Monday, March 31, 2008

Hilary's Very Own Sunsilk Ad

For many different reasons, I am gradually shifting my support from Hilary Clinton to Barack Obama.

I'll talk about this in more depth later, but it goes without saying that Hilary's campaign could use a little boost.

Pretty on the Outside has just the right idea.

Here's Hilary joining the likes of Madonna and Marilyn Monroe with her very own Sunsilk ad.

This is friggn' brilliant!

"Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is you do to me?"

David just sent this Action Comics cover to me and y'all... what the fuck?!?

This passes Superdickery. This moves well into the realm of To Catch a Predator.

"To Catch a Kryptonian Predator?!?" Chris Hanson better go to Addis Ababa and get him a piece of green meteorite, tout de suite.

Now, on the actual cover of Action Comics #457, the little boy has a few word balloons and is saying something to Clark / Kal-el / SuperPerv.

But doesn't the image just say it all?

I probably picked up this copy of Action Comics in '76, read it and kept it under my pillow. What little six year old gay boy wouldn't want to see Clark Kent at the foot of his bed stripping down to his Superman togs with that look on his face?

Okay, maybe EVERY six year old gay boy wouldn't want that, but I certainly did!!

"This is the day of the Cubs, y'all"

Today is the Opening Day for the Chicago Cubs.

I live a few blocks away from Wrigley Field. Last year, I was flying home from Tennessee on the Cubs' Opening Day and decided to drop by bags off at home before going downtown to work.

This was a HUGE mistake, because I got off of the Blue Line and waited for the Addison bus to take me east. With each block, the bus got more and more crowded. With Cubs fans. Who dressed the part. And who had been drinking, I think, since around 1918.

I was in Hell.

Thank God I will avoid all of that this year. Not that I've got anything against baseball or the Cubs.

Other than the fact that one game of baseball takes longer to play than a production of LES MISERABLES and MISS SAIGON combined.

And other than the fact that Cubs fans regularly walk through Boystown, where I live, and laugh and point and snicker (at the very least) at the gay bars, restaurants and shops around the corner from Wrigley.

Just like my Daddy told me about spiders, "They are more frightened of us than we are of them."

Still, Eric McCool sent me this picture of a baseball player to celebrate Opening Day.

If this dude is playing for the Cubs this year, I'll see you at the ballpark. Frequently.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

I Believe in Harvey Dent ("Too" and "Naked")

If you're the Bat-Fan that I am, you've already been to the "I Believe in Harvey Dent" site and checked out all of the incredible viral marketing / "advertainment" for the new Batman film, The Dark Knight.

But poor Harvey. The Joker just won't leave the future Two-Face alone.

I mean, just look at how Harvey's campaign billboards have been defaced.

And that's not all.

Check out "I Believe in Harvey Dent TOO." It will load to a black page with the warning "Page Not Found." Then, click "Select All" from your browser's edit menu.

The Clown Prince of Crime knows html. Who knew?

P.S. As Tina over at GGY-Meta said...

"I Believe in Harvey Dent, Naked."

Amen, girl. Amen.

Aaron Eckhart with nothing on but a smile.

Ain't a damn thing wrong with that.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

My Cuss-O-Meter Cuss Rating

Bill in Exile (Cuss Level: 30.3%) and Voenix Rising (Cuss Level 7.5%) introduced me to "The Blog & Website Cuss-O-Meter." I just couldn't resist finding out ARE YOU THERE, BLOG's Cuss Level.

I thought my love of four letter words just might overload and short-circuit the Cuss-O-Meter. Like gaydar at the Tony Awards. Well, almost...

While I didn't overload the Cuss-O-Meter, it's no shock that my "Cuss Level" is high...

...And let me say that if I have offended any of you with my use of blue language, please accept my apology. And lick my sweaty, pendulous ball sac. As a friend...

...but after revealing my "High 35%" level, the Cuss-O-Meter informed me that...

"This is 250% MORE than other
websites who took this test."

Really? I cuss 250% MORE?!? Come on. What other websites took this test?

"Marie Osmond's Doll Blog?" That homophobic "eHarmony?"

