Saturday, June 30, 2007

Rainbow of Terror

I just ran across the news that yesterday, two cars packed with explosives were discovered outside a nightclub near Piccadilly Circus in London and today a flaming Jeep Cherokee rammed into Glasgow's airport.

Yes, you're right, I would probably make a joke about a flaming Jeep Cherokee sounding like an extremely nelly SUV - - probably driven by Tom Cruise - - if the threat being presented wasn't so frightening.

In reading about how the U.K. is reacting to this bomb threat, I noticed something - - the United Kingdom has simple, precise and informative Terror Alert System.

And it's not color coded.

This is the U.K.'s Terror Alert System...

  • Low - an attack is unlikely
  • Moderate - an attack is possible, but not likely
  • Substantial - an attack is a strong possibility
  • Severe - an attack is highly likely
  • Critical - an attack is expected imminently

By doing a quick google search, I found the UK government's web page that lists these levels, announces the current Terror Alert Level, and then goes into great detail to describe how the government decides the current Terror Level and who in the government decides on the current Terror Level.

The site even has a short paragraph describing "How the Public should respond to different National Threat Levels."

Then, there's our Homeland Security Advisory System

It's color-coded. I guess that's supposed to make the system easier to understand - - as if Americans don't know the difference between "Low" and "Severe."

Well, now that I'm thinking of my relatives, maybe some can't. Still, the Red at the top of the chart is kind of overkill for me. It makes me feel like Robby the Robot is going to leap out any minute, flail his arms and shout "Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!"

And as Mario Cantone said in his brilliant one-man show LAUGH WHORE...

"What Alert are we at now? Yellow? Last week was Burnt Sienna. Where the fuck are we today?

Blue. Green. Red. Orange. It's a Rainbow of Terror!

Who designed this shit? The Gay Men's Chorus?!?"

But color-coding is all the U.S. gives it's citizens. Unlike the U.K., the United States Homeland Security web page for the Advisory System doesn't describe how the government decides the current level, nor does it describe who in the government decides on the current level.

It's interesting that Homeland Security has kept us at an Advisory Level of "Elevated" for so long - - a level which means "Significant Risk of Terrorist Attacks" - - and now that there actually IS a significant risk of a terrorist attack in light of what's going on in London and Glasgow, they can't increase the Advisory Level to the proper place in their system. And to increase the Level to "High" would be ridiculous and might possibly cause panic.

But then, that's what George W. and the people at Homeland Security want to do - - cause panic, keep the herd in line.

I have no idea who created this little edit of the Advisory System, but it perfectly describes how the United States government wants us all to feel.

Will we ever be at the Frankenberry Level again? Will we?

Friday, June 29, 2007

Ann, Elizabeth, Luke and Ron

Dealing with my apartment's mini-flood, I missed the following quote made by Ann Coulter on GOOD MORNING AMERICA earlier this week...

"If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot"
- Ann Coulter

Later in the week, when Ms. Coulter was on HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS, Elizabeth Edwards said the following via phone...

"The things she (Coulter) has said over the years, not just about John but about other candidates, lowers the political dialogue at precisely the time we need to raise it."
- Elizabeth Edwards

Ms. Edwards went on to say that the felt Ms. Coulter's words were "a dialogue on hatefulness and ugliness."

While I absolutely agree with Ms. Edwards that Ms. Coulter's words are indeed hateful and ugly, I find them interesting when compared to a comment she made two days after the tragedy of September 11th...

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."
- Ann Coulter

It's fascinating to me that the warmongers in this country are the very same people who claim to know and to love Jesus Christ.

I am not a Bible scholar, but I can read The Gospel of Luke which says...

But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,

Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.

Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

- Luke 6:27-31, KJV

In my opinion, no one running for the Office of the Presidency understands this more than Congressman Ron Paul.

I never would have thought in a million years that I would seriously consider voting for a Republican, but after seeing this clip of Congressman Paul at one of the earlier Republican debates, I believe I have found a man who might possibly be able to bring the country out of the Bush darkness.

