Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I Didn't Recognize You With Your Clothes On

Danny Bernardo - - the Aladdin to my Genie, the Ginger to my MaryAnn, the Shirley to my Laverne - - loaned me his copy of Armistead Maupin's latest Tales of the City novel, Michael Tolliver Lives, and I've been hooked since page one.

I fell in love with this passage. For obvious reasons. And because of its absolute truth.

Michael runs into an old trick on the street who he can't remember at first. After Mr. Trick gives him a few clues, Michael explains...

"What I remembered - ALL I remembered after nineteen years - was his dick. I remembered how its less-than-average length was made irrelevant by its girth. It was one of the thickest I'd ever seen, with a head that flared like a caveman's club. Remembering HIM was a great deal harder. Nineteen years is too long to remember a face."

Reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Tennessee Williams' Sweet Bird of Youth.

The Princess Kosmonopolis doesn't remember Chance Wayne until he starts to give her a massage, prompting her to say...
"I don't recall your face, but your hands are familiar"

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

TMI Tuesday

A "better late than Thursday" TMI Tuesday.

1. Early bird or night owl?

Night owl. Definitely a night owl.

Speaking of Nite Owls, is there any chance that Patrick Wilson might be naked in the upcoming Watchmen movie?

I remember a scene in the graphic novel where Nite Owl strips off his clothes before making love to the Silk Spectre. Hope that scene is directed by Chi Chi LaRue in the film version.

And if you're wondering, this IS what it's come to - - looking at sex scenes in comic books and hoping that hot actors will be in the film version of those sex scenes so I might possibly see .032 seconds of "wee wee." Don't judge.

2. Where was the first place you ever had sex?

On a bed in the Hyatt Regency with the first boy I ever kissed.

I started out having sex at the Hyatt, moved to hour-long "hit it 'n get it" sessions at the Motel 6 and wound up looking through a devil mask as Elaine Stritch blew me in a piano bar bathroom.

There's a memoir in there somewhere.

Or a one-man show. With me in a white, button-down shirt and tights.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)

I'd say I'm a 7. I'm happy. I would love to find a man to share my life with, but until then, I'm blessed to have my health, a roof over my head, a good job, venues to express myself artistically and a tremendous amount of caring, loving friends.

Best of all, both of my parents and my brother are included in that list of friends. When you and your family work at and choose to become friends, happiness comes easily.

4. Are you more submissive or dominant?

Submissive. Definitely submissive.

Come on. You saw that picture of me in The Slut Meme. I'm flagging right. You don't need flashcards, folks.

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not only do I believe in it, I look forward to it.

Bonus (as in optional): Describe your bed time habits. What side do you sleep on? What do you usual wear? Any night time rituals?

Habits? I fall asleep on the couch watching tv and then move my half-asleep ass to the bed. I sometimes forget to take out my contact lenses, so that when I wake up, they've become fossils in my eyes, but that's about as thrilling as it gets.

Which side? Usually the left side, but I'm versatile. When need be.

What do I wear? As little as possible. If I get a late-night booty call, I don't want to be fumbling with impossible tasks like "buttons." Again, "hit it 'n get it."

Rituals? None really. Sometimes I stay up to see who the Mystery Guest is on What's My Line on GSN, but that's about it.

That's my life: late-night booty calls and Arlene Francis in a bedazzled blindfold.

Combine that and a bottle of poppers and it's a friggin' Mart Crowley play.

Monday, April 28, 2008

"I Hope You're Laughing"

Bob at Little Voice just posted this wonderful item from Liz Smith's NY Post column concerning Patti LuPone's performance in the current Broadway revival of Gypsy...
"IN HIS review of 'Gypsy' on Broadway, the Times critic Ben Brantley noted that the star Patti LuPone had gotten her role down so brilliantly that 'she had made me eat my hat.' Previously, he'd given her a lukewarm review.

"Indeed, after he saw Patti blow the audience away at the St. James Theatre, Brantley gave her the rave she deserved. The next day she sent him a chocolate cowboy hat in a deluxe hat box, with the note, 'I hope you're laughing.'"

The title of Bob's post says it best...