Well, it's official. I'm a high level potty mouth. Mama is going to be so proud.

Seriously. No joke. She will be.

I learned the brazen, yet subtle art of cussing from my mother. She's the David Mamet of East TN.

She once told me about a fight she had with my uncle over the phone one day at her office. Surrounded by soft-spoken, Southern, church-going women in all the nearby cubicles, my mother began to verbally tear my uncle a new asshole after he bitchily asked if the reason she was getting so upset with him was because her Prozac hadn't kicked in yet. As he put it...

"Wanda, have you had your PILL today?"

This caused my mother to scream...

"No, I have NOT had my FUCKING PILL, you sorry son of a bitch, but one of these days, they're going to take me off of those pills and I JUST MIGHT KILL YOU!"

As she slammed the phone down, a woman in the cubicle beside her very calmly said...

"My goodness, I've never heard such language."

My mother looked her dead in the eye and shouted...

There. You've heard it."

Taking that into consideration, a Cuss Level of "High 35%" seems less dirty and more Debbie Boone, doesn't it?

Friday, March 28, 2008

One Year Later

One year ago today, I decided to take a very small step towards keeping myself informed about the War in Iraq.

As obsessed as I am with pop culture, I'm trying to avoid becoming one of those people who knows nothing about the sacrifices being made by U.S. soldiers half a world away, and yet they know everything about who was just insulted by Simon, Auf Wiedersehened by Heidi and told to pack their knifes and leave Big Brother's house because the tribe had spoken.

I decided one year ago to add a section to my blog sidebar that shows the number of U.S. Soldiers who have lost their lives in the Iraq War since March, 2003.

As more of our soldiers die in Iraq, that section of my blog gets longer and longer. Maybe someone visiting my blog will see the number of lives lost, notice how often the numbers increase, and possibly take some time to acknowledge and give thanks to the men and women who bravely served and are serving our country. Maybe they will learn more about the current status of the war, which is, contrary to the lack of media coverage, not over.

On March 28, 2007, the number of U.S. Soldiers
who lost their lives in the Iraq War was 3,244.

On March 28, 2008, the number is 4,004.

That's 760 men and women who lost their lives fighting the War in Iraq.

To those who might say that this number is low and that since the number of U.S. soldiers dying in Iraq has decreased in the past year, this is an indicator that "The Surge" is working, the mission is almost (for the second time) accomplished, and even though the President lied to all of us to start this war, it truly was and is for the best... if you might say that...

That number - - Seven Hundred and Sixty - - refers to PEOPLE. Our friends and family members. They gave their lives for what little stability and what little democracy that presently exists in Iraq.

They are more than numbers. They are heroes. If our culture was based on common sense and not 15 minutes of crash and burn fame, our soldiers would be our nation's celebrities. Not a Survivor or an American Gladiator.

Fratboy Friday

Fratboy Friday. The online version, not the "live at a gay sports bar" kind.


Do I want this?...



Or do I want this?



I think I'll have the buffet.




Thursday, March 27, 2008


I started rehearsal's for Disney's Aladdin this past Monday and let me just say this...

Not only will I be in a full blue bodysuit as the Genie (which means, unlike Elphaba, I will only have to paint my face blue), but because I have some exposition as another character who is not the Genie at the top of the show, I will be costumed in a burqa.

Yep, I'm going to be Disney's Genie. In a burqa. I couldn't make that up if I tried.

I just saw these rather hot drawings of Disney heroes by David Kawena over at Meatcute and this one of Aladdin kind of did me in.

No burqa here. Not even close.

Mr. Kawena's other Disney heroes are just as hot. Check 'em out at deviantART.

Aladdin and Tarzan are mine.

(For Aladdin, there's a "rub my lamp" joke in there somewhere...)

No Reason, It's Just Friggin' Hot

I just saw this over at Super Underwear Perverts and I couldn't resist passing it on.


No Reason, It's Just Friggin' Hot!

Sling. Rocking Chair.

Tomato. ToMAHto.

Father & Son Campaign for Harvey Dent

Nothing - - and I mean NOTHING - - makes a man more attractive, sexier or makes me want to shake his hand and be his friend than a man who publicly shows his love for, and shares his love of life with, his children.


