Saturday, May 30, 2009

"A Parade in Town"

I found out last night that my good friend Alexandra Billings has been chosen to be the Grand Marshall for Chicago's Pride Parade this year. It's about friggin' time.

Finally, we have someone as our Grand Marshall who has always been a part of the gay community. Always. And has fought with us and for us. Always.

Someone who has raised money for AIDS organizations again and again. She's one of my board members at Season of Concern.

Actually, one of my favorite Alex stories centers around Season of Concern.

After one of her performances in a play, she gave the curtain speech asking audience members to donate money to Season of Concern on the way out of the theatre. Money that funds direct-care services for people living with HIV and AIDS in and around Chicago.

As Alex stood in the doorway of the theatre with a collection can taking donations, a woman wearing a tremendous fur walked by and dropped in a one dollar bill. Alex said...

"Honey, that's a real fur.
I'm gonna need at least a fifty!"

The woman laughed and coughed up the money.

Of all the things I have done in my career, it is the criticism, advice and praise I've received from Alex that has really meant the most to me.

By criticism, I mean when she directed me in Vampire Lesbians of Sodom and told me that, when I looked at a Middle Eastern castmate on stage and called him "Osama bin Fucked-a-lot" - - a line I created - - it was "too much."

Coming up with a put down that was "too much" for Alexandra Billings made me very, very happy.

By advice, I mean the times that she called me up to warn me about people in my life, that they were hurting me and I couldn't see it. Like the day she met my ex-boyfriend. Or the night she called me to warn me about a woman I was working with. I guess I took Alex's warning a little too lightly at first, because she followed it up by saying...

"Stephen, I was a drug dealer. I was a GOOD drug dealer.
And I'm telling you that that woman is fucking with you."

And she was right. Of course. I should have listened to her about that woman and my ex much, much sooner.

And by praise, I mean the first time she called me up to sing at the Gentry. I believe she was hosting a benefit that night.

She didn't know me at all, but when I finished my song, I handed her the mic and she whispered what a good job I had done. And then got on the mic and told the audience how fabulous she thought I was. For awhile.

Praise from Alexandra Billings can get you through a whole lot of bad days.

Congratulations, Alex. I'm so proud of you and happy for you!

P.S. And I'm serious about the idea I left on your voice mail. If you want to dress up like Norma Desmond for the Pride Parade, I'll dress up like Max and drive the car. I've already got the bald head. I'm ready to go!!!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Fratboy Friday

At last night's "Wild Card Night" for Windy City Gay Idol...

...I was cheered on by cute Ryan and his posse (yes, posse, not pussy... that's later...)

...I insulted one of the singers for performing while wearing her sunglasses. I totally stole Larry David's line and said...

"You know who wears sunglasses indoors? Blind people and assholes."

...and Amy gave me the season one dvd of... well... see if you can guess what tv show it is by the quotes below.

The YouTube clips for each of the quotes are linked.

And yes, this is officially gayer than the musical theatre Fratboy Friday.

I'm always topping myself.

Don't. Say. It.




(This is Kyle Westheimer)





Thursday, May 28, 2009

"All Our Hopes Are Pinned Upon You..."

I'm not a big flip-flop guy. At all.

I rarely like them on someone else and I usually only wear them when I'm on vacation. And then, only from my hotel room to the beach and back. Never when I'm going out to dinner. Never.

That said, Chris from As Seen From Up Here... saw this pair of flip-flops in Chicago's Red Eye and sent me a text asking...

"If I buy you Wonder Woman flip-flops, will you wear them?" which I replied...

"You frighten me. You really do. And 'Yes'"

So Chris, I found them here at Piperlime. They also have Superman and Batman, but I'm a Princess Diana boy. All the way.

Hmmm... I wonder if I would be allowed to walk on Themyscira (a.k.a. Paradise Island) with these on?

I was kind of hoping they'd have a pair of Wonder Woman sandals also. With laces that go up-the-calf like Wonder Woman first wore in the 40's. You know, when she was getting tied up in hardcore bondage in every single issue.

And people wonder where I got my fascination with being tied up. Please...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"I Survived a Shipwreck. That Was Sunday Night."

Finally, some good news on the career front.

After auditioning and/or being called back for a handfull of shows, but receiving emails from each casting director saying something like...