"We need to look at what we do from the perspective of what would happen if somebody else did it to us."
- Congressman Ron Paul

I was in the Middle East in 2000. When the towers fell, I remembered the people I had met, the things they said. It was clear to me that from everything they knew and understood about us, we are the Evil Empire. We are the baby killers.

If we truly are the ultimate Super Power in the world and if we do believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ, shouldn't we be the first to sit down at the table, talk to our enemies and try to understand why they hate us BEFORE we bomb their cities, kill their civilians and take over countries?

Apparently not. Christians like Ms. Coulter and G.W. call for and give an eye for an eye. Ms. Coulter even goes so far as to want to "kill their leaders."

Ms. Coulter, if Paris Hilton actually did read her Bible in prison, perhaps she could teach you this very basic verse from Luke...

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.
- Luke 6:37, KJV

Sac City

Bill in Exhile posted this pic and it just made me giggle.

I mean, my eye immediately went down to the boy's basket - - and the last time I saw a basket like that it was around Red Ridinghood's arm - - and then I looked up at the name on his Lycra.

The name just says it all!

But the best part is that there actually IS a Sac City.

It's in Iowa.

Go know.

Good Cop, Baby Cop

At the end of a very interesting post from An Angry White Guy in Chicago, I found this video and I love it.

Even more than I loved FANTASTIC FOUR: THE RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER, which I saw last night

And the new FF movie has Chris Evans in it.

Half naked.

So, that's saying a lot.

Good Cop, Baby Cop


I saw this little online test on Mike's blog and I just couldn't resist taking it.

And ya'll, once again the internet is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!

Your Score: Dionysus

0% Extroversion, 13% Intuition, 100% Emotiveness, 76% Perceptiveness

Although deeply emotional, you are extremely lacking in self-knowledge. You are somewhat needy, and when bored, may become very hedonistic. Your life is a quest for meaning, above all else. You are most like Dionysus. You are primarily interested in serving others, but your efforts are almost always unappreciated. You aren't confrontational, you're often out of tune with your own needs and unaware of the consequences of your own actions.

You are, at heart, a good person. You are very affectionate, and you are very loyal to your friends and family. You are very reluctant to burden others with your own problems, to the point that this in itself can become a problem for the people who care about you. This is a particular of a more general problem. Dionysus sends wave of ruin throughout his personal life. He is the photographer who seduces his subjects. He is the teacher who seduces a student. He is the art student who paints nonrepresentational splashes of color, he is the poet who rejects meter and content. You seek sexual partners more than anything else (this is to exploit the nurturing side of others to help fill your own void). If not sexual partners, this desire to become the object of sympathy with other people can manifest itself in other destructive ways. Stinkfist by Tool explains your condition pretty well. It's very likely that you haven't had many experienced mentors. You don't want them either, because you're the sort of person who rejects criticism and boundaries, but they're also your only hope for reaching any kind of emotional maturity.

Famous People Like You: John Lennon, Mick Jagger, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe, Hugh Hefner
I'd tell you to stay clear of Hermes, Icarus and Apollo, but you could probably learn something from them. You're least likely to hurt The Oracle, Atlas, Prometheus, and Daedalus, but Atlas and Daedalus won't like you very much.
Seek out: The Oracle, Prometheus

Link: The Greek Mythology Personality Test written by Aleph_Nine on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I know I should probably be offended by phrases like...

"extremely lacking in self-knowledge"

"somewhat needy"

"when bored, may become very hedonistic"

But when it says, "You are, at heart, a good person. You are very affectionate, and you are very loyal to your friends and family," who am I to say no to that description?

And let's face it, if I truly am "the photographer who seduces his subjects" and "the teacher who seduces a student," sure that's really decadent but isn't it friggin' HOT?!?!

Skydiving Speedos

My cousin Kristie - - the thoughtful, lovely, sexy one who gave me my very own Instant Adoring Boyfriend - - emailed me a picture of her sweetie, J, in response to my Speedo Junkie post.