The folks promoting THE DARK KNIGHT have been encouraging people to download posters and buttons and the like with the phrase "I Believe in Harvey Dent" or "Take Back Gotham City! Vote Harvey Dent!"

Harvey Dent, for you non-fanboys, is the D.A. who later becomes one of Batman's archvillains, the coin-flipping Two-Face.

Over at, there are several pictures of people all around the country showing their support of Harvey Dent.

This is my favorite one. The caption says...

"Jett and son campaigning at the Texas State Capitol, Austin"

I officially nominate Jett for Father of the Year.

I think this picture proves he's just about the coolest dad known to man.

"I Believe in Harvey Dent!"

"I Just Wanna Fuckin' Dance!"

Last night, as I walked home from "All You Can Shove Night" at Pie Hole with Danny and Kyle, I overheard a straight boy say this to his girlfriend...

"By the time I get drunk enough to dance,
I'm already puking."

'Atta girl, straight boy. 'Atta girl!

P.S. "All You Can Shove Night" at Pie Hole refers to pizza. Unfortunately.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

"Who Threw That Ham at Me?!?"

I just came back from the bank and my computer's screen saver was going through a slide show of my saved pictures.

And I'm sure that the cleaning staff find some of them VERY interesting when I leave my computer on overnight...

This picture of my mother popped up and it made me smile.

Nothing says summer quite like my mother in the ocean with that look on her face.

P.S. That's my brother behind her. Don't ask what he's doing back there. We're Southerners. You don't want to know.

Realtime Fratboy Friday

Chicagoans know that I totally stole the name Fratboy Friday from Crew, our incredible gay sports bar.

Yes, they let me in the bar! I can refrain from singing showtunes a la Merman for brief periods of time.

For their Fratboy Fridays, they have a Hot Jock Contest with... yeah, you guessed it... jocks in their jocks.

After seeing this ad, I want to... ahem... "take in" this Friday's contest.

Anybody want to go with me?

I Finally Lost My Accent

I saw this quiz over at Knee Deep In Mud and I couldn't resist taking it.

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Midland

"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.

The South
The Northeast
The West
The Inland North
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Thank God the Southerner in me won out (just barely), but this does prove my father right. Every time I go back home, my father says something to the effect of...

"Damn it boy, you sound like a Yankee!"

Now, I can inform him (and all those theatre directors who make fun of the way I say "lawyer") that I don't really HAVE have an accent. And that I have a "good voice for TV and radio."

Any voice over casting directors who are reading this, take note.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

TMI Tuesday

A very sexy TMI Tuesday.

1. Stubble... good or bad? How often do you shave?

Stubble is good. Especially when it's rubbed between your cheeks. And yes, I mean between "those" cheeks.

Trust me. Try it. Soon. Like tonight.

I shave every morning. I don't think I can pull off the scruffy look.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?

My Reaction: "Fuck Yes! I got me a live one here!!!"

3. Did you ever own a fake ID?

Nope, but my friend Scot did purchase a "Membership Card" in my name at Knoxville's gay bar, The Carousel II.

It was his gift to me for my high school graduation and even though every doorman and bartender knew I was 18 years old, with that membership card, no one would ask for my ID AND I got a discount on the cover charge and on drinks.

What do you call an eighteen year old in a gay bar who can buy everyone cheap drinks?


4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?

Nope, but a boy in Atlanta dared me to go into the bathroom stall of the restaurant we were in and take off all of my clothes. I basically said, "You're on, fucker! Give me 2 minutes and then go to the men's room"

He did and there I was naked as the day I was born and he gave me a little gift for going through with his dare.

Actually it was more of a job than a gift, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

5. Have you ever had sex in the snow? Rain?

In the snow? No. Too much shrinkage in the cold.

In the rain? Hell to the Yeah! A little lightning, some thunder and I'm all for a little somethin' somethin' in the rain.

Sure, you might get electrocuted, but that's the fun of it.

Bonus (as in optional): Tell us about your last boyfriend/girlfriend?