"Only LuPone."



The beautiful Raven over at Goldfish Memory just posted these new DARK KNIGHT posters and I had to pass them on...

As Raven said, "July is too far away!!" Maybe Iron Man this Thursday at midnight will tide me over.

Good Morning

It's been awhile since I posted a Good Morning pic, and this boy piqued my interest. So to speak...

He looks more drugged than alseep. But... you know... whatever works...

My New Favorite Caption Contest #20

I stopped doing My New Favorite Caption Contest sometime last Fall. I was trying to do one a week and my life became a little too busy to juggle all that I had on my plate, so I stopped posting the fun pics in need of captions.

I've been wanting to bring it back and when I saw this pic over at Tina's guns, guys and yaoi, I knew this was the perfect picture in need of a caption. Especially since I'm working on a Disney show right now...

Deadline for possible captions is this Friday, May 2nd at noon (CST).

Who knew Donald was such a dick?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Kelli O'Hara

This past Friday, I had lunch with one of my board members at Petterino's, the restaurant attached to the Goodman Theatre.

Since it opened, it's tried to be the Sardi's of the new Chicago theatre district.

Or as my board member said when I noticed other Chicago directors, including the artistic director of the Goodman Theatre, sitting around the restaurant...
"It's where the elite meet."

This, of course, prompted me to go into my best Bette Davis impersonation. I didn't go so far as to grab a celery stick, look at a theatre reviewer across the room and chomp on it as I stared at him, but almost.

As my board member and I talked, he mentioned the latest revival of South Pacific at Lincoln Center Theater, and an actress with whom we both had worked, Kelli O'Hara.

I had the privilege of working with Kelli at the Goodman Theatre in the pre-Broadway production of The Light in the Piazza. Sure, I moved tables and sat as the "Flower Vendor" with my ass facing the Goodman audience for the better part of 20 minutes and Kelli played Franca here before stepping into the role of Clara (and landing a Tony nomination) on Broadway, but Kelli treated me, and everyone, as if we were equals.

There were many others in that cast who made those of us in the Chicago ensemble feel right at home - - the first person to introduce herself to me on my first day of rehearsal was the incomparable Patti Cohenour, and before almost every performance, Victoria Clark would come up to me and thank me for my performance, saying that she knew I was more talented than what I was doing and that she appreciated my dedication and commitment - - but Kelli was a fellow Southerner who never once played the Diva.

And if you've ever seen Ms. O'Hara on stage or heard her sing, you know that she could be a Diva and you wouldn't care because of her intense talent and her glorious voice.

But it wouldn't even occur to Kelli to be a Diva. She is the best example of the truism that talented people - - truly talented people - - don't have to prove it. They simply ARE talented and they create an environment in the rehearsal room that inspires you to create at your highest level.

That's Kelli. Chris Jones' review of her work in South Pacific proves once again that she is one of the brightest stars on Broadway.

I love it when good things happen to great people.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Me and the Jonas Brothers

I'm off to my tech for Aladdin. Wish me luck. Flying carpets are a bitch to work with.

While I'm gone, check out this Jonas Brothers version of another Disney movie favorite (and also one of the songs I'm singing tomorrow night at the Theo Ubique benefit) "Poor Unfortunate Souls."

Me and the Jonas Brothers. We have so much in common.

Well... all four of us have penises. I guess that's about it...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Fratboy Friday

A late-in-the-day edition of Fratboy Friday.


Look at that grin.
Apparently, happiness is wearing a lavender thong under your football pants



Very hot. The gold chain is a bit much.
But if it makes him happy and keeps his shirt off, I'm okay with it.



'Atta girl. Assume the position.



So near and yet, so far.

"It's All Part of the Plan"

Want a little, kick-ass Bat-Surprise to start off your weekend?

Click on the image to the right of The Joker's handiwork at re-envisioning our nation's Presidents to take you to a full web page of that image.

Notice that The Joker didn't have to make George W. into an absurd yet scary clown since... you know... Dubya looks like that all on his own.

Once you're at the site, click on the knife. I think you'll enjoy it.