J loves skydiving and this is a picture of his 100th jump.

As Kristie explained in the email...

"Your supposed to do a naked skydive on your 100th jump but J was a little bashful about that so we found this great toucan speedo at Fredericks."

Kristie added...

"Check out the beak.

And people wonder why we've been together for ten years!

All the girls at the dropzone are so jealous."

I'll bet they are jealous. I'm jealous!

That's a pretty... ummm... "full beak" that J's got there, Kristie.

Please let J know that when your beak is that full, there is absolutely NOTHING to be bashful about!!!

If all of the guys are as hot as J, maybe I should take up skydiving... Hmmm...

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Vibrate Me

I am proud and extremely happy to say that my mother is no longer just my parent, she is now my friend.

And as friends, I'm sure that sometimes we say things to each other that most mothers and sons would never say to each other.

For example, when I was ending our daily phone call this morning and told her that I would call her cell phone later this evening, she said...

"I'm gonna leave it on vibrate, so call me.

When I'm naked, I don't have no pocket to put it in."

Funny. Slightly naughty. With just a hint of something even kinkier.

The apple does not fall far from the tree.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Rains Came (Or Is It Runs?)

I am big believer in the idea that God sometimes gives us blessings that we initially perceive as bad luck or Murphy's Law or the karmic equivalent of walking through a cow pasture and heel-toe'ing into manure with each and every step.

For example, yesterday morning - - early, early morning - - I woke up with a nasty stomach ache and something Southerners refer to as "The Green Apple Quick Steps."

(If you don't have a clue what that means, go here and read the definition in the middle of the page.)

I decided to stay at home, drink tons of the The Pink Stuff and gobble Immodium until my intestinal track ran as slow as the CTA.

Then, it happened.

What is "it?" Well, you know that phrase, "Sometimes there's God so quickly," right? Well, in my case, I was sitting at my desk here at home working on my laptop and then...

"Sometimes I'm Shelly Winters so quickly."

There was incredibly loud thunder and out of nowhere rain started pouring in sheets. This happens about every other day in the South, so thunder and lightening don't freak me out very much...

But four inches of rain in a 30 minute period that starts gushing into my little basement apartment like a queer mini-Niagra Falls MOST DEFINITELY freaks me out.

In minutes, water was pouring through both doors of my apartment. I ran back and forth through all the rooms unplugging everything and moving anything near floor-level to higher ground.

Then, the power went out in my building.

I am sure I looked like Jodi Foster in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS as I stumbled blindly trying to save... well, I wasn't trying to save a full figured girl in a well... I was trying to save my Judy Garland dvd's!

The rain was quick and hard - - which I enjoy in most things, but when it comes to floods, not so much. In less than half an hour, I was standing in four feet of water throughout my entire apartment.

Luckily, I was able to save nearly everything. Nothing was really ruined. Not my Tivo, not my comic books, not my laptop, not my stereo or my vintage Bette Midler albums. Nothing.

And you see, if God hadn't give me The Green Apple Quick Steps in the morning, I would have lost several of those things to this 30 minute flood.

So it's true. Sometimes there is God so quickly.

But God, if you don't mind - - the next time, could you give me something a little more attractive than diarrhea? I would greatly appreciate it.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Andy Roddick: Up and Over

I've never really followed tennis. I've never really been a fan of the game.

That said, if Andy Roddick keeps doing things like THIS at Wimbledon, I will be buying a tennis racket and... shall we say... "learning the in's and out's of the sport" in the VERY near future.

What IS he doing there?

And why was I not there to help him out when he was IN that position?

Thanks to Guys Next Door for posting the pic.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Gay Pride 2007 - Part One

Okay, here it is, folks. Chicago's very own...

Gay Pride Parade 2007

I met Michael and Ryan at the corner of Cocksucker and Rimjob... err... I mean... Roscoe and Broadway...