Take a Fat Skinny Guy and combine the morals of Dick Cheney, the mental stability of Britney Spears and the voice of Steve Urkel crossed with Rip Taylor's fagginess and you've got a vague idea of the Hell I willingly put myself through for over two years.

Believe it or not, the sex was good, though.

If only he hadn't been so generous with his ass to the entire northside of Chicago, maybe we wouldn've made it.

One never knows...


My buddy Steve just sent me this picture with this simple note in the subject field...
"Excelsior *#@!*!!"

If you're not a fanboy, you might not know that this is Stan Lee, the co-creator of the classic Marvel Comics characters Spider-Man, the Hulk, the Fantastic Four and SO many others.

Stan used to end his columns columns in the back of comic books with the word "Excelsior!" which is Latin for "Higher!" or "Superior!" or "Lordly!"

It looks to me like this was taken at the premiere of the first Spider-Man movie and that smile on Stan's face looks like he's saying, "Excelsior, Motherfucker!" or "Spider-Man is the Shit and those Schumacher Batman Movies Sucked Ass, Yo!"

I want image on a t-shirt. This would be the PERFECT thing to wear to a comic book convention. Some would be pissed, some would laugh and all would bow to my brilliance.

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Best Coffee Table Book in the History of God and Man

Well, I've taken a little drilling in the comments section of my post about the 4,000 American soldiers who have lost their lives in the War in Iraq...

...just my luck that the "drilling" I receive would be "little"..., what do you do when you've received a little drilling?

You look for a bigger drill.

Check out The Big Penis Book by TASCHEN.

I'd love to see that on my coffee table.

And the book would be nice there, too.

Four Thousand and Counting

This just in...

"BAGHDAD -- Four U.S. soldiers were killed when a bomb hit their vehicle in south Baghdad late Sunday, bringing the number of U.S. service members killed in the Iraq war to 4,000.

"The grim milestone came at a time when attacks against the U.S. military are ebbing and officials have claimed significant progress against Iraq's deadly insurgency and sectarian violence. It was reached about 10 p.m. on a day when more than 60 Iraqis were killed and dozens injured in attacks in Baghdad and north of the capital."

Four thousand of our nation's men and women are dead. And notice that, on a day when four of our soldiers are killed, 60 Iraqis lost their lives.

When was it the George said "Mission Accomplished?" Oh, that's right. He said that on April 30, 2003. Nearly five years ago.

Wow, "Mission Accomplished" and yet still, people - - Americans and Iraqis - - are dying every day. And we're worried about some governor who slept with a whore? America never ceases to amaze me.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Hey, Jesus! Welcome Back!

Happy Easter, everybody.

I'm leaving now to see my friends Alanda, Rus and Kevin in the Bailiwick Repertory's production of A Man of No Importance.

Afterwards, some of us are walking over the Mi Tierra for margaritas and Mexican food.

Because nothing really says "The Resurrection of our Lord and Savior" quite like a musical about a bus driver in Dublin directing a community theatre production of "Salome" followed by tequila, beans and cheese.

Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky and play "Find the Easter Egg" with the bus boy.

It's happened before.

Saturday, March 22, 2008


Today is Stephen Sondheim's birthday. He turns 78 today.

Yes this weekend, we are celebrating two Holy days back to back.

I sat trying to think of the one Sondheim song that might possibly introduce him to non-musical theatre folk and perhaps entice them to listen to more.

But "non-musical theatre folk" comprise 90% of the population (coincidence? I don't think so) and they don't know musicals, don't understand musicals and don't care to know more than they already know. They still call "Original Cast Recordings" of musicals "Soundtracks" for God's sake! And it isn't easy to synthesize Sondheim's musical cannon into one song.

Unlike other musical theatre composers...

...Like those two guys who wrote the Liza "power anthem" ballads. Or that guy who writes the songs so catchy that they stay stuck in your head like a drill bit laced with Anthrax. Or that English guy who shares Sondheim's birthday and just writes one song for a show, then reprises the Hell out of it and tells everyone it's a score...