Especially if you like Newsie boy Bale in a Bat-Suit.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

My brother Jeff is going to have several stars in his crown in Heaven.

Primarily because he is an incredible social worker who spends his days working with children who have been abused or who are mentally challenged.

The stars in that Heavenly crown also will be his because the stories he tells from working with these kids are at time friggin' hilarious.

He just told me that Evander Holyfield spoke at his school this week and one of Jeff's students raised his hand and asked Mr. Holyfield...
"Do you wipe your ass with money?"

Luckily, Mr. Holyfield would neither confirm nor deny that claim and Jeff spent the better part of the afternoon trying to explain to this inquisitive student why that was not an appropriate question.

Put that in your Kids Say the Darnedest Things and smoke it.

In the Fantasy/SciFi World, I'm Pretty Friggin' Hot!

Aaron over at Go Away I'm Reading took this "Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?" quiz and was told he is the beautiful Galadriel, the Lady of Light.

Normally, I would be extremely jealous of a royal Elf...

...Did you see those Lord of the Rings movies? Those scenes with elves, where EVERYONE on the screen is hot, blonde, has zero body fat and check bones so high they look like buttresses. After a few minutes of overwhelming elven beauty, I was shouting, "Can we cut to the orcs for God's sake?!?"...

...but look at which Fantasy/SciFi Character I am...
Which Fantasy/<span class=

The description in the quiz reads...

"Putting your appointed path ahead of any inner conflicts, you make your own rules for the benefit of all. 'If my life or death I can protect you, I will.'"

Yep, that is SO me. If I had hair. And a good beard. And a lot of leather.

Well, I have a lot of leather...

But the chain mail...

Yeah, I have that too.

But y'all, check out the sword I carry.

Do you think that's symbolic of what lies beneath?

Or am I overcompensating?

Actually, that's just a dagger, but when it's rubbed the right way...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

A Full Plate

You know that amusement park saying, "Scream if you want to go faster!"

What should I do if I want to slow the fuck down?!?

I am currently extremely busy at Season of Concern every week day and rehearsing almost every night.

Coming up this weekend, we start technical rehearsals, and I'm performing both Saturday night and Sunday night.

At two different benefits.

Saturday night, I'm performing and leading the live auction for Emerald City Theatre's Annual Oz Ball. Yep, as the Genie.

I wonder if I can parlay this Genie gig into a job at Blue Man Group.

Toilet paper Thrower. Marshmallow Mouth Stuffer. Camera Down a Throat Guy. Something...

Sunday's event is going to be a blast.

I'm singing at the Taurus Speakeasy, a benefit for Theo Ubique Theatre Company at the No Exit Cafe alongside Bethany Thomas, Danielle Brothers, Missy Young, Dana Tretta, Jeremy Trager and my good friend Rus Rainear.

Joshua Stephen Kartes is providing the accompaniment and don't spread it around, but Carol Channing will be in attendance. In fact, I'm doing a duet with Ms. Channing.

No, this does not make me Pearl Bailey.

It's $10 at the door and $10 for unlimited beer, so come and support a great cause.

And drink. A lot.

My performance of Ursula the Sea Witch's "Poor Unfortunate Souls" is MUCH more entertaining when you're too drunk to conjugate.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

"Well, It's Official. I'm Going to Hell."

If you're not watching Desperate Housewives...

A) You should start, even if you left the show in the 2nd season, because it just gets better and better...

B) You should know that nearly all of the episodes are named after the titles of Sondheim songs. For instance, this last Sunday's episode was entitled, In Buddy's Eyes, one of Sally's songs in Sondheim's Follies...

C) You should realize that Eva Longoria is not just one of the sexiest women alive, she's also one of the funniest.

Here's Eva as Gabrielle Solis parked in a handicapped space, which she feels she can park in because her husband, Carlos, is now blind. Even though Carlos isn't in the car with her.

"Oh, don't play victim with me!
I have to walk in heels all day long! You get to sit in a chair and roll!"

Will someone just give her an Emmy for God's sake?!? The woman is brilliant!

TMI Tuesday

Another great round of questions on TMI Tuesday.