For reasons that I don't understand but I truly love, Michael and Ryan's first question to me when I arrived at our Homo Central du jour was something to the effect of...

"Which one of the DESIGNING WOMEN are you?"

I immediately said that I would accept NOTHING less than Julia (the radiant Dixie Carter), which left Michael to claim Bernice (Alice Ghostly). Say hello, "Bernice."

Wait. What does that button say on "Bernice's" leg?

Oh, "Bernice." You're so fantastically trashy. We love you so.

Cutie-patootie Ryan chose Charlene. Since he would be our Rose if we were THE GOLDEN GIRLS, it fits perfectly.

But ya'll. Look at what I caught "Charlene" doing...

Folks, the picture above is rare, Rare, RARE!!!

That's a picture of a gay man actually EATING IN FRONT OF OTHER GAY MEN AT A GAY PRIDE PARADE!!!!

Seeing a gay man eat a muffin in public at a gay pride parade is like seeing Tom Cruise lick pussy - - it just DOESN'T HAPPEN NATURALLY!!!

Okay... ummm... "Charlene" seems to be enjoying her muffin a little too much, don'tcha think?

It didn't take long until we were met by my good friends Karen, Philip, Lynda, Doug, Jackie, Mike, Andy "Charlene's" friend Phillipe and Karen's friends AJ and Steven.

Then, the parade began! Here are some of the highlights.

Notice that my "highlights" center on half-naked men. I know the first rule of mass media...

"Give the people what they want!"

The float in the picture above is for Roscoe's and I sure hope that's a "20 Years" and not a "10 Years" sign. I think they are lying about their age even at 20 years.

I mean, wasn't Roscoe's around when our boys came home from The Great War? And even THEN, it was populated by barely legal twinks in flip-flops and white belts.

Let's see, who sponsored the float in the picture above?

Men + Shorty-Short Towels + Bubbles = Bathhouse!

That's right. It's Steamworks. Steamworks celebrated a big anniversary last year and decorated the front of their building with a huge string of pearls. I remember saying to someone...

"Why does Steamworks have a big pearl necklace around it's... oh... nevermind..."

The picture above is of the Circuit float.

As I took this picture, the boy in the center caught me doing my best Jimmy Olsen of his amazingly hot physique and grinned like a cute 5 year old boy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Then, he pointed at me and blew me a kiss. I would like to publicly announce right here and now that I would like to personally thank him for his kind kiss and return it with a blow of my own. One of the "job" variety.

He is HOT!

The rest of the Circuit float was pretty fabulous too. I love the guy in the red wings (Did I just type "red wings?" Oh my dear Lord...), but the boy in pink wins the prize for "Hottest Boy With Wings" of the day.

"Think Pink," indeed.

More Gay Pride Parade coverage to come.

Tomorrow, I will post pictures from the end of the parade and cute pictures of AJ, Steven, Karen, Phillipe and the lovely Dan who walked the parade route in his underwear for his upcoming production of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM.

When the crowd wasn't giving him all the hooting and hollering and applause that is indeed NECESSARY when one is marching, Dan would scream at the crowd...

"Look, bitches. I'm walking down the street IN MY UNDERWEAR!!! I'm not doing this so you can just stand there and take pictures. MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE!!!"

That's why I love me some Dan.

Hope everyone had a Happy Pride!

Remembering Why We March

A number of years ago, I was in New York for the 25th Anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.

I saw a man holding up a sign with a gorgeous picture of Judy Garland on it that simply said...

"Death of a Legend.

Birth of a Movement."

They can debunk the belief that after Judy Garland's death, the patrons of the Stonewall Inn weren't going to take another police raid. I believe Judy's death motivated them to riot.

And these weren't the "Will Truman" gays who rioted. These were the fairies, the drag queens and the bull dykes. They are the ones who stood up to the corrupt police. We have THEM to thank for any "Gay Rights" we have in this country.

And I believe in my heart of hearts that the death of Judy Garland created the spark that ignited that riot.

So today on Gay Pride Day here in Chicago, let's remember Francis Ethel Gumm...