"We're going another way with the character you read for. We've cast Nell Carter who, although dead, is someone we believe will bring more to the role than you."

...I found out yesterday that I will be co-directing the John Michael LaChiusa musical Hello Again for Bohemian Theatre Ensemble with my good friend Michael Ryczek early next year.

So, all you musical theatre boys who see me at Sidetrack on showtunes night - - buy me some cocktails and your chances for landing a role (and me) go way, way up.

And I'm serious about not getting cast in everything I've auditioned for.

I actually will be singing at a benefit for the Bailiwick Repertory Theatre this July. At the Center on Halsted. On the set of their production of "The Cousins Grimm." A show I was called back for. Twice. And didn't get.

Which means that I'm not good enough for the show, but I am good enough to work FOR FREE and raise money for that show.

Yeah. It sucks. It really, really sucks.

And if you think that I am going to be so bold and rude as to tell the audience when I go on stage to sing the night of the benefit that I'm good enough for the benefit but not good enough for the show, you would be right.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"We're Not Ones to Go Around Spreadin' Rumors..."

My senior year history class was taught by a self-proclaimed "good Christian woman."

She was so "good" and so "Christian" that she would spend class time discussing the personal lives of current and former students as a part of her lecture. She didn't come right out and name names, but in a town as small as Powell, TN, there's no such thing as a "blind item." We all knew who she was talking about.

Maybe she thought of her occasional "true life" stories as little morality plays. She would feebly try to tie the story into that day's lesson, but it never quite fit. She simply enjoyed spreading hateful gossip about students. About students who weren't sitting directly in front of her, that is. And the more scandalous and hurtful the gossip, the better.

Any rumor she had heard about a student that involved alcohol or drugs, sex or pregnancy would be passed on to the entire class, detail by detail. The slimier the story, the more she would chuckle. The more her smug, little grin would grow.

The day she passed on the news that one of boys in the previous year's graduating class was (gasp) a homosexual and that he performed late nights (snicker) as a drag queen, her grin became enormous and her chuckle grew into a cackle. She looked so pleased with herself as she outed someone we all knew. I can still remember the smile on her face as she told us all about "the homosexual."

But I didn't say a word. I couldn't. I was far from out but I still was called a fag every single day as I walked down the halls. And I still got knocked around in the bathroom on occasion. Staying silent was the only way to survive.

I made it through that class, but the second I hit the hallway, I started crying. I couldn't hold it back. Because I knew that someday, that teacher would be standing in front of her class telling that same story about me. And smiling that same smile. Full of disgust. And superiority.

Today, when I heard that the California Supreme Court upheld Prop 8, I started thinking about that teacher, that story, and her smile.

I thought about how so many "good Christians" use their faith in God - - a God who only asks us to love each other as we love ourselves - - to gleefully hurt others.

I thought about how out of touch they are with the real world.

One day in class, when we were discussing the Underground Railroad, that same teacher asked us to raise our hands if we would have accepted runaway slaves into our home.

Everyone raised their hand. Everyone, except me.

She gave me a shocked look of disapproval and said, "So, you wouldn't take a runaway slave into your home to help him or her achieve freedom?"

And I said, "No, I probably would have done that. But since I'm not actually living in that day and age, I'm not going to be so pious as to claim that I WOULD do that."

And before she could respond, I asked, "Has anyone here offered to take in a person living with AIDS who was kicked out of his parent's house and has no place to live? No? Then, I think you have your answer for who would have accepted slaves in their home for the Underground Railroad."

I doubt she even understood my point. And the sad thing about that teacher and all of those people so vehemently opposed to gay marriage is that, once it's approved and time passes, they will look back on the issue and honestly believe that they supported gay marriage.

Because they always have to be right. And anything they do is always and forevermore "good."

Monday, May 25, 2009

"The Lies of Handsome Men"

This Memorial Day, as we recognize and remember the men and women who died in military service for our country, let's also think about the nearly 12,500 gay and lesbian members of the our armed forces who have been discharged under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Especially Lt. Dan Choi, the latest Arabic translator to be dismissed from the National Guard because of his sexuality. Making him the first gay person discharged from the military since President Obama took office.