1. Pancakes or waffles? With or without toppings?

I'm gonna go with waffles and as far as toppings go, this is one of those instances when less is NOT more.

With waffles and sex with strangers, MORE is more.

And just when you think I've had enough, keep it coming. Pun intended.

2. They say, "Way to a man's heart is through his stomach." What is the way to your heart?

Make me laugh. Really laugh. Out loud. So that other people stare. Then, you've got me.

3. Have you ever gone to a topless/clothing optional beach? If yes, did you participate?

Clothing optional beach? No

Clothing optional gay guest house or resort? Hell to the yeah!

Did I participate? Baby, I led the naked conga. One, two, three, KICK! One, two, three, KICK!

4. What song reminds you of a previous relationship (for good or bad)?

The last time I dated a woman (she's now a lesbian, so everything turned out right with the world), I was 16 years old and our song was Peter Cetera's The Glory of Love.

Don't judge. It was the 80's. And I had hair. Big hair.

Things were different then.

5. When, where and with who was your best kiss ever?

I was 17, I was in the Hyatt Regency in Knoxville and I was with another 17 year old boy from Memphis. The first boy I ever kissed.

He was a smoker, which is why I am the nicest non-smoker a smoker will ever meet.

The taste of tobacco when I kiss a man brings me back to that first and best kiss. And sends me right over the edge.

Bonus (as in optional): Does anyone not currently in a relationship with you have pictures or you or your body part(s) that you would prefer that other people not see?

I wish you could see my reaction right now. Because I'm laughing.

Do people I'm not in a relationship with have pictures of me naked? Hell, there are people I've never MET who have pictures of me naked?

And if I preferred for other people not to see them, I wouldn't have taken then, sent them out and posted them all over the internet.

To quote Dolly Parton in 9 to 5, "You've got a nice package, you might as well show it off!"

Monday, April 21, 2008

A Text Message from my Mom

My mother has learned how to text message.

I might have considered this a sign of the apocalypse, but there is nothing but absolute beauty in what she texted to me today.

This is the message I received from her...
"You are the wind beneath my wings.

"You keep me going.

"Love, Mom x o"

If there is anything more beautiful than that, I don't quite know what it is.


I see these pictures from time to time on other peoples' blogs.

I love them. I love them so hard.
It's the French bakery Daunat doing a clever send up of the Dieux du Stade calendars with their own calendar. With French rugby players. And sandwiches.

As you can see, it's a match made in Heaven.

This last one is my favorite.
If that won't convince gay men to start eating carbs again, nothing will.

LiLo, LiLo, LiLo...

This picture of actress (and the use of that word to describe this person is debatable) Lindsay Lohan was taken this past Saturday, April 19th in New York City.

Far be it from me to be bitchy and drawn in to celebrity culture...

And you know I'd rather walk on my lips than talk about somebody...


Is it me or does 21 year old Lindsay look like a 46 year old, used up, coke whore with a bad dye job?

I sincerely hope there are no more Herbie movies in her future.

Come on, who would you rather see behind the wheel of The Love Bug? LiLo at 21 or Dean Jones at 77?

Yep, Dean Jones, baby. All the way.

On a Quest in Central Park. Literally.

This is CNN Anchor and International Reporter Richard Quest.

I wouldn't recognize him even if he was sitting on my face.

Then again, the two of us being in that position might do the trick.

Pardon the pun.

Regardless, Mr. Quest's CNN bio states that he is "one of the most instantly recognizable members of the CNN team."

Until this past weekend, I'm sure Mr. Quest thought that being "instantly recognizable" was a good thing. Not so much

You see, Richard Quest was picked up by police in New York's Central Park at 3:40 a.m. this past weekend with, according to the New York Post...
"with some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot, law-enforcement sources said.

"The criminal complaint against Quest said the park was closed at
the time - something Quest should have known because of all the signs saying 'Park Closed 1 a.m. to 6 a.m.'

"Quest was initially busted for loitering, the source said. Aside from the oddly configured rope, the search also turned up a sex toy inside of his boot, and a small bag of methamphetamine in his left jacket pocket.