And the woman she became...

Judy Garland...

And let's remember the fairies and drag queens and bull dykes.

Today - - and all days - - let's celebrate our fabulous differences.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Speedo Junkie

I subscribe to a lot of blogs. Too many blogs. Way too many blogs.

I subscribe to so many blogs that I find myself spending a couple of hours in the early morning or evening reading through everyone's posts.

Hours I used to spend at the gym.

Which is probably why I will not be shirtless at Gay Pride this year.

Well, that coupled with the Cold Stone Creamery that opened less than a block from my apartment a couple of years ago. I knew that would be the end of my "lean and hungry look."

Luckily, some of the blogs to which I subscribe don't require reading. They are merely for my visual pleasure. Like Speedo Junkie.

Yep. That's the name. Speedo Junkie. Two simple words that say so much.

For instance, this was the first picture for today's post from Speedo Junkie...

Yeah. That's why I subscribe.

I call the picture above...

"Kneel Before Zod as Rodin's THE THINKER (in your speedo)."

But the second picture of today's Speedo Junkie post made me giggle. In addition to being slightly funny, it sort of sums up one aspect of the gay experience...

I can just hear the inner monologue of the twinky princess on the left...

"Ummm... what the fuck is that hanging around his neck?!?

"Okay, why wasn't I given a cute, dangly necklace to draw attention to my incredibly cut pecs and boyish yet masculine nipples?

"This is bullshit! First, I didn't get the black square cuts with the cute, white drawstring and now this!

"I knew I should have hit the tanning bed harder in December, I KNEW IT!!!"

Calm down, girl. There's enough pretension and shallow narcissism for all ya'll.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. I'm just bitter cause I miss my abs. Bye bye, bread. It was nice having you around for awhile.

But let's not end this on a sad note of "diets yet to come." Let's end it with another picture from today's Speedo Junkie posting.

True, the swimwear is a slightly reminiscent of EPCOT Center's INNOVENTIONS circa '83, but are we really looking at the color palate? Really?

Thursday, June 21, 2007


I subscribe to a very hot and very informative blog - - Bill in Exile.

I say "informative" because of the wonderful political quotes that are posted daily.

I say "hot" because of the... well... HOT pictures of naked men also posted daily.

The description of the blog says it all...

Scott and Bill

Scott lives in Seattle, while Bill is enjoying the US Governments hospitality.

Bill In Exile contains letters written between Bill and Scott while Bill is in prison as well as a bunch of other shit.

Some of what this site contains may not be work safe and some of it may not be appropriate for those under 18 years of age. Navigate away if you have doubts.

Indeed. Check out the pictures of hot, naked men if you doubt Bill in Exile to be "work safe" or "not appropriate for those under 18 years of age." Those of you not at work and over 18 years of age will thank me. I'm sure of it.

In a recent post, Scott expressed his dismay that an online blog rating system gave Bill in Exile a PG rating.

I decided to see what kind of rating this online system would give to ARE YOU THERE, BLOG?

This is what I received...

Before I show you their reasoning behind my NC-17 rating, please note that I have never - - not once - - posted a picture of a fully naked man or woman and I have never posted any graphically violent pictures. None. At all.

That said, this is how this little online blog rating service justifies my NC-17 rating...

Isn't it sad that in 2007, we are still afraid of words?

Isn't it odd that pictures of that horrific freak who shot and killed 30 plus college students can be shown on the 6 o'clock news over and over and over pointing a gun into the camera and sneering, but the words "fag" and "pussy" are cause for "No One 17 And Under Admitted?"

And isn't it nice to know during Pride Month that the word "gay" is offensive? What would you prefer, Ratings Judges? Pooftah? Fairy? Man Who Kisses Another Man And Scares The Fuck Out Of Everyone Else On The Street? That's basically what you're saying when you think that the word "gay" is offensive.

And for the record, when I mentioned "scat," I was talking about the style of singing created by jazz legend Ella Fitzgerald. Where did your dirty mind go when you saw the word "scat," Mr. Judge?

