Thursday, January 31, 2008

Julie Wilson

I love YouTube.

Not for the idiots who sit in front of their web cams begging for a few seconds of the Fifteen Minutes of Fame that Warhol promised them, but for the clips of outstanding performances by artists who show the world that AMERICAN IDOL and the majority of it's singers... well... suck.

I don't watch that show, don't care for that show and think that any person who tunes in to a program that lists Paula Abdul as a "Arbiter of Talent" is, like Paula herself, in need of some serious medication.

I understand that some incredible talent has come from that show (Kelly Clarkson for one is truly amazing), but if you want to listen to and experience real talent that's been skillfully harnessed and refined to pure grace and charm, you must watch this clip of Ms. Julie Wilson...

Ms. Wilson is one of the - - if not THE - - foremost cabaret singers in the world. I had the privilege of studying with her in 1999 at the Eugene O'Neill Theater Center during their Cabaret Symposium. Or as we called it, "Cabaret Bootcamp."

Yes, it was as gay as it sounds.

But getting to sing for and take notes from dynamic and brilliant singers like Ms. Wilson changed me as a performer, as a singer and as a person.

I remember, when I had my one-on-one session with Julie, she started off by asking me about my life in Chicago and I told her where I worked and where I sang and I ended it by saying something flippant and self-deprecating (as I usually do) about how I wasn't rich. Julie looked me right in the eyes, took my right hand in her hands and said...

"I think you're very rich."

And as cliched and silly as that might sound to some, it unlocked something in me. It helped me let go of all the trappings that keeps performers from actually performing at their best.

You see, if I'm worried about making fortune and being a "star," then I'm not concentrating on making the best art that I can with my voice and my body. I'm not listening, I'm not "in the scene" - - I'm simply trying to get somewhere. And the funny part about that is that the wanting of the stardom is usually the thing that keeps you FROM the stardom.

So, I'm not rich. But I am rich.

This song says that much better than I could. I saw Julie perform this song at the Symposium and it was stellar.

I'd love to hear what that idiot Simon would have to say about THIS performance...

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Cap & Red Robin Live!

Today it's going to be crazy at the comic book shop.

No, they won't be grieving how John Edwards dropped out of the race for President this morning. I will, but they won't.

No, today will be crazy at the comic book shop, because today is the day that Captain America comes back.

And while I haven't read much of the Marvel Universe since issue #7 of CIVIL WAR made me want to throw the book across the room and scream, "You made me wait how many months for THAT?!?!," I do know that this doesn't mean Steve Rogers is back from the dead.

This means that his former sidekick, Bucky Barnes, is the new Captain America. Complete with a somewhat new Cap costume designed by comic legend Alex Ross.

But I doubt I will buy the next issue of CAPTAIN AMERICA with Bucky as Cap.

I'll be too busy buying the latest issue of COUNTDOWN to see if there's another hot picture of Jason Todd who used to be Robin until he was killed by The Joker, came back from the dead - - somehow... alternate earth, I guess - - took over the identity of Red Hood and then, in the last issue of COUNTDOWN became...

Red Robin.

Hot. Friggin' hot. Give me all of that.

P.S. When Cap died last Spring, his shield was given to Steve Colbert. So, when Colbert heard that Captain America as back in action, he assumed that Marvel had made him the new Cap.

Check out this clip from THE COLBERT REPORT from earlier this week to see his reaction to Bucky being given the job and to find out exactly who in Washington is actually a Skrull.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

O & O in '09

I'm sure nearly everyone has seen this already, but here is Barack Obama giving David Letterman's Top Ten List on Thursday, January 24th.

The subject: Top Ten Barack Obama Campaign Promises.

Not that I dislike Barack, but the phrase "Media Whore" is slowly seeping into my mind when I think of him. I can't help but get the feeling that Obama is to gays and lesbians what Clinton was to gays and lesbians in '92.

And what did we get from Bill Clinton? "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Yay. Denial, lies and blatant prejudice. Who could ask for anything more?

I know Obama is for Civil Unions and not so much for Gay Marriage, but the last time I was on his site, I couldn't find one reference to gay and lesbian issues. If you find one, please send it to me, because that's the kind of omission that is veering me towards Hillary Clinton and/or John Edwards.

You know, John Edwards. One of the other guys running for the Democratic Nomination who the media seems to always forget is actually in the room. At the podium. Speaking.

