"Exit! Stage Left, Stephen!"

The rednecks of the Windy City Queercast are back, y'all!

Amy and I recorded our latest episode of the podcast this past Sunday night while downing margaritas and enchiladas at Uncle Julio's prior to seeing the opening night performance of The Seafarer at the Steppenwolf Theatre.

And while margaritas and Tony Award winning theatre doesn't sound all that white trash, trust me...

If anybody can bring the redneck into any and all occasions, its me and Amy!

Check us out! And be sure to check the Windy City Queercast site from time to time. I'm going to be blogging on there as well.

Philip came up with my blog heading for the Queercast: "Exit! Stage Left, Stephen!"

A little shout out to Snagglepuss. Thank you, Philip!

"The Last Time I Seen Him, He Thought He Was Tammy Wynette"

It's up. I'm talking about my latest episode as a co-host of the Windy City Queercast...

...I'm one of a few different co-hosts on the Queercast and y'all, these other co-hosts are pretty damn famous. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to put out if I wanna keep this gig...

...As if that's different from any other gig I've ever had...

...and it's ready ready for download or popup.

In this episode, Amy interviews one of my favorites - - Brother Boy himself, Leslie Jordan.

Before and after the interview, Amy and I talk about Sordid Lives: The Series, Dolly Parton's upcoming Broadway musical version of 9 to 5 and about how my mother has only given one (badly executed) blow job in her entire life, and we discuss it all all while devouring mounds of Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream.

Yes, you read that correctly. That was "my mother," "blow job" and "only given one."

That's how close I am with my mother. I actually KNOW how many blow jobs she's given.

We don't compare techniques or anything. That would be trashy.

Windy City Queercast: Southern Belles

I'm back on the Windy City Queercast this week.

It's episode 224...

...and I have BEGGED Amy to put me on at least one minute of episode 227, just so I can do my best Jackée Harry impersonation and say, "Hello, Meh-reeeeeee"...

...and the episode is entitled Southern Belles Are Back!

I would love to be a Southern Belle. I'm afraid I'm a little too "redneck white trash" to actually BE a Southern Belle.

But I aspire to be a Southern Belle. I actually aspire to be Julia Sugarbaker by way of Dixie Carter.

To be a Southern Belle would be nice, but to be a Southern Belle with a strong opinion who speaks her mind would be heaven. Sheer heaven.

I mean, take one look at this clip and tell me you don't want to be "Julia: The Terminator."

"I find you rude, lazy, horny and dumb."

Stephen + Beer + Vodka = Paula. Ms. Abdul If You're Nasty.

If you want to hear what several Bud Lights and four-too-many vodka and cranberys do to me, head over to my latest co-hosting podcast on the Windy City Queercast.

I. Sound. Ridiculous. (Read as "Drunk")

We recorded this episode after I had listened to / judged 22 singers at the Windy City Gay Idol Semi-Finals, which is sponsored by Bud Light, so the beer was a-flowin'. Then, several vodkas were bought for me and that was all she wrote.

Listen to it. You can hear it in the podcast. I become Paula Abdul. The only difference is that I actually have talent.

I do, however, know all the words to "Cold Hearted Snake." Yes, even the queer-assed "Paula raps" section. Just sayin'...

This a picture of the 13 singers that made it into the Windy City Gay Idol Finals.

There isn't a picture of me from the way-too-much-alcohol evening.

Thank God.

Podcasts, Porn and Banana Margaritas

If you're interested, I'm back on the Windy City Queercast this week.

Amy and I recorded this particular podcast last Saturday night at Las Mananitas.

Over margaritas.

If you've never been to Las Mananitas, go. Go right now. They have the best Banana Margaritas in the world. Period.

Also, there's a porn shop open 24 hours a day just next door.

I'm just sayin'...

Bat-Porn

Well, I'm once again fighting off a touch of this damn cold that everyone in this city seems to catch, recover from and then catch again.

Rinse. Cough out a lung. Repeat.

But NINE was spectacular. You'll be able to hear my rave of the remarkable cast, direction, music direction, lighting and costume design sometime this week over at the Windy City Queercast.

You'll also hear Amy Matheny ask me questions about my sex life that very few people have ever dared to ask me in polite society. That's because members of polite society know full well that if they ask me what goes where, how it gets there (you turn it gently to the right, then around and you're in), and who's responsible for cleaning up the lube stains on the rug, that I WILL TELL THEM...

And I will provide them with pictures of the before, during and after. For a fee.

I only wish I had a picture of me dressed and shackled the way Robin is in this toon below. Who would be my Batman? I'm going with Jason Statham. In or out of the Batsuit.

I'm posting this picture because I think this would be an excellent image for the cover of our gay male porn version of THE DARK KNIGHT.

So many great porn titles were submitted, but two really made me hope that someone would actually make this gay comic porn dream of mine a reality.

Both titles are perfect and I think they work brilliantly when combined. We have cb of The Mangina Monologues to thank for the main title and Eric McCool to thank for the summer blockbuster tagline.

Ladies and gentlemen... So sorry. Ladies and ladies, I give you...

The Dark Knight: Rise of the Poker
"A Batkakke Bone-anza"

"Batkakke." We've seen that on the cover of Detective Comics, haven't we?