Now, I understand that Obama is busy blowing out the fire billowing through our Hindenburg of an economy, while simultaneously trying to end one war while escalating another, so I haven't given up hope. I believe he will make every effort to end "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." But...

Is it just me, or is it starting to feel like deja vu all over again? No, it's actually, it's more like everything new was old. Again.

I feel like the waiter at this hot, new restaurant sold me on the chef's signature dish, (the "Change We Can Believe In" frittatas served with"Yes We Can" risotto) and even though the food looks spectacular and the aroma is mouth-watering, something in my gut tells me it's going to taste like Clinton.

Err... I mean, chicken. ("Taste like Clinton." I just stepped in Lewinsky...)

Think about it. Clinton promised he would end the ban on gays in the military when he ran for his first term in '92 and within months of his taking office, we got "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," a policy that actually increased the number of gays and lesbians discharged from the U.S. military.

I get the feeling that Obama is facing the same realities in his first few months in office. God forbid history repeats itself, the ban continues and we get a new policy even more confusing than the one we have.

Then again, what could be more confusing and illogical than "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"? As Jon Stewart explained a couple of weeks ago on The Daily Show...

"Dan Choi is one of 54 Arabic translators dismissed due to their sexual preference.

"So, it was okay to waterboard a guy over 80 times, but God forbid the guy who
could understand what that prick
was saying has a boyfriend."

If the ban on gays in the military is actually lifted, I wonder if I can be a WAC? Or maybe an Andrews Sister. I'm thinking Patty. She was sort of the Beyonce of the group. So Patty. Definitely Patty.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

"Where's Andre?"

I'm not quite sure what's going on at Marvel Comics these days.

First, they announced Marvel Divas, which, as io9 wrote...

"...rips off 'Sex And The City' and indie comic 'Ultra' by pairing up four superheroines so that they can talk about boys and shoes..."

...and this past week, I've been reading about another new Marvel book, Models, Inc. (not to be confused with the short-lived Fox tv series of the same name), that combines Mary Jane Watson, Patsy "Hellcat" Walker and Millicent "Millie the Model" Collins in one book.

I was unsure if they were trying to TRYING to be offensive to women, or if they were attempting to grab the gay male comic fan (who likes both well-drawn packages AND models talking about boys and shoes) until I saw this...

Tim Gunn will be featured in the first issue of Models Inc.

Not only will he be featured in the issue, he will also jump into one of Iron Man's suits to fight off the bad guys and save the day.

Correction: Tim Gunn will jump into one of Iron Man's suits to fight off the bad guys AT A FASHION SHOW and save the day.

So, this is obviously for gay men. And when you think about it, who has a better superhero name than Tim Gunn? Tim Gunn makes Sgt. Rock sound like a pussy.

I would actually start buying Marvel Comics if Tim Gunn's Iron Man led The Avengers.

I can just hear Tim changing the age-old battle cry of "Avengers Assemble!" to his fabulous catchphrase, "Make It Work!"

I wish The Wasp was still around. Tim Gunn chatting with The Wasp? Fugheh-dah-bowd-eht.

P.S. Not to be outdone at putting female comic book characters into one series and making them look like sluts on parade, DC will be offering Gotham City Sirens, featuring Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harly Quinn. I wish I was making that up.

I won't be buying that one. I'll be buying every issue of Batwoman's run in Detective Comics. Hot, sexy, ferocious and a lesbian. Count me in.

Friday, May 22, 2009

"Midnight, Not a Sound from the Pavement..."

Earlier this evening, I heard one of my neighbors yell the following to a man standing in the alley...

"Hey, you! I see you! Are you peeing? You can't pee there!
This alley is for sex only!"

Sure, when I first moved onto this street, there was sex to be had in every alley every night, but those days have sadly passed.

Besides, I know several people who believe that if peeing isn't involved, it isn't really sex. It's just foreplay.

Fratboy Friday

This morning on the bus ride into the Loop, I sat next to a man who HAS to be a porn star.

And if, for some odd reason, he isn't a porn star...

...I mean, it could be that he ALWAYS dresses the way he was dressed this morning - - like he had just stepped out of a Tom of Finland drawing...

...and it could be that he takes steroids not to get the "bitch tits" that he has, but because he really, really loves "testicular atrophy"...