Your fear of the words I write says more about you than my use of those words will ever say about me.

Not For The Pee Shy

I just saw this first picture posted on Famous Like Me.

I have no idea where it's from, but guys...

Would you use it?

And as if that one isn't daunting enough, how about a row full of these?

It's like pissing in those troughs at Wrigley Field during a Cubs game...

...except instead of male Cubs fans checking out your stuff, it's girls.

Tomato. ToMAHto.


Far be it from me to ever say, "I told you so," but...

I told you so.

What was reported to be the new Batcycle for the new Batman movie THE DARK KNIGHT is not the new Batcycle at all.

Yeah, I called it.

THIS is the new Batcycle. Actually, it's called the Batpod.

Love it, love it, LOVE IT!!!

My friend Michael found this picture of the Batpod and all of the up-to-date Bat-Info at Towelroad.

There's also this dark but still yummy picture of hottie McToddie Christian Bale and in the picture he is... well...

I feel dirty just typing this, but the truth is that this is...

Christian Bale Riding His Batpod

Do we live in a great country or what?

Towelroad also had this picture of Jesse Metcalfe, former high school gardner for the DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, hanging out in Adam West's old Bat-ride.

"Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed!"

Hey, Jesse. We've just seen Christian Bale sitting on his Batpod. You're gonna have to do something to up the ante if you want to keep your audience interested.

Take off your shirt.

That'll do. That'll do nicely.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A Pride Picture

Chicago's Gay Pride Parade is this Sunday. Cutie-patootie Dan sent over this picture yesterday taken by one of his friends at work, Tracy Poston.

This was taken right outside of her place at Diversey and Pine Grove and it says everything you will ever need to know about the hatemongers at Gay Pride. I love it!

I always say...

"Show me a gay basher and I'll show you a cocksucker."

The only thing better than this picture was the year that I was walking through the parade route with gay punk rocker Jinx Titanic and when we got to the spot with all the hatemongers, Jinx just stopped.

There was a guy standing on a platform with a bullhorn, screaming the usual "God hates fags" bile and Jinx just stood right at his feet, watching him, starting at him, for what seemed like a century.

Finally, the guy stopped his screaming and looked down at Jinx. And Jinx simply said...

"You're fuckin' hot!"

It was the PERFECT response because not only did it shock and offend the hatemonger, it also shut him the Hell up!

Happy Pride, everyone!

And thank you Tracy for letting me post the pic!


Comedy is best when it cuts close to Truth. Which is why this Onion article is really brings The Funny...

According to a poll released Monday by Teen Zogby!, both Barack Obama's approval and dreaminess ratings among slumber party–attending tweens have risen to 82 percent following last week's publication of the Tiger Beat cover pictorial

"Hangin' With Barack!"

"Barack is sooooo hot!" said 12-year-old Tiger Beat subscriber Beth Majors upon reading the issue, which included a "supercute" poster of Obama leaning against the Lincoln Memorial and an interview in which he revealed that his most inspirational hero is "you." "He so totally has my support. Obama in '08!"

Obama is expected to remain a solid favorite with the giggling-and-talking-until-4 a.m. voting bloc, as hunky war hero John McCain, his closest contender, is widely considered by the slumber party demographic to be a gross dork.

Maybe to counter, Mitt Romney will choose to do a photo spread for the next Abercombie and Fitch catalogue.

Yeah, I know. That killed my wood, too.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Moyers On Scooter

If you're not watching BILL MOYERS JOURNAL, you're missing out.

We may have lost Rosie from THE VIEW and Bill Maher's REAL TIME may be on hiatus until August, but thankfully we have Mr. Moyers. His work is outstanding.

Check out this clip from his show last week where he takes the Republican party to task for their attempts to pardon I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

This is a "Must See" for every American. Period.

Moyers' words cut with so much truth, I honestly fear for his life. This administration doesn't take kindly to criticism - - especially when the criticism is this precise.