And then, there's The Number One Barack Obama Campaign Promise from Letterman's list...

"Three Words:
Vice President Oprah"

Never have the words "Funny because it's true" contained more truth.

TMI Tuesday

If Giuliani loses the Florida Primary today, he will most likely drop out of the Presidential race.

Just in case he actually wins the state, could someone call Jeb Bush and ask him to do that "ballot tampering thing" again? It worked so well 7 years ago.

In the meantime, here's a little TMI Tuesday.

1. Would you stay in a relationship with an physically unfaithful partner?

Not anymore, but I have.

Of course, this assumes that one of the rules I had with my boyfriend was "Not Sleep with Anyone Else," which for me isn't as important as "Don't Lie to Me," "Treat Me with Respect" and "Enjoy Our Time Together."

2. Would you stay in a relationship with an emotionally unfaithful partner?

Better question. Probably not.

If I love someone and they love someone else, I would rather that they be with the person they love. What good is a relationship that's based on trying to make someone love you?

3. On a scale of 1-10, how important is the recognition of birthdays to you (your's, a friend's, a partner's)?

Since I try hard to remember birthdays, but fail miserably at times, I can't exactly say that recognizing a birthday is essential to friendship.

For me, the one thing that is essential to friendship is being available and providing support, encouragement and love when it ISN'T your birthday. When things go incredibly wrong and Life is pain, not a party.

I remember the day that I told my mother I was gay. We were on the phone and her immediate response was that she wished she had aborted. My friend Scot was with me, took me out, talked to me and gave me every ounce of support that I needed.

Maybe that's why I have always held friends closer to my heart that boyfriends. We gay people - - at least gay people my age and older - - have created lives where our friends become our family. In my life, boyfriends have unfortunately come in and out of my life quickly, but my friends have, for the most part, remained constant.

4. When you have a "toe-curling" orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?

I am SO grossed out by this question.

My ex not only curls his toes down when he orgasms, he also cracks the knuckles of this toes at the same time. And when those nasty feet are inches away from your face because his legs are CONSTANTLY resting on you shoulders - - because, gentle readers, he is and was a whore - - you can't help but throw up a little in your mouth.


5. Every one has a pet peeve, tell me one of yours.

One? How about 50.

My new pet peeve are those people on the bus or the train who sit in the seat closest to the aisle and leave the seat closest to the window empty so that they can have the whole friggin' seat to themselves.

And then, if you politely ask to sit in the window seat, they always sigh loudly and act like it's the biggest burden in the world for them to have to slightly move so that you are required to crawl over them just to sit down.

Hey Princess, you don't own the CTA! As my friend Aaron says, "You ain't nobody!," so sit next to the window before I take my cock out and slap you across the face with it.

If you're going to open your mouth to sigh, you might as well put it to good use.

Bonus (as in optional):Name someone famous who you have no sexual interest in but would have sex with just to brag about it?

Jessica Alba. Can you imagine the looks on every straight boys face in America if had me some Alba and all they could do was dream? Heaven.

Also, if I had sex with her, I could find out why that wig she wore in the second Fantastic Four movie was so unbelievably fugly.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Celebrate 38 Years in Two Nights: Just Add Vodka!

This time last week, I was out on the town and dressed to the nines celebrating my 38th birthday.

As you can see, for me "dressed to the nines" is a euphemism for "Birthday Cake Hat" accentuated with my version of Corey Worthington's "famous sunglasses."

Karen and Doug don't need such extreme accessories to look fabulous.
I, on the other hand, need all the props I can get.

One look at the stupid expressions on my face in these pictures and there can be no doubt that the vodka was FLOWING STRONG last week. Oy...


Angel - - so-named because he is one - - gave me the gift the cannot be blown out:
The Birthday Cake Hat! I love it.

It's big, bold and pastel - - just like I was in middle school back in '82 when I shoved my fat ass into my favorite teal sweater from Merry-Go-Round.


Philip gave the fantastic gift of the famous, yellow sunglasses.

I love them as well, but on me, they look less like Corey Worthington and more like that old Cher character "LaVern." By way of Corky from LIFE GOES ON.


Philip's intrinsic cuteness can pull them off, though. And that new boy he's going out with - - Jacob, seen here looking dashing in black leather - - is equally as cute, equally as funny and equally as fashion forward.

And he sells wine, so he's now my new best friend. Until he can't get that discount.