...then he SHOULD be a porn star.

And he is a porn star. In my mind's eye, Horatio.

So, in dedication to him, his massive thighs and his ass that I wanted to eat breakfast off of, here's an IML-themed Fratboy Friday...


This weekend, the IML host hotel (the Chicago Hilton) will the set a new Guiness Book World Record for "Most Jockstraps Found Under One Roof."

(Fun Fact: The previous record holder - - me)



All those jockstraps at IML, and yet, ask those boys "Boxers or briefs?"
and each one of them will say "Commando!," I guarantee it.

It's only a 3 day weekend; easy access is key!



But fair warning, if your ass is hanging out, it will be spanked.

Or whipped... Or paddled... Or flogged...

Repeatedly, if you walk down the right hall in the hotel...



And speaking of what will be happening in the halls of the Chicago Hilton this weekend,
there will be a lot of this. Only the bottle will be replaced by "The Real Thing," leaving the bottle available for... other things. (Yes, that...)

As one of my friends used to say about the 3 days of IML here in Chicago, "Girl, those are High Holy Days!!!" (Insert "high" and "holey" joke here... hehe... "insert"... I can't stop myself...)

Happy Memorial Day Weekend, everyone!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

"They're Here..."

Leather men from all over the country and all around the world are streaming into downtown Chicago like... well, like a backroom watersports party after four hours of Beer Bust.

Come on, I had to say it. It's IML!

The Loop hasn't quite been overtaken by the smell of J-Lube, Jungle Juice and jockstraps just yet, but straight people walking down the street beside dozens of bears, Daddys, bootblacks and boys, already have a glazed look in their eyes.

Most of them seem to be thinking "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger, Will Robinson!," but a few are trying to remember the foot-tapping code they read about when Larry Craig was arrested.

And being a Chicagoan during all this makes me feel like "I've Got a Golden Ticket!" A golden E ticket, if you will.

So much to ride... so little time...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

"When Betty White Says She Wants a Cup of Coffee..."

Sure, she looks like a sweet, old lady on the outside, but we gay boys know better, now don't we?

And that's why we love Betty White even more.

Whether it was giving a salty one-liner on the game show, Tattletales...

...or when she's talking to Chicago's Dean Richards, reminiscing about the first year-and-a-half of her life spent in Oak Park, Illinois, and smiling while she throws out zinger after zinger...

...or hearing Mary Tyler Moore tell her favorite on-screen memory of Betty, which involves a vibrating bed and Betty's absolute enjoyment of it...

...we know that Betty may look and sound as pure as her wholesome last name, but somewhere deep inside of her, she's bitchy and snarky and wickedly sexual. My kind of gal!

And as much as we gay boys seriously want to sit on Ryan Reynolds' face, we love Betty all the more for ripping him apart and putting him in his proper place.

And his place is on the floor. Crying like a little girl and begging like a dog.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

"'Enhanced Interrogation' Is Dick Cheney Changing a Word"

I never thought I'd say this, but - - Jesse Ventura for President!

Check out this video from last Friday's episode of The View.

And check out this HOT picture of Jesse "The Body" Venura as Blain in the 1987 film Predator.

In the video, Mr. Ventura whips Hasselbeck's ass on the subjects of waterboarding and torture.

And just for the record, Mr. Ventura could whip my ass any day of the week. 

Maybe I'm just in a "Thank You, Daddy, May I Have Another?" mood because IML (International Mr. Leather) is this coming weekend, but Jesse Venture, with his pumped up body and his passion to take down those who have done harm to this country, is HOT! 

While you watch this, I think I'm going to watch Predator again...

"So, I Tell ONE Homosexual..."

Here's the Bea Arthur story again, but this time, it's told by my friend, the woman who sang with Bea that fateful Chicago night, Alexandra Billings.

This is my favorite picture of Alex. It's from her performance as Natasha in "Cannibal Cheerleaders On Crack". 

As Alex says about that show...

"My breasts have now been seen by every drunk frat boy from here to Idaho."

For awhile, if you did a Google image search of the words "drunk frat boy," this picture would pop up first.

I really, really loved that.

Even if you know what Bea says at the end, listen to Alex tell the story. She's the funniest person I know.

