Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Move Over Carol. There's a New Doll in Town

Doug from I Get That a Lot asked me if I received Carol Channing for Christmas.

Carol Channing the ventriloquist doll, not the real Carol Channing. What would I do with the real Carol Channing? Dress up like Ethel Merman and recreate The Love Boat Follies?

Yes, that's EXACTLY what I would do! But who would play Della Reese and Ann Miller? Not to mention, where would we find a wig teased high enough to look like Ann Miller's hair?

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I received neither Carol Channing nor the "Put your hand up my ass and you can make my mouth move" version of Carol Channing.

Put your hand up MY ass and you can make me see Jesus, but I digress...

Still, I'm not crying over not receiving my Kitty Carryall Carol Channing. That's SO the top of LAST month's Wish List.

Look at who's on top of THIS month's Wish List. Emphasis on "top."

This is Jack Krauser. I found this 12-inch version of him over at Sideshow Collectibles.

They call this figure "Jack Krauser (Transformed)." I call it "Daddy."

From what I gather, Jack - - with his sexy, red striped face, his mutated left arm (wtf?) and his chest and abs so defined that I'm sure he has a catchphrase like "Get me a Band-Aid cause I'm CUT!" or something - - is a character from Resident Evil 4.

Now, I wouldn't know Resident Evil 4 from a hole in my ass - - so many "ass" references in this post... "The lady doth need to get rode hard and put up wet, methinks" - - but apparently, the home gaming world has advanced quite a bit since my Atari 2600 days.

I mean, I never got a woody playing Pitfall.

Well, that one time, but that's because my cousin... nevermind... it's a Southern thing...

11 comments:

Aaron said...

It IS sort of a hot-looking figure.

Well, you know--minus that whole *gag* arm--thing...

Polt said...

I think I'd make a better Ethel Merman than you. You should be the Miller chick. Now, all we need is a Della Reese, and the Love Boat Follies may commence!

Nooooo biz-I-ness, like SHOOOOOOOOw biz-I-ness like no, biz-i-ness I KNOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!

HUGS....

Shirley Heezgay! said...

oh. my. god.

so much to refer to here....let's see, where to start.

Ann Miller wig? Check. Got it. (just fyi)
Ass references? You come with very good references, in fact. *teehee*
Atari/Pitfall!?!? Oh, hell yes. Pitfall WAS my game. Me and Pitfall Harry would tear through that forest!

sigh

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - The arm actually turns me on. Because I'm a freak. :)

Polt - Well, I can't tap, but I'll give being Ann Miller a whirl if you'll don Ms. Merman's duds. Where is my Chicago buddy Ty Perry? He'd make a great Della Reese!!

mrpeenee said...

I WANNA BE DELLA REESE, I WANNA BE DELLA REESE.

Doesn't the whole world seem to be getting, I don't know, GAYER? Now little boys not only play with dolls, but ones who look like porn stars whose appendages have been mutilated in a tragic fisting accident. Wow.

joe*to*hell said...

look i love this doll and all....but if i wasnt so poor, i would get me THREE carol channing dolls. those are just so genius....and only bested by the fact that jc penney is the only US retail chain. its just genius.

on another note, i would be uip for a stage reenactment of the love boat follies.....i will play whoever....please?

Mark in DE said...

You provide me with my daily dose of mania and mayhem! What did I do before discovering you???

Mark :-)

Project Christopher said...

Like you could go a week without ASS references... would you just call an escort please? hell, go to Man's Country, it can't be that expensive!

Stephen Rader said...

mrpeenee - You can be Della Reese! I love it. "Tragic fisting accident" Those words send shivers down my spine! :)

joe*to*hell - You're right, there is kind of no beating the Carol Channing ventriloquist doll. And it sounds like reenacting THE LOVE BOAT FOLLIES is something that HAS to happen. It's going to happen, baby. Wanna play Carol?

mark - "Mania and mayhem" Those are my drag names!

chris - It's not the expense, it's the fact that I've had all of them. I walk into Man's Country and they say, "Oh, her again..."

Palm Springs Savant said...

I must admit, the carol channing doll has been having more fun than me lately here...

Stephen Rader said...

rick - Carol's been having more fun that you? Don't make me have to come there and slap that bitch around!!! :)