Kyle - - our cutie-patootie stage manager from LYLE - - came with his best friend and she knew EXACTLY how to meet me on my birthday. We were introduced and she said...

"Oh my god! You were the Cat in the Hat!
You're AMAZING!! I LOVED YOU in that show!"

See guys? That's all it takes to win me over. And if you have a super-sized penis, you don't even have to say all that. Just grab me by the neck and mumble, "You wanna?"


Tuesday at T's was packed with people.

There was one of my all-time favorite stage managers who became a valuable and cherished friend, Jeanne, accompanied by her beautiful girlfriend, Barb.

Thanks for buying my meal that night, you two. You're the best!


There were multi-talented actors like MK and Charissa

Look at all those drinks in front of Charissa.
Looks like she's in training to surpass me as "The Next Elaine Stritch."

Or are those MK's drinks. Hmmmmm.... STRITCHY!


There were super cute boys like Derek, Ryan and Andrew.

As you can see from his shirt, Ryan took over my long-held title of
"The Gay Blanche Deveraux of the Northside of Chicago. "

And yes, "Gay Blanche Deveraux" is redundant.


And the birthday celebration on Tuesday ended somewhere two of the hottest women in Chicago theatre - - Charissa and Dana - - were discussing something hush-hush...

I imagine Charissa is saying, "You think he's REALLY 38?"
and Dana replying, "Charissa, come on! He's 38 in dog years, maybe."

No, they both love me and plied me with drinks all night. Thanks to them and to everyone who came out last Monday and Tuesday to celebrate with me. I had an incredible time!

Good Morning

"Just call me angel of the morning, angel
"Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby."

Do think this boy enjoys Juice Newton's version of that song?

Maybe if I hummed a little of it, he's move that damn sheet.


Sunday, January 27, 2008

"Stop Digginng Through the Dirt, Weasels."

What's better than a man who is funny? A funny man who speaks out for what is right.

This is how Joel McHale on E's The Soup ended this week's episode...

"And one last thing. Heath Leger passed away this week, and in all the years we've been doing this show, we've never had cause to mention him.

"So, stop digging through the dirt, weasels. A talented, decent guy is gone, and our thoughts go to those who knew him."

Perfect and poignant. Thank you, Mr. McHale. I don't think any of us could have said it any better.

Katie Ain't Got Nothin' on Jeff

To prove that my brother is funnier than I am, cooler than I am and, yes indeed, gay, here is the text message I received from him today concerning today's marathon...

"My worst time I have ever done.

"Threw up twice and had awful cramps but I finished!

"At least I beat Katie Holmes' time.

"Headed to the jacuzzi."

'Atta girl!

"The Mystery of the Disappearing Hand Towels"

This morning, my brother Jeff is running the Miami Marathon.

At the present time, it is 66 degrees in Miami and 12 degrees here in Chicago.

Of course, 12 is a heat wave for us, seeing as how just two days ago, it was -9 degrees. And that's not the wind chill factor, that was the actual temperature.

So, I wish I could be in Miami right now for a number of reasons - - to enjoy the weather and to cheer my little brother on.

Here's a picture of the two of us taken after he ran his first marathon here in Chicago a couple of years ago.

He could barely walk that night, but he managed to limp over to Hydrate for a couple of cocktails.

He also managed to bring a handsome man FROM Hydrate to my apartment to trick with that night. On my couch, no less.

Curiously enough, when I woke up the next morning, both the trick and the hand towels in my bathroom were gone.

Jeff, of course, lied and said he didn't know anything about "The Mystery of the Disappearing Hand Towels." But after a little interrogation from me, he cracked, admitted what he had done and pulled the significantly soiled hand towels out from under my couch.

"What?," I said. "Wiping up your spunk with some tissues is too good for you?"

So Jeff, best of luck today in the marathon. And best of luck tonight with your post-marathon trick.

Go ahead and use the hotel's hand towels. They won't mind.

Friday, January 25, 2008

He Who Laughs Last

What do you get when you're driving drunk on a suspended license because of a DUI arrest - - so drunk in fact that your blood-alcohol level is DOUBLE that of the legal limit - - and you drive your car into and kill a man on a bicycle?

Well, if you're on the phone with a friend after it happens and if you laugh when that friend says that you should be given a medal and a parade for "taking out a tree hugger, a bicyclist, a Frenchman and a gay guy all in one shot" - - well, in that circumstance you get 10 and a half years in prison.