Monday, May 18, 2009

"I'm Shocked, Shocked to Find That Gambling Is Going on in Here!"

Don Rickles shocked me last night. He really did. 

And you know, after watching a man make a traffic cone disappear with a little Crisco, a perfect squat and a look on his face when he reached the bottom that seemed to say, "Is that all there is?," I didn't think that I could be shocked anymore. And I was wrong.

It wasn't anything that Rickles said. That was all truly brilliant and wildly funny...

Like when the man sitting near the back of the theatre yelled out something like, "You're the greatest, Don!" and Rickles immediately replied, "Sorry about your seats," followed by, "I've got one fan here and he's in the back facing the wall!"

Or when a women with a high pitched voice squealed, "I love you, Don!" and Don said, "Did someone lose a puppet?" Genius. True genius.

No, it wasn't what Rickles said that shocked me, it was what he sang.

Now, I have watched Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project many times, so I knew that Don would sing, "I'm a Nice Guy." I knew he would sing the ballad, "Laughter for Love." And I knew he would do his Jimmy Cagney imitation by singing "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

Don't judge. Remember, this was in a theatre in a casino, folks. In Indiana, for God's sake. But I'm just a redneck who's more Lorna Luft than Lady Gaga anyway, so I loved it!

The song I didn't expect was the song he chose to close the evening - - "I Am What I Am" from La Cage Aux Folles

Not only is this song closely identified with coming out of the closet and GLBT rights, it's also arguably the gayest Jerry Herman song ever written. 

Gayer than Mame's "Bosom Buddies." 

It's THAT friggin' gay!

And Don Rickles sings it at the end of his show. Shocking. I was shocked. So much so that I did a double take to my friend Michael. A big, wacky, sitcom double take. Which, combined with the "What the fuck?!?" look on my face, made the people around me start to snicker. Not that I cared. I was too busy trying to figure out why Don Rickles was singing this uber-queer song?

But, after looking up the phrase "I Am What I Am," I've come to the realization that, even though Jerry Herman stuck a big, rainbow colored flag in those words when he wrote that song for La Cage, we gay people don't really own that particular phrase. So, when Don sings it, it doesn't mean he's gay. It could mean any number of things.

Perhaps Don sang "I Am What I Am" because that phrase is in the Bible. It's a translation of the response God gave when Moses asked for His name.

Or maybe Rickles just really loves the George Jones album, "I Am What I Am." 

The first track on that album is "He Stopped Loving Her Today," and what's not to love about that?!?

Or maybe Don's got a thing for Popeye.  If so, we're back to the gay thing...

But regardless, that song was the last thing I expected to hear coming out of Rickle's mouth last night. 

And other than Don having absolutely no idea what measure he was in or what the tempo was, I loved every second of it.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

"Ya Hockey Puck!"

Tonight's the night.

I'm so excited about this, I can't even describe it.

When I've mentioned to people that I'm seeing Rickles tonight, some people have laughed, like it's a joke. 

As if I'm with some friends on a road trip and as we pass through Memphis, we decide to go to Graceland. And we call our friends to tell them what we're going to do and they laugh at our shenanigans. 

People laugh at my excitement about Rickles in the same way. But watch any other celebrity with Rickles - - especially comedians - - and you will see that they are star struck around him.

I'm fascinated by him as well. By his gentle, kind manner off stage and his ruthless destruction of political correctness on stage. 

Plus, what other comedian has had their picture superimposed inside an old issue of Superman's Pal: Jimmy Olsen?  I'll answer that - - none!

Here's Don doing something that I wish I could have done in the 80's - - insulting President Reagan and Nancy at their second inauguration. Notice I said "their," because we all know who was running the show in the White House, don't we?

Don's quick insult to Emmanuel Lewis at the beginning almost makes up for his kind words to Ron and Nancy at the end. Almost.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

"That's a Nice Little Nothing You're Almost Wearing"

I have a thing for country boys. Rednecks especially.

I don't mean that I'm attracted to guys who find themselves in a hospital ward after shouting to their friends...

"Hey, y'all! Watch this!"

...but I do love a slight Southern accent. The twang, if you will.

(Insert your own twang joke here).

And as I watched one of my former Imaginary Boyfriends, Kerry Degman, in this video in a post at Seduced by the New... I realized that I don't just lust after Kerry for his body, I want him for his accent as well.