Chicago's New Morrible

The cast and crew of WICKED Chicago have raised a great deal of money for SOC in the past, so I hesitate to even type this, but...

I really hate the show.

I love the book. And by that, I don't mean "the libretto of the musical." I mean, the REAL book. The actual Gregory Maguire book. That I like. But add Stephen Schwartz into the equation and "sublime" becomes "ridiculous" real friggin' quick.

But there is a new Madame Morrible in town and when the headmistress of Shiz University is being played by the incomparable Barbara Robertson, I may have to break down and actually buy a ticket to see one of Chicago's finest actors make a silk purse out of this sow's ear of a musical.

Especially after Chicago Tribune theatre reviewer Chris Jones wrote this about Ms. Robertson's performance...

"The recent minor improvements in Chicago's most prominent theatrical attraction won't suddenly seduce those who have always resisted the charms of this savvy, self-aware pop musical. But when you add the pleasures of Barbara Robertson -- the fifth, and the best, Madam Morrible I've seen -- to some spruced-up production values, this surely becomes a very good time to see 'Wicked.'

"Clearly, Robertson didn't get the memo that Morrible is a celebrity cameo that doesn't require staring down demons. Robertson plays the sorceress like she's doing Medea. I ate up every howl."

Anybody know if those $20 "Hour Before" tickets are still being offered for WICKED?

And if they are, anybody feel like suffering through lyrics like, "Nessa, I've got something to confessa" with me?

Franklin's Thoughts On The Patriot Act

To everyone - - and yes, this includes YOU Elisabeth Hasselbeck - - who believes in, voted for or is in support of The Patriot Act, I offer these words from one of our Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin...

"Those who would give up essential Liberty,
to purchase a little temporary Safety,
deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

So there. Suck it, Hasselbeck.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Pussy Galore

The Beelzebub of Broadway, Andrew Lloyd Webber, made an announcement to the British press a couple of weeks ago regarding the new musical he is currently composing which is...

I couldn't make this up...

A sequel to his hit musical THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA entitled...



Where have I heard a title like that before?...

What Andrew says happened to his score of PHANTOM IN MANHATTAN is so fucking ridiculous, it could actually be true.

If he is really telling the truth, then the art of musical theatre has been saved - - at least for the moment - - by a pussy cat.

But if he's telling a lie, then this is the worst version of "The dog ate my homework" in recorded history.

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s sequel to The Phantom Of The Opera is one of theatreland’s most anticipated events.

But, I can reveal, a bizarre mishap means that it is likely to be longer than expected before it reaches the stage.

Lloyd Webber, 59, was working on the score at his computerised grand piano when his six-month-old kitten Otto clambered into its frame and managed to delete everything he had written so far.

The digital Clavinova piano has an inbuilt computer and the ability to play back thousands of songs from its memory.

But Lloyd Webber was unable to recover his work from the high-tech instrument after Otto, a rare-breed Turkish Van, had done his worst.

Says the composer: “I was trying to write some new music; Otto got into the grand piano, jumped onto the computer and destroyed the entire score for the new Phantom in one fell swoop.”

Turkish Vans — also known as the swimming cats — cost up to £400 and it had long been Lloyd Webber’s ambition to own one.

The musical — called Phantom In Manhattan — is set in 1901, 20 years after the original, and is based partly on a novel by Day Of The Jackal author Frederick Forsyth, in which the deformed Erik leaves Paris to seek his fortune in New York.

Maybe it's me, but when a cat - - a symbol of one of your musicals - - singlehandedly destroys your work on a sequel to one of your other musicals, wouldn't you take that as a sign that the universe is saying...

"Take your hands off the fucking keyboard, Andy!"

Insulting The Tonys

Bob posted this a couple of days ago and I love it so hard.

This is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog interviewing everyone from Judd Hirsch and Donna Murphy to "The Tuberculosis Guy" on the Red Carpet at the 2007 Tony Awards.

With a special appearance by none other than Abe Vigoda himself!