That's what happened to this woman - - Melissa Arrington, age 27.

Pretty, ain't she? Yeah, pretty fuckin' haggard.

Melissa here - - and you just KNOW that she was one of those girls in middle school who dotted the "i" in "Melissa" with a little heart, don't you? - - was convicted two months ago of negligent homicide and two counts of aggravated DUI in connection with the December 2006 death of Paul L'Ecuyer.

And when the judge heard a tape of the phone call where Melissa's friend commended her for "taking out... a gay guy," where Melissa laughed and then her friend said that he knew that was terrible thing to say and Melissa replied, "No, it's not," the judge gave her just one year shy of the maximum penalty for her crimes.

But don't worry, Melissa. You won't be around any "gay guys" in a maximum security women's prison.

That's ok, though. I mean, we gay men, when you piss us off, we just hold you down and fuck with your hair.

But the lesbians in prison? They're our sisters and I'm sure they're none too pleased that you laughed about "taking out... a gay guy."

Here's a tip: Sister Spike likes it when you use your tongue to spell out the alphabet when you're "down there."

Don't know what I'm talking about? You will... very soon...

The Lion Wants Courage & We All Know What Clay Is Aiken For

My friend Michael Ryczek sent me this picture yesterday and the email simply said...

"who's the bigger sissy - you decide"

Well, let's see. Clay is in a rhinestone-studded, "poor man's Porter Wagoner" tux and a red wig- - his costume from SPAMALOT - - but the Cowardly Lion's hair is FIERCE and it's neatly bundled into a red, silk bow.

Then again, Clay's got that whole orange-tan, overly-white teeth, "face pulled so tight he looks Eurasian" thing going on. But the Cowardly Lion's eyebrows have been plucked into a severe, "bitch don't fuck with me" arch.

Let's face it - - it's impossible to figure out who is the bigger sissy. Let's just consider them "Separated at Birth."

Sort of like post-stroke Bette Davis and the Apple Tree from THE WIZARD OF OZ.

P.S. Clay Aiken has a blog on the SPAMALOT web site. Since he's in the show till May, his blog will either be a source of continuous laughs or a cure for insomnia. Either way, someone wins.

But whoever wins, you can be damn sure it isn't the audience members of Broadway's SPAMALOT. Unless he falls into the orchestra pit. Now, THAT would be funny.

Fratboy Friday

A post-birthday Fratboy Friday...


Very hot. Especially when you take into account that his t-shirt says "Montana Buzzcocks."
Hairy or buzzed - - I like 'em both ways.



If my father had shown me a picture like this when I was younger, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have played football in high school. God bless Lycra.



On October 2, 2005, Trevor showed his ass to the world. And it was good.



On my birthday, when I needed my birthday spankings, where was this drunk straight boy?
And where did he get that hat?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Slut Meme

Polt over at Polt's Place has tagged me for "The Smut Meme."

My name and "smut" are synonymous. Who knew? Ok, everybody knew, but still...

This is a meme created by Isabella Snow and "The Smut Meme" rules are to link to her, to link to the person who tagged you and to tag two others.

In my experience, sex that has a lot of rules turns out to be a LOT of fun, so I'm game. And I've obeyed the rules Mistress Isabella. May I have another?

Thank you, Mistress! On with "The Smut Meme."

1. Chocolate or Whipped Cream? Whipped Cream, I'd say. It's a little stiffer and can adhere to certain shapes. And sizes.

Then again, there is chocolate Magic Shell.

You know, that stuff that pours over ice cream and hardens. That might be fun.

Pour it on when it's soft, get it hard and watch Mr. Happy "punch" out of it's encasement.

Lord, I need to get out more...

2. Leather or PVC? This picture should answer that question, but fair warning: If you don't want to see ALL of me, don't look.

3. Outdoor Sex or Indoor Sex? Anytime there's a chance to do it outdoors, I say GO FOR IT!! City or country, alley or valley - - outdoors brings the thrill of possibly being caught and the mind-blowing sensation of feeling the air and the world all around your naked body.

Just be mindful of the poison ivy.

And the cops.

And George Michael. He's always in the woods lookin' for a little somethin'-somethin', isn't he?

4. In the Jacuzzi or In Bed? I'm for more spice than sugar, so I say the Jacuzzi. Or the front porch. Or on top of the refrigerator. Utilize your space, that's my motto.