And with all his hot poses and with all the shots of Kerry coming out of the ocean wearing only white A/X briefs, my favorite moment of the video is this quirky, little smile. It's endearing.

Don't get me wrong, I still want him to sit my face and wiggle. Violently. But now, I want to get to know him and maybe buy him a beer. While he's sitting on my face. 

You know, I think it's time that Kerry resumed his rightful place as My New Imaginary Boyfriend.

And yes, the picture that I'm using of Kerry in the sidebar is the image I have on my desktop. And in my shower. And on my headboard...

Friday, May 15, 2009

Fratboy Friday

Since I can't seem to stop watching the trailer to the film version of the musical Nine, how about a little musical theatre Fratboy Friday?

Fratboys and musical theatre. Dear sweet Jesus... 

No one can say I never tried to make the gay a little gayer...


(Are you talking to me?)






(Shining... somewhere...)



(Come on. The boy in the blue shirt is just BEGGING 
to be that drunk boy's Nellie Forbush.)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

"When You Hold Me, Don't Just Hold Me, But Hold THIS!"

This was just released today.

It's the trailer for Rob Marshall's upcoming film version of the musical Nine.

Rob Marshall is a friggin' genius! I can't wait!

I saw his film version of the musical Chicago the day it was released. The theatre was packed with mostly non-musical theatre folk.

I know this because I was the ONLY person in the theatre who screamed during Chita Rivera's cameo.

At the end of The Cell Block Tango, I stood up (no joke, I STOOD UP!!!), applauded with my arms over my head and shouted...

"Worth the price of admission!!!"

My then boyfriend grabbed my arm and said, "Sit your gay ass down," which I did. But that's when I fell in love with Rob Marshall.

And from what I see in this trailer, I'm going to be standing up in a movie theatre again very soon.

"Watch It, Sucka!"

I've missed Aunt Esther.

Ever since LaWanda Page passed away in 2002, I've missed her praising of the Lord.

I've also missed Redd Foxx saying things to her like...

But I think I've found the real-life Aunt Esther.

Watch this video and tell me that Pheobie Noble isn't Aunt Esther.

Pheobie was a witness the day that Jesus Christ killed Satan. In Cleveland. Ohio.

I'm SO not making this up. 

Tickets? They're selling tickets?!? To the Devil's funeral?!?!? Those wacky Christians...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

TMI Tuesday (on Wednesday)

I haven't participated in TMI Tuesday in awhile. I guess I'm still not participating in it, since this is Wednesday. But even if this doesn't count, here it goes...

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?

I have a slight (but constantly growing) piece of my mother's manic-depression...

...which makes every day feel like a roller coaster ride - - without the safety belt. Yay, instability!!!...

...and I have my father's ability to change personalities to fit whatever situation I'm in, which is great when you're an actor, but add that to the manic-depression and I make Sybil look like Debbie fucking Boone.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?

This word you use. "Partner." I looked it up. Interesting. I really must try to get one of those. 

That's my bitchy way of saying, "Thanks for reminding me that I'm single and have no children.

Nice. Really nice.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?

My father. In his car. We left a family party at my aunt's house to go and buy more ice (I think) and in the all-of-four-minutes it took to drive there and back, he told me all about it.

I wonder if he ever thinks to himself...

"If I'd only explained it better, maybe Steve would like pussy today." 

He probably does.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?

I just mentioned this at lunch today. 

My favorite book as a child was definitely "And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street."

I would check that book out of our elementary school library and when I would return it, I would check it out again. On and on. For months and months.

Perhaps this picture explains why.

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?

I'm not really an erotic reader. I'm more of an erotic watcher, thinker and doer.

I do enjoy Boytoons, though. Quite a bit, actually.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?

"Go ahead and at least TRY to give your second cousin a blowjob. I mean, he's naked and jerking off in front of you. How much of an engraved invitation
do you need, Rader?!?"

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?

"How Much of an Engraved Invitation 
Do You Need, Rader?!?"

"Just Breathe"

Once again, Prospero from Caliban's Revenge is right. 

He had this to say about Batman and Robin getting gay yesterday...

"Come on, now... 
you KNOW B & R have been getting it on forever... 