...Sondheim writes songs for specific characters in specific situations. That may sound a given when you're writing songs for characters in a musical play, but think of it this way:

Elphaba and Glinda's song at the end of Wicked, For Good, is a beautiful moment for those two characters in the show, but that song could easily be lifted out of that context and sung by two other characters in just about any musical. The lyrics and the style of the song are not anchored into the show in any way. It's not bound by references to Oz or witches. It isn't linked to the show. It's a great song, but it isn't specific.

With Sondheim, nearly every song is specific. Could Phyllis from Follies sing "Chrysanthemum Tea" from Pacific Overtures? Not a chance.

Could Little Red Riding Hood from Into the Woods sing "I'm Still Here" from Follies?
I'd love to see it happen, because it would be Hy-Larious, but it wouldn't work.

Sure, other composers are specific within the context of their shows, but to me, Sondheim is the master.

And as an actor, there is nothing quite like standing on stage inside the painting of A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grand Jatte and singing "Sunday." There are no words to describe the feeling of singing "Our Time" at the end of the backwards journey of Merrily We Roll Along. The emotion is inside his complex and well constructed music. The rhythms and music give you the emotion.

For example, most singers phrase the opening line of "Being Alive" from Company by singing, "Somebody hold ME too close," but if you look at the rhythm that Sondheim gives you, the phrasing should be, "Somebody hold me TOO close." It may not sound like a huge difference, but for the singer, it opens up something inside of you as you begin the song. It's like Shakespeare; it looks daunting on the page, but all you have to do is read it in the cadence he gives you and everything becomes clear.

Wow. Shakespeare. I've gone way up my own ass and I doubt if anyone has followed me this far - - and if you have, isn't it fun up here? you should pack a lunch and stay for the day - - but guys, any man whose mother's name was Foxy, who (allegedly) is WAY into bondage and who lived next door to Katharine Hepburn for years is someone we need to know more about, right?

So today in Mr. Sondheim's honor, put on your favorite Sondheim Original Cast Recording, tie a boy to a bed and have a friend stand outside your door, knocking and screaming in his best Katharine Hepburn impersonation...

"Mr. Sondheim, you untie that boy this instant.
The loons! The loons!"

We Need a Little Easter

Outside of my window there are so many inches of snow, it looks like a Saturday in February, not the third day of Spring. So, I needed a little something to put me in the Easter spirit.

First, this cartoon that Alanda introduced me to years ago...


...And a variation on that theme...


...And then, how about a little Good Morning bunny...

(If he's naked, how is his cotton tail attached... wait... nevermind... I figured it out...)


...Then, a little Fratboy Friday-ish Easter bunny....

(Apparently at this fraternity holiday party, the classic Here Comes Peter Cottontail song is replaced by a gayballs, S&M arrangement of Kander & Ebb's Mr. Cellophane.)


...And I'll end with that very same fratboy doing his kick-ass impersonation of Jerry Lewis... or is he doing Ed Grimley...

...I'd be doing Mr. Coors Light in a Box if I was him.

Mr. Coors is hot. I love a man I have to climb.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Fratboy Friday

Thanks to everyone who commented with such love about the loss of my friend. I very much appreciate your kindness. It's always important to remember what a gift we are to each other and what really matters in life.

And if there's one thing my friend and I shared, it was a love a good looking men. So here's Good Fratboy Friday him.


Mail's in.



In the Spring, a young man's fancy turns to... a young man's fancy.



"Spring is here. There's no mistaking."



Happy Easter, Everyone. Or rather, "Hoppy Easter!"

Get it? 'Cause they're dressed like bunnies. I'll just stop...

Now, where is the Playgirl Mansion?

Thursday, March 20, 2008

It Isn't Over

Yesterday, a friend of mine died.

He was funny and talented and sang with a voice that made rooms full of people stop and listen and fall in love with the sound.

The last few years were rough for him. Contrary to what some people might say, living with HIV and taking the cocktail is not a cakewalk. The AIDS virus was at war inside of my friend. Kaposi's sarcoma rampaged his body, leaving his face completely unrecognizable to those who hadn't seen him in awhile. That included me.

But he was on the upswing and was joking and laughing the last time I saw him. About a month ago.

So guys, AIDS is not over. It's not yesterday's news. It's still important. It still kills.