5. Bad Sex or No Sex? As my father is fond of saying, "Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's great. And when it's bad, it's still pretty good."

6. Dominate or Be Dominated? Again, the picture in the link above will answer that. Although, I can be versatile when I want/need to be.

As my friend John Cardone once said about me being vers, "Sure Stephen, you're versatile. Spelled B-O-T-T-O-M."

7. Thigh highs or Bodystocking? Singlet. For obvious reasons.

8. Fast or Slow? Mix it up and take your time. This ain't a race, it's an adventure.

9. Rough or Gentle? See #8

10. Bite or Suck? Depends on the location. If we're talking about My Boys, it's the latter, but if it's Nipple Time, the former. Are clamps an option?

11. Role play or Reality? Role play. But be careful when you role play with an actor. We know how to get into and STAY into a scene. We commit to our role, baby. And you will LOVE IT!

12. Dirty Talking or Dirty Talking To? Both! To quote the play, AS IS, "Talking dirty makes it feel like Spring."

13. Edible panties or No Panties? Panties, boxers, tighty-whities or commando - - whatever gets your propeller spinning, I'm in.

14. Spanking paddle or Bare-handed? Whichever pleases you more, Sir. (Woohoo! I'm gonna get spanked! Yay!)

15. Landing Strip or Kojak? Looking at the top of my head doesn't answer that question for you? "Who loves you, baby?"

16. Multiple Sessions or One Good Fuck? Depends on the time available. Got the weekend? Let's go multiple. Got 10 minutes in the back of a cab? One good one!

17. Moaning or Screaming? Moaning AND screaming. And wailing. And begging. Let's give the neighbors something to talk about!!!

18. Older Men or Young Men? Older and younger and everything in between. I'm an Equal Opportunity Tramp.

19. Threeway or No Way? Threeway? Is that as big as the group can get? Let's fill the room and then send out for seconds.

20. Swing or No Swinging? Let's just say, too much of a good thing is grand!

And now I have to tag two people. Hmmmm....

When I tag people for these memes, I sometimes feel like I'm passing on a chain letter, so with that said, I lovingly choose Dirk over at Too Disgusting to Contemplate, Too Compelling to Ignore and my buddy Shirl over at Shirley Heezgay for this Smut Meme.

Not that they have to accept the tag and not that I find either of them smutty.

Although, I have had smut-filled fantasies featuring both of them. I'm just sayin...

Quantum of Solace

A couple of years ago, when Daniel Craig stepped into 007's exquisitely tailored suit...

...and yes, in my fantasy, Bond DOES wear that uber-hot square cut swimsuit under all his suits and tuxedos...

...everyone said that he was a horrible choice for Bond.

And as anyone who saw CASINO ROYALE will tell you, the opposite became true.

Daniel Craig claimed the role of 007 for his own.

With his chiseled body, rugged good looks and animal command of everything around him, he achieved the unthinkable - - He made Sean Connery's Bond look kind of like a wus.

Those of you who disagree, think of it this way: The only thing that can trump Connery's entrance in DR. NO - - lighting a cigarette at the Chemin de Fer table and saying, "Bond, James Bond" for the very first time - - is Craig's exchange with a bartender in CASINO ROYALE...

Bond: "Vodka martini."

Bartender: "Shaken or stirred?"

Bond: "Do I look like I give a damn?"

The winner is Craig. By a six pac.

The title of the next Bond film was just announced - - Quantum of Solace. It's the title of one of Ian Fleming's Bond short stories from the collection entitled For Your Eyes Only.

The title has barely been announced and already, there are Bond fans saying that it's the worse title of a Bond film ever.

I love the title. Hell, you could call the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for all I care. Just make sure that Craig is Bond.

And preferably naked again.

Packing a Musket by Jerri Blank

To cleanse my blog of the bile left by just writing the name "Fred Phelps," I thought we could use a little poetry by my favorite 46 year old high school Freshman, Jerri Blank...

Packing a Musket
by Jerri Blank

When you work from your home,
And johns call on the phone,
You're a Call Girl

When you walk to your limp,
And give a cut to a pimp,
You're a Street Whore

When they're beggin' you please
To get down on your knees
Near their groinage

'Scuza me
But you see
Don't you touch
Where they pee
Without coinage

When I straddle and squat
To show you my...

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

News Release: Fred Phelps Fails to Evolve a Thumb

I just read this over at A Twisted Thought and I had to pass it on.

