Friday, May 21, 2010

Fratboy Friday


Looking hot in a pair of jeans is (unless you're me) easy to accomplish.

(Especially if you're a Golden Ticket holder in the genetic lottery.)



Looking hot is slightly harder when the jeans are clam diggers...

(Or are they pedal pushers?... Culots?... Capris?...) follow this boy's lead and accessorize with Nair'ed up chest and a sneer!



When it comes to the jean short,
an ass you can serve drinks on is your best friend.



"I'll drink to that."

"And one for Mahler!"

Thursday, May 20, 2010

"So, This Is Love..."

It's just like Cinderella sang...

"So, this is love. Hmm-mmm, hmm-mmm.
So, this is love.

"So, this is what makes life divine."

You got it sister. Most definitely.

As long as you have a safe word.

(Can you tell IML is coming up? Hmm-mmm, hmm-mmm...)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

"Stop Worrying If Your Vision Is New"

"The worst thing you can do is fall off a low rung. If you're going to make a mistake,
make a huge one."

- Stephen Sondheim

Brilliant advice for any artist in any form of art. I absolutely agree.

Which is the only excuse I have for taking this idea and applying it to my ENTIRE life thus far.

Not that I have ever been on the top rung.

I only fucked my way to the middle.

(And you know who you are...)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

"I Am the Modern Man"

Now, this is what I call cosplay.

Who needs all that bulky armor? This picture proves that in cosplay, as in all things, less is more.

Unless you're Cher. With Cher, more is more.

But with this "Iron Man with iPhone," amateur Tony Stark, the less armor, the better.

I can't wait to see his repulsor. (Yeah, yeah... You were thinking the same thing...)

But if he's Tony in this scene (and let's face it, he can be any damn thing he wants to if I'm involved or just in the room), that makes me Pepper Potts.

Not a problem. I've been much worse for much worse.

Now, where did I put that Gwyneth Paltrow mask?

Monday, May 17, 2010

"...the Line Between the Past and the Present."

When it comes to my cluttered, filthy pigsty of an apartment, and the reason so few people have been allowed inside of it for longer than I care to admit, I've been repeating the same line to friends and family for months now...

"I watch 'Grey Gardens' and think,
'That house? That's nothing...'"

The person I'm talking to will laugh a little and then move on to another piece of conversation. I wonder, if they could actually SEE my apartment, would that line be funnier or infinitely sadder?

Or worse yet, would it be a cause for concern? Probably all of the above.

I have dedicated entire days and weekends to the act of getting rid of clutter, cleaning up my messes, organizing the insanity, and after a long stretch of hours, I stand back and it looks like only an inch and half of space is now clean and clear.

How could I have gathered so much unneeded junk that I, for some reason, have decided to hold on to by putting it in a place where I can never find it if I actually need it? And how could I care less about cleaning and making a bed and folding clothes than I have in the past when I never gave a damn before?!?

Maybe it's my way of keeping potential boyfriends at bay. I've heard women talk about not shaving their legs before a date so that they would not even be tempted to sleep with the guy at the end of the evening. Maybe my mess is my unconscious way of staying single. Not something I want, but something that seems to be continuing, nonetheless.

For the longest time, my apartment appeared to be in order, but if you opened up a certain drawer or closet door, you could see where the mess had been relocated for the time being. One of my friends referred to this as, "Outside control, inside chaos," which was and is the most accurate description of me I have ever heard.

So, what does it mean now that my chaos has overtaken my control?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

"Does Anyone Still Wear a Hat?"

I look at these boys and I think...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

"...the Raging Spirit That Dwells Within Him"

Hey, Marvel Comics! You want to know how to make a Hulk movie that won't bite the green weenie?

Cast this guy.

Who is he? What does he do? Is he a villain? A love interest? A rebooted Mr. McGee?

(You know, the reporter who follows the Hulk and Dr. Banner around, thus giving us the line, "Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry?")

Which one of those characters is Mr. Tattman, the Ab Master? Who the fuck cares?!?

As long as THAT is his ONLY costume. And he's on the beach. A lot.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

"They Say That I'm a Witch!"

I don't know...

Is it me, or on the cover of her new book...

...her memoir entitled "Spoken from the Heart"...

...(Did anyone else just throw up in their mouth a little bit?... Ugh...)

...does Laura Bush look like...

...the wicked queen from "Snow White"?

Don't take an apple from that bitch, that's all I'm saying.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

"Men Are Stupid, Men Are Vain. Love's Disgusting, Love's Insane..."

From the people who brought you...

"The check is in the mail."


"We can leave our
underwear on."

...I proudly present...

"Now, Pat...
This won't hurt a bit"

This has been a message from the makers of...

"Never trust a man who says, 'Trust me.'"