbor man who fixes up toys for poor kids so much that he hangs himself, then comes back from the dead and kills the younger one and sends his heart to the older one with that note.

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Shut up!! You know that!!!!! Would NIGHT GALLERY have had a bunch of different scenes with different stories? I love that you know that!!!

Aaron said...

AND I was totally wrong--it was NOT "Night Gallery," it was the "Tales From The Crypt" movie in the early 1970s--one of the other segments featured Joan Collins being strangled by a Santa impersonator who came down her chimney (she couldn't call the cops for help because she'd just murdered her own husband and they might--well, you know--ask questions!)

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - You know the scary thing about that? I don't remember the Santa Claus theme at all, but now that you mention it, I TOTALLY remember Joan Collins. I was such a Fag In Training. :)

Aaron said...

So was SHE!! :-) (Think about it: did you ever see her and Danny LaRue in the same place...?)

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - So true. So very, very true. :)

just me said...

I think I grew up in a haunted house. At night, you could hear someone walking in the attic, back and forth, but the weird thing is, it only had cross beams. A lot of strange things went on there. Some of it could have been paranormal, but most of it was just us.

Stephen Rader said...

just me - That is exactly why I love your writing. "A lot of strange things went on there. Some of it could have been paranormal, but most of it was just us." That is so wonderful, so Southern and so perfect.