The is a news release from Fred Phelps from his "God Hates Fags" web site.

No I'm linking to him or his site. I can barely type that name without projectile vomiting.

Mr. Phelps' unChristian hatred of anyone who is different from him or who doesn't share his DNA...

...And who DOES share Phelps' DNA? Or a better question: Who would ADMIT that they share his DNA?...

...his hate, his stupidity and his unconscionable lack of kindness and grace constantly amaze me.

It's a statement like this from Mr. Phelps that makes me think perhaps Darwin was wrong.

Thanks to A Twisted Thought for informing me of this.

"Exercise at Home"

I was just updating my Wish List - - since Alanda gave me one of my Wish List books [Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You)] for my birthday - - and this image popped up under one of my "Amazon Suggestions."

It's for a book of photography by Luke Smalley entitled, "Exercise at Home."

The suggestion is for the hardcover.


I know that's not at tat on this boy in the picture, but I kind of wish that it was. I love it. So different.

Of course, this boy could have a tattoo of Dick Cheney's ass on his chest and I would still love it.

After a quick Google search, I found a few more images from this book of photography...

I like his "tat" even more when he's laying down. Yeah, like that's a shock.


On first glance, I didn't see the chain around his neck. I thought he was holding that trophy up just by the sheer power of what he might call his "Special Purpose."
I would call it "My New Best Friend."


"Nice set."


I always wondered what those hot UPS Drivers looked like when they worked out.
Now, I know.

On these boys, Black Socks + Shorts = HOT! Who knew?


Hot guys pushing and shoving a gigantic, leather ball.
In your Funk & Waganall, this is the picture beside the definition for "homoerotic."

Needless to say, Luke Smalley's "Exercise at Home" is now on my Amazon Wish List.

Now, where can I get my hands on a gigantic, leather ball? Hmmmm...

Lyle on YouTube!

Look what my friend Mike over at Logopolis did for me: He put the LYLE, LYLE CROCODILE appearance on WGN's Morning Show on YouTube!!

Here are all of the spots we did that morning. It starts out with Tom / Lyle singing "Where I Belong," goes into "Soapy Crocodile" and then there's some crazy assed spots with yours truly as Senior Hector P. Valenti (star of stage and screen) from my song with Lyle entitled "They Loved Us." It ends with Danielle singing "People Like You" - - belting her ass off before 9 in the morning!!!

The music and lyrics are by George Howe. He is a genius. As is our book writer Christina Calvit. Genius.

As Ana says right before Tom and I are circling her with feather fans...

"You will never see a production like this."

I think what she meant to say was...

"You will never see a production AS GAY AS this. Ever."

Thanks for doing this for me, Mike. I love it.

P.S. We've had 9 hits on YouTube so far. We're FAMOUS!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

TMI Tuesday

TMI Tuesday Birthday Edition!!

1. What was your favorite book as a kid?

This is an easy one. It's the one book I checked out of my elementary school's library more than any other - - And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.

I loved how it started out so small and simple and careened into a gigantic, chaotic mess.

Hmmmmm.... Stephen's Favorite Childhood Book = His Life as an Adult? Yeah, pretty much.

2. If you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?

Give me as many Michael Chabon books as I could bring. Most especially The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay.

Mike over at Logopolis bought the hardcover of that book for me a few years ago and it remains my favorite novel to this day.

3. What was the first "naughty" book you read and in what way was it naughty?

Hell, it inspired the name of this blog! I didn't read all of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, but when the girls passed me the book and whispered, "Page 64!!," I listened. And read.

That book talked about body parts I didn't even know existed. I mean, Seuss didn't talk about those things over on Mulberry Street, but I imagined them. Boy, did I imagine them.

4. If you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?

My mind flashed on the one thing that either Eric or Philip said when they first visited my apartment at my Pride Parade party a couple of years ago.

One of them - - I can't remember who - - said that by being in my apartment, they understood me much better. Then, the opened one of my kitchen cabinets where I literally have piles of anything and everything shoved into it (very Ma & Pa Kettle, if that makes any sense), and then they said...
"Outside Control, Inside Chaos."

That is me. Absolutely, positively me.

5. Would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?

One look at what I post on Fridays should answer that question.

Why? Because I have a penis and men are extremely visual creatures who seem to be able to find anything sexy.

Which is why, when it comes to my goal of being a gay sex symbol, there's hope for me yet!