"It wasn't immediately clear what the rope was for."
I'm sorry, the New York Post doesn't understand what the rope, with one end tied around his neck and the other end tied around his cock and balls, was for?!? Girls...

Remind me to never hook up with the lame-assed, vanilla fags over at the New York Post.

I kind of enjoy this story. For once, it's not some deep in the closet, "claiming to be straight" married man or pop star who is found fucking around in public. It's one of us. An out gay man who occasionally gets his kink on, enjoys a little public sex with a stranger because the risk enhances the thrill, and unfortunately didn't duck behind the bushes fast enough when the PoPo came a-callin'.

In a world where gay men are going from double-headed dildos to double strollers, it's nice to know there are still a few us fags out there who like a little sleaze with our sleaze.

It shows the world that we are not all Will Trumans who only kiss, but never bed, our boyfriends. We're not all Queer Eyes who simply look fabulous and can turn your living room into a showplace with the toss of a throw pillow.

We are men. With dicks. And we use them. And we're not going to become eunuchs just to make straight people comfortable.

Wow. I'm not quite sure where that came from. I guess I get so frustrated at gay life changing, but not changing. At gay men changing, but not changing. The look and outfit of the gay clone may change every few years, but he's still a clone. Maybe my love of our decadence is one of the things keeping us tied to that clone image. Maybe not.

Either way, it's funny that the story about Mr. Quest changes from news agency to news agency, for various reasons.

For example, Reuters reports on the drugs found on Mr. Quest, but not on the genital rope arrangement, nor the sex toy found in his boot.

Drugs? "Sure we can print that." Kinky rope sex and butt plugs? "No way!! This is a family news agency!!!"

My favorite change in the story comes from The New Zealand Herald, which reports on the drugs, the rope and the sex toy. But when they read the New York Post article that the sex toy was found in Mr. Quest's boot, they pass on to their readers that the sex toy was found in THE boot. Of his car.

English. Such a fun language, ain't it?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

420... with Bea!

Ah, 420. I love a little Mary Jane from time to time. (Do the kids still call it that?)

Except every time I smoke a little, I end up eating everything (everything, not everyone) in the room, which is bad for a person with hips the size of mine.

It also sucks that just one puff on a joint and I sound like Bea Arthur for the next two days. And not just Bea Arthur, but Bea Arthur after she's smoke a joint. And fucked Harvey Fierstein. With her tongue. It ain't pretty.

Speaking of Miss Bea, here she is with Rock Hudson singing one of my favorite tunes. It's from the musical I Love My Wife and it's perfect for today as we celebrate all thing cannabis. "Here's Everybody Today is Turning On."

Saturday, April 19, 2008

The Riddler & Superman Give It To Batman & Robin, Respectively

I'm a lucky man.

I have so many friends feeding my rather perverted comic book fetish.

To say that the pictures my friends send to me make me happy would be an understatement.

Who wouldn't love this pic that Doug from I Get That a Lot sent me yesterday?

I'm picturing me in my Riddler costume feeling Christian Bale's ass. Nice. Very nice.

And nothing pushes my Robin fetish over the edge quite like this pic sent to me by Shriley Heezgay.

So Superman is blonde.

And wearing Superboy's old leather jacket.

Robin's wearing a harness over his tunic.

And I never knew that, under his green briefs, the Boy Wonder wears a black swimmer jockstrap.

I learned something new. Now, I can incorporate that into my "Robin Gets Tag Teamed by the Challengers of the Unknown" sex fantasy role play.

The next session is going to be good!

Thanks for the pics, guys. I love them!

Dr. Cornell West

Last night, Dr. Cornell West, a Professor at Princeton University, was one of the panelists on Real Time with Bill Maher and said...

"We've got corporate greed running amok, we don't have enough jobs with a living wage for fellow citizens, unavailable heathcare and childcare for millions, disgraceful school systems, failing infrastructure, and then you have a political sphere where you can't have a critical debate or dialogue about these issues. And then we've got imperial occupation in Iraq.

"Now, that's the makings of the collapse of an empire."

Incredibly and tragically true.

Follow Dr. West's posts on the Huffington Post. I know I will from now on.