"I heard they were moving Stately Wayne Manor to Vermont..."

So true. So very, very true.

But, as we can see from this panel - - by Batman co-creator Bob Kane, no less - - the first time that Robin found out the real... ummm... "duties a billionaire expects from his ward," shall we say, Dick was a little shocked.

Maybe Bill Finger not receiving credit for co-creating Batman and therefore, not having his name on panels like this, is actually a blessing in disguise.

I mean, where is Chris Hanson when you need him, huh?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

"Don't Get Gay!"

I just found this at

If you've never looked through the comic book images at Superdickery, go. Now. It's a hilarious.

As the gallery "Examples of Superdickery" is described on the site...

"Home of the phrase that started it all, 'Superman is a dick.' Witness an ever growing selection of examples of Superman acting like... well, a dick."

Yes, the site has tons of panels where Superman is a dick, where Wonder Woman is tied up in some bizarre bondage scene, and where Batman and Robin...

Well, if you look through those comic book panels...

Just don't get gay, alright?

"Omigod, You Guys!"

Look what I'm seeing tonight.

You'd think that, with my loathing - - my "unadulterated loathing" - - of that other show with a little too much pink for my taste (Wicked), that I would not want to see this theatrical piece of pop confection.

But I do. 

I've heard good things from friends who have seen the show and I watched a few episodes of Legally Blonde - The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods...

...which was, in a sea of train wrecks masquerading as reality shows, the biggest train wreck of them all... and I loved every second of it..., I'm really looking forward to tonight.

And Amy and I will be podcasting after the show for the Windy City Queercast

Because, musical theatre is already pretty queer, but this opening number would make Rip Taylor say, "Now, THAT'S faggy."

Monday, May 11, 2009

"So Near, and Yet So Far"

This weekend gave me two brushes with celebrity.

Faint brushes with celebrity. The kind where I claim that I (sort of) know them, but they wouldn't know me even if they actually knew me.

If that doesn't make sense, just know that, when I was in the Goodman Theatre, pre-Broadway production of The Light in the Piazza, I worked with the brilliant playwright (and book writer for Piazza), Craig Lucas.

And by "worked with," I mean that I moved a lot of tables and chairs so that the real actors could walk into the scenes Mr. Lucas had written for them to perform.

Near the end of our run, I was leaving the theatre with Patti Cohenour and Craig came up to Patti, introduced her to some friends and walked away. When Patti tried to politely explain to me why Craig had not introduced me to his friends, I told Patti...

"Sweetie, I move furniture in this show. I could do that and
also suck his dick for a week and he wouldn't know I was on the planet."

Patti gave a little grin and agreed with me. Which is not to say that Craig isn't a nice man or that I'm not excellent at giving a blowjob. He is and I am. But celebrity is celebrity. Which is why I'm happy to announce that...

I am now two degrees away from Rorschach himself, Jackie Earle Haley and I am also two degrees away from one of the surviving cast members of Gone With the Wind, Ms. Cammie King.

Cammie King played Bonnie Blue Butler.

When her son, who I met through Season of Concern a few years ago, told me this past weekend that his mother played Bonnie Blue, I let out the gay gasp. You know the gay gasp...

The gasp that somehow seems to have a sibilant S within it...

The gasp your gay roommate made when he first saw Liza Minnelli in an episode of Arrested Development...

Yeah, THAT gasp...

However, when Philip told me that he saw Jackie Earle Haley downtown yesterday, I did not let out the gay gasp. I was more envious than shocked. (Note to Self: Come up with a vocalization for envy)

But later in Philip's Jackie Earle Haley story, my gay gasp came out. It came out after he told me that he talked with Mr. Haley. And again when he explained that Mr. Haley came up to him and asked Philip if they had met before. Then, when Philip told me they had a nice chat, I let out the gay gasp again.

It's best he met Philip. I would have just gotten hurt.

Because, when you take the boy crush that I had on Jackie Earle Haley when I was a kid watching the Bad News Bears movies (yes, I liked the bad boys even then) and combine it with my uber-comic book geek nerd love of Watchmen, plus my hardcore attraction to anyone with the kind of talent it took to play Ronnie in Little Children and... well...

Let's just say, you start stalking Rorschach, you get the hot oil treatment.