Then again, you don't need to be either gay or straight, male or female to find the boy in this picture hot. You just have to be alive.

Suddenly, for the first time, I'm WAY interested in sports.

I wonder why...?

Bonus (as in optional):Do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?

Honey, I don't know the NAME of the first person with whom I had sex. I'm assuming it was a man, but I finished so quickly, anything's possible.

Heath Ledger

Alanda just emailed me this. I can't believe it.

"Heath Ledger, who was nominated for an Academy Award in 2005 for his role as a gay cowboy in "Brokeback Mountain," was found dead today in a Manhattan apartment, New York police told CNN.

"A possible drug overdose was suspected.

"Ledger was 28."

So sad. So very sad.

Raven Knows How to Pick 'Em

Check out the birthday greeting that Raven made for me.

It's as if she looked into my bedroom and saw what birthday gifts await me tonight.

Eeny, meeny, miny, yummy!

Thanks, Raven!

It's My Birthday, Y'all!

Ever since this hit SNL, I can't have a birthday without thinking about Oprah's Favorite Things Birthday Edition!

It's my birthday, y'all!!

Thanks to everyone who came to Sidetrack last night (photos to come). See some of you tonight at T's!!!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

George and Gracie

CBS News Sunday Morning just reminded us all that today is George Burns' birthday.

He was born on January 20, 1896.

They ran two clips with Mr. Burns and his brilliant comedy partner, Gracie Allen. I had to pass them on.

This one from an early movie clip using a bit right out of their vaudeville act...

George: "Could you eat two big lambchops alone?"

Gracie: "Alone? Oh no, not alone. With potatoes, I could."

And this one from their 50's tv show, THE GEORGE BURNS AND GRACIE ALLEN SHOW...

George: "My, what beautiful flowers!"

Gracie: "Aren't they lovely, and if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have them."

George: "Me? What did I have to do with this?"

Gracie: "Well, it was your idea. You said, when I went to visit Clara Bagley to take her flowers, so when she wasn't looking, I did."

It doesn't get funnier than that.

Happy Birthday, George.

And a belated Happy Birthday to Ms. Dolly Parton who turned 62 yesterday.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Corey Worthington: Cultural Hero

You know that part from AMERICAN BEAUTY where Lester and Ricky are smoking a joint outside and Ricky's boss walks outside and says...

Catering Boss: "I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here."

Ricky Fitts: "Fine. So, don't pay me."

Catering Boss: "Excuse me?"

Ricky Fitts: "I quit. So, you don't have to pay me. Now, leave me alone."

Catering Boss: "...asshole."

Lester Burnham: "I think you just became my personal hero!"

I know that more than a few of you won't agree, but that's exactly how I feel about Corey Worthington.

Have you heard about this kid? Corey is a 16 year old Australian boy who decided to throw a party at his parent's house while they were out of the country on holiday. A party attended by over 500 people where the police were called and then retreated because Corey's drunken mob / party guests trashed police cars, the neighborhood and apparently his parents house.

That's not why he's my personal hero. Although, that is pretty fucking cool. No, Corey Worthington is my personal hero because of this interview he gave on Australian tv...

No, he's not going to take off his sunglasses, bitch. Why won't he? Because they're fucking HOT sunglasses.

Because he has more style in his pinky than I have in my whole thumb.

Because he's 16 years old, has a nipple ring and a hot little body and he knows it.

Because our youth-obsessed culture CREATED Corey Worthington, and deep down, we ALL want to have been at that party, knowing that we were living for that moment and fuck the rules, fuck society, fuck the world.

There are days when I am choked by so much bourgeois in this "act one way and believe another" world in which we live. If everyone is really disgusted by this boy and the world didn't want to be Corey Worthington, then AMERICAN IDOL wouldn't be the hottest show on television. Then, HANNAH MONTANNA wouldn't be the most expensive concert ticket in the nation. Then, I wouldn't be invisible when I walk into a gay bar because I'm not 22 years old.

So Corey, go for it. Live it up. Party hard and fast and grab ahold of this ride and squeeze out every fucking dollar those rich, old white men want to give you.

If you want to know what we as human beings truly value, don't listen to what we say, watch what we do, what we buy, what shows we watch and what celebrities we obsess over.

The cultural zeitgeist does not lie.

And Corey, if it's at all possible, invite me to your next party.

You had me at "Naked Twister."