Friday, April 18, 2008

You Did What? With Who? In Your Limo? Oh Girl, Please...

I just saw the clip below on one of my new favorite blogs, So I Like Superman.

Any blog that describes its contents as, "Comic books, sketch comedy, and gay sex. Or, as I like to call it, the holy trinity," basically had me at "Hello." And by "had me," I should add the phrase "on my knees."

I didn't know that this clip or this man existed. Do you know about Larry Sinclair? Also known as "The Freak Who Claims He Blew and Did Blow with Obama."

Apparently, this scandal was finished before I even heard of it, but I seriously doubt that anyone took his claim seriously.

Then again, the U.S. condones torture, the President lied so that he himself could declare war and people actually believe that Tom Cruise is straight, so these days anything is possible.

Watch the clip and be amazed that Mr. Sinclair can swim in so much bullshit and still manage to talk.

Maybe, just maybe, someone MIGHT possibly have considered entertaining the thought that Mr. Sinclair was telling the truth, but we didn't really need a polygraph test to know that Larry's chicken was not cookin' in Crisco when he says this in the video...
"After having a few drinks, Obama and I left in my limo..."

Your "limo?" You're making a video in a 5th rate Motel Six and you mention your "limo." Nice.

I'm going to add that one to "The check is in the mail," and "I won't cum in your mouth," and "My cock is much larger than it seems when you touch it or look at it." Oy...

Thanks to Michael at So I Like Superman for the vid of Mr. Sinclair and for this hysterical parody video of Larry created by Michael's sketch comedy troupe, Secret Hospital.

Fratboy Friday

An "earthquake that I didn't feel at all" version of Fratboy Friday.

Sure, you're selling BBQ. Naked. On the street.
Sure you are, sweetie.
Whatever let's you sleep at night.



Look, either whip it out or pull 'em up.
Or I'll show you the penalty for cock teasing a Southern boy.
Have you ever seen Deliverance?



Pretending to be asleep while you expose your ass and mumble,
"Now serving number 187" does not qualify as playing "Hard to Get."

I speak from experience on this.



He's not really gay. He was just joking around and happens to have no gag reflex.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Rupert Grint Nails It (Not Me But It, Unfortunately)

I've never gotten into the Harry Potter books or movies...

...see, there are a few geeky things that I don't completely spaz over... not many, but a few...

...but I do have a thing for redheads. It's the whole "burning bush / fire crotch" thing. Just looking at it makes me moist as a snack cake down there.

But even if he wasn't a star of the Potter films and even if he wasn't a redhead (perish the thought), I would be in love with Rupert Grint for the following quote about Ms. Lohan...
"I met Lindsay last summer and she talked about herself a lot. She said she was going to win an Oscar before she turns 25. I just kept thinking, 'But you can’t act'."

Preach, Rupert, preach!!

Oh and Mr. Grint. I'm single. Just sayin'...

My Brother Jeff's New Groove

My brother Jeff (who now reads this blog and will either be amused or slightly pissed after he reads this) took at trip to Mexico with roommate last weekend.

Jeff, you'll remember, is also gay. And no, his roommate isn't a "euphemism roommate," he's just a "roommate roommate."

Now unlike yours truly, Jeff doesn't talk much about his sex life, so when he called me to tell me he was back in Atlanta and that he had a great trip, my first question was, of course...
"Did you get laid?"

Jeff coyly and brilliantly replied...

"Let's just say, Stella got her groove back."

I could learn something from Jeff's response. Little Billy Shakespeare was right...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Onion & Iron Man: 'Nuff Said

There is so much hype surrounding all of this summer's hoped-to-be-incredible event movies.

I'm probably more guilty than most at deifying these films, primarily because 98% of these films are being made for people exactly like me.

We are living in the Age of the Fanboy Geek.

Superhero movies (if done well) make major corporations a LOT of money, which means that the same guy who might have snickered at me a few years ago as I sat on the bus reading a comic book is now courting me as if I were a high priced hooker at the Emperors Club.

So, I get a little over excited about a kick ass Batman movie trailer from time to time.

It happens to the best of us.

This video from The Onion shows me just how ridiculous I've almost become...

Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film