NINE Tomorrow

Tomorrow, Amy Matheny is taking me to the matinee of Porchlight Music Theatre's production of NINE and I can't wait.

First of all, their Guido Contini (Jeff Parker) doesn't look hard on the eyes AT ALL.

Secondly, I have tons of friends in the show, including the fabulous Danielle Brothers who I just shared the stage with in Lyle.

And lastly, if this video that Porchlight put together is any indication, this production of NINE is going to be THE musical to see this season.

I mean, Bethany Thomas stripping off a nun's habit and singing "Be Italian." What more do you want in a musical? Seriously!!



P.S. Amy and I will be remote podcasting for Windy City Queercast before and after the show. Isn't that a hoot? Who knew I was so technical with the internets? Me? Not knowing.

Windy City QueerCast Co-Host

Hey, y'all. I'm back on the Windy City QueerCast this week.

In fact, I'm now one of three revolving co-hosts of the QueerCast. Another is my fabulous friend, Ms. Alexandra Billings. All three of us will be working with full-time co-host and all around brilliant lesbian, Amy Matheny.

This week, we talk a little about showtunes and Sidetrack and a lot about Dolly Parton and Project Runway.

I know. Shocker, huh?

So, if you don't already get enough of me on here, subscribe to the Windy City QueerCast on your iTunes. And listen to me in all my syllabant "s" glory.

As if talking about showtunes and Project Runway wasn't gay enough, why do I sound like a tire with a slow leak when I talk? Does God just not WANT me to get laid or something? Oy...

I Need a Doll!

The elf in this picture is a friend of mine, Mitchell.

No, he isn't wearing jingle bells and candy cane striped leggings because it's a new kind of S&M relationship where the Daddy dresses like Santa and the boy dresses like an elf.

Although, that is a titillating thought...

No, Mitchell was the brilliant star of last December's production of The SantaLand Diaries, a one-man show taken from the David Sedaris book, Holidays on Ice.

Mitchell was amazing in the show. A one-man tour de force. I love to watch Mitchell on stage. He is one of the best and most talented actors in this or any other city.

That said, this was the last picture I expected to see when I scrolled through my email from the Windy City Media Group and saw that Mitchell was the co-host on this week's Windy City QueerCast with Amy Matheny.

All I could think of when I saw this picture was... Well, I'll just copy the email I sent to Mitchell...

"I never thought I would ever see an elf doing an infallible Susan Hayward as Helen Lawson in the Ladies Lounge scene from VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, but there it is. Right there. In that picture.

"I can just hear you saying, 'Look, they drummed you right out of Hollywood, so you come crawlin' back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope.'"

Lost? Well, watch this little piece of classic gay camp. Then, watch it again and imagine Mitchell in that elf costume fighting with Patty Duke in all her Neely O'Hara glory.



The thing about it is that I KNOW that Mitchell would kick Susan Hayward's ass in that scene, in or out of an elf costume.

Anybody know who was originally supposed to play the role of Helen Lawson?

A Queer Voice on the Queercast

About a week ago, Amy Matheny invited me to stand in for Peter Mavrik on Windy City Queercast's World AIDS Day podcast.

I'm not very much in tune with the world of podcasters. To me, the ultimate Queercast would Lilly Tomlin's Ernestine...

"Have I reached the party to whom I am speaking"

That said, Amy and Peter put together really great shows. If you want to listen to my World AIDS Day podcase with Amy, it's up now. Give it a listen if you feel like it.

I probably won't be listening to it. Why? Well, first of all, I was there, so I know what I said (at least I hope I do...), but the main reason comes down to the fact that I hate the sound of my voice.

My talking voice, that is. I've learned to enjoy my singing voice. A little. However, I'm not one of those singers who wants to listen to the track they just recorded or who hosts parties to show my friends the tape of my star turn as The Leading Player in my college production of PIPPIN.

I'm sure when I'm in my 80's, I'll click on those tracks and pop in those videos of my performances and enjoy them. What I was. What I could do. Hopefully, what I'll still be able to do when I'm 80, but just in case I can't, I'll have proof that at one time, I could.

Sort of like the naked pictures I have of myself at my most ripped. They prove the body I can achieve with a little willpower, a little gym sweat, no carbs and all protein. I look at those pictures and say to myself...

"Damn. I was hot. Pass me the pizza, dear. No, not a 'slice.' The PIZZA! Thank you."

So, although I may be able to occasionally listen to my singing voice, my talking voice is just too painful to hear.

I realize that I don't sound like Barry White to other people, but when I hear my recorded talking voice, it sounds like...

Well, Doug one day said that I sounded just like Kayne from Season Three of PROJECT RUNWAY. And I'm pretty sure he's right. And I hate that, because when my brain hears my recorded voice, it's Kayne's voice, only faggier and with S's that go on for dayssssssssss.

As comfortable as I am with myself as a gay person, something about sounding like a big old sissy puts me right back in the moment when my father screamed at me to...

"Stop walking like a damn girl!"

He forgot that as soon as he said it. It's burned in my mind. I hate it.

Good thing I have a huge cock or my self-confidence would be shattered.

P.S. For the record, I did not play The Leading Player in PIPPIN in college.

I have never played The Leading Player in PIPPIN.

I've played Fastrada 17 times.

The Leading Player? Zero.

Go know...