Protect yourself. And remember to spend time with those that you love. And tell them that you love them. Hug them. Kiss them. None of us are promised tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Windy City Gay Idol with Jinx & Mitchell

Tonight, I'm one of three judges for the Windy City Gay Idol, a fun karaoke competition produced by Windy City Media Group.

The bar hosting the competition this evening is Mary's Attic, directly above Hamburger Mary's.

I've decided that I'm the Paula Abdul judge tonight. I'll pick the guy I want to trick with, get drunk, tell the audience how hard "I work my ass off," and call it a night.

And even if I don't do that, tonight is going to be a blast. I just found out that my fellow judges are...

...and Jinx Titanic.

I would love to be the meat in that sandwich...

The Rhythm of Life

The questions are as old as time.

Who am I?

What made me the way I am?

What sparked the bizarre amalgamation of my likes, my dislikes, my fears, my passions?

Everyone asks these questions, but when I step back and examine all of these things in myself, I feel like some sort of show-tune-singing, redneck, homosexual version of Composite Superman.

As played by Yul Brenner.

Who else would freely admit that their favorite movie is Casablanca and that a close second is Smokey & the Bandit?

Did anyone else on the planet open up their iTunes this past weekend and purchase Madonna's Bond song Die Another Day, Amy Adams singing That's How You Know from Disney's Enchanted and the Barbara Mandrell classic I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool? I highly friggin' doubt it.

And if you did, call me. I'm single, have plenty of oral experience and I'm willing to relocate.

But yesterday, I think I may have found a little piece of history that explains how one man can be a gay, white trash, musical theatre loving Trekkie with a serious Robin the Boy Wonder fetish.

My friend Michael Pacas emailed this clip to me yesterday and I haven't quite been the same since.

This is Minnie Pearl introducing Dean Jones and Ricardo Montalban singing Rhythm of Life from the musical Sweet Charity without the benefit of Bob Fosse choreography and surrounded by what looks to me like the chorus My Fair Lady on the set of Chess. I shit you not.

This is bizarre, fabulous, retina-burning, jaw-dropping, "What the fuck were they thinking?" tv camp and I love it. It's 100% me.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

TMI Tuesday

A Hooch-Filled TMI Tuesday. Hooch, not hoochie. Alcohol, not Mariah Carey.

1. In the midst of a hangover have you ever promised to "never drink again?" How long until you broke that vow?

I never really get "that drunk." Occasionally, I have too much tequila from too many banana margaritas and I regret it on the walk home, but I have a relatively easy time not getting so drunk that I swear to never drink again the next morning.

You see, once your father has stumbled naked and drunken into the living room in front of you and your best friend when you're 14 years old - - incoherently talking in his own alcohol-inspired language that sounds like Captain Caveman with a mouth full of vomit - - you decide early on that you're not going to be "that guy."

And you're not going to date "that guy" either. Just sayin'...

2. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done while drinking (or not if it is really stupid) but thought it seemed like a good idea at the time?

Fell asleep at a Caribou Coffee while a friend read me Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus.

Seriously. That's about it. I'm friggin' off the hook, aren't I? You shoulda seen me New Years...

3. On a scale of 1-10, where do you rate green beer?

Why don't you just lance a boil off of some random guy's neck and be done with it.

4. Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn't have (drunk or sober)?

Yes I have, and the thing is, when you're not blotto, the action of kissing your boss' boyfriend or your boyfriend's father or your father's boyfriend's boss is just enough of a shock to your system ("Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!") to help you stop the insanity and walk away without totally ruining what's left of your reputation.

But when you're hammered, that same shock to your system is misinterpreted ("Hey, Will Robinson! Dr. Smith is TOTALLY hot for you!") and you end sleeping with your boss' boyfriend, or your boyfriend's father, or the creepy, fey scientist you're lost in space with.

(That's some slash fiction I've never seen. And REALLY don't want to see for infinite reasons.)

5. What is the stupidest thing you have ever seen a drunk do (besides driving a car)?

See "My Father" under Question #1

Bonus (as in optional): How do you cure your hangover(s)?

I suggest going to Caribou Coffee and having a friend read Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus to you till you fall asleep.

But hey, that's just me.

Mr. Off the Hook!