Why Abe Vigoda? Well, Abe is a swing for three of the boys in SPRING AWAKENING.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

The Great White Way = Elton John's butt cheeks.

Who knew?

"Oh No, Anita, No. Anita, No."

Serendipity Theatre Collective is offering another installment of 2nd Story tonight at @mostphere.

Tonight, the evening will benefit Season of Concern and they have kindly asked me to host.

2nd Story is an evening of storytelling, music and usually wine tasting, but tonight, it's all about cocktails... which is probably why I was asked to host...

I never met a vodka I didn't like.

Being Pride Month, the stories tonight are about the gay and lesbian experience, so I've been asked to provide a little toast before each of the three stories being read.

I am rarely if ever speechless, but I figured I should do a little research so that my toast won't simply be me quoting a line from one of my favorite tv shows... like what Shirley wrote in Laverne's yearbook...

If in Heaven, we don't meet
Hand in hand, we'll bear the heat

And if it ever gets too hot

Pepsi-Cola hits the spot

So, in my googling, I came across this website of gay and lesbian quotes and I found these three in this exact order...

"As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children." - Anita Bryant, 1977

"If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nailbiters." - Anita Bryant

"Anita Bryant like Anita hole in the head." - Graffiti

For those of you who don't know Anita Bryant or believe her to be one of the women from WEST SIDE STORY, I'll just say this - - you know Ann Coulter, right? Well...

Ann Coulter is sort of the beta 2.0 version of Anita Bryant.

Anita Bryant 2: Electric Boogaloo!

That clear it up for ya?

I could call Ms. Bryant so many names and rant and rave, but I found a quote on another site that calls Ms. Bryant exactly what she is.

This is attributed to the uber-fabulous female impersonator, Mr. Charles Pierce...

“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?”

Come to 2nd Story tonight if you're free. I've read the stories and they are really wonderful!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Not Your Father's Batsuit

The Bible got it wrong. Well actually, it was just off by one letter. Not an "M," but a "G."

The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth.

How else can you describe the movie and tv mania for all things fan boy and comic book?

We currently have The Silver Surfer on the big screen and Dr. Who is tearing up the BBC. This Fall a new Bionic Woman appears on prime time television and an IRON MAN movie is in production right now.

And Entertainment Weekly is taking time away from Paris and Britney to give the public what it REALLY wants...

A sneak peak at Christian Bale's new Batsuit!

According to the EW's article talking with THE DARK KNIGHT's costume designer, Lindy Hemming (I kinda love that name... Lindy... "Lindy Rader?" Nah...), here are the changes and improvements to the suit that I'm sure are making Adam West as green as Frank Gorshin's old Riddler costume...

The Cowl:

"Ever wonder why movie Batmans rarely turn their horned heads? It's because the cowls of past suits were firmly attached to the neck and shoulders of the costume — necessary to maintain that iconic silhouette and to prevent the actor from moving around inside the mask. The new headpiece — modeled after a motorcycle helmet — is separate from the neck, so star Christian Bale can now swivel his noggin side to side, or nod up and down. ''It was the hardest part of the suit to make,'' says Hemming."

See, the cowl used to look like this...

Not exactly a great cowl for rubber-neckin'...

...or for doing anything else, for that matter...

Those Kick Ass Glove Spike-Thingys:

"The razors on Batman's forearms are actually part of the suit. (His gloves tuck into the sleeves of the suit.) They're retractable, and yep, they're weapons. ''They shoot at people!'' says Hemming with a Jokersesque laugh."

Rubber Is The New Leather:

"The new suit is made of 200 individual pieces of rubber, fiberglass, and nylon and metallic mesh. Bruce Wayne's work duds now have a stylish texture, suggesting they're made with sophisticated new technology. ''I thought it would make it more interesting to look at and wonder about,'' says Hemming, adding that the stretchy rubber lines also help bind the costume to Bale's body."

"Bind the costume to Bale's body."


Oh my...

What a body to bind to...