Monday, April 21, 2008

On a Quest in Central Park. Literally.

This is CNN Anchor and International Reporter Richard Quest.

I wouldn't recognize him even if he was sitting on my face.

Then again, the two of us being in that position might do the trick.

Pardon the pun.

Regardless, Mr. Quest's CNN bio states that he is "one of the most instantly recognizable members of the CNN team."

Until this past weekend, I'm sure Mr. Quest thought that being "instantly recognizable" was a good thing. Not so much

You see, Richard Quest was picked up by police in New York's Central Park at 3:40 a.m. this past weekend with, according to the New York Post...
"with some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot, law-enforcement sources said.

"The criminal complaint against Quest said the park was closed at
the time - something Quest should have known because of all the signs saying 'Park Closed 1 a.m. to 6 a.m.'

"Quest was initially busted for loitering, the source said. Aside from the oddly configured rope, the search also turned up a sex toy inside of his boot, and a small bag of methamphetamine in his left jacket pocket.

"It wasn't immediately clear what the rope was for."
I'm sorry, the New York Post doesn't understand what the rope, with one end tied around his neck and the other end tied around his cock and balls, was for?!? Girls...

Remind me to never hook up with the lame-assed, vanilla fags over at the New York Post.

I kind of enjoy this story. For once, it's not some deep in the closet, "claiming to be straight" married man or pop star who is found fucking around in public. It's one of us. An out gay man who occasionally gets his kink on, enjoys a little public sex with a stranger because the risk enhances the thrill, and unfortunately didn't duck behind the bushes fast enough when the PoPo came a-callin'.

In a world where gay men are going from double-headed dildos to double strollers, it's nice to know there are still a few us fags out there who like a little sleaze with our sleaze.

It shows the world that we are not all Will Trumans who only kiss, but never bed, our boyfriends. We're not all Queer Eyes who simply look fabulous and can turn your living room into a showplace with the toss of a throw pillow.

We are men. With dicks. And we use them. And we're not going to become eunuchs just to make straight people comfortable.

Wow. I'm not quite sure where that came from. I guess I get so frustrated at gay life changing, but not changing. At gay men changing, but not changing. The look and outfit of the gay clone may change every few years, but he's still a clone. Maybe my love of our decadence is one of the things keeping us tied to that clone image. Maybe not.

Either way, it's funny that the story about Mr. Quest changes from news agency to news agency, for various reasons.

For example, Reuters reports on the drugs found on Mr. Quest, but not on the genital rope arrangement, nor the sex toy found in his boot.

Drugs? "Sure we can print that." Kinky rope sex and butt plugs? "No way!! This is a family news agency!!!"

My favorite change in the story comes from The New Zealand Herald, which reports on the drugs, the rope and the sex toy. But when they read the New York Post article that the sex toy was found in Mr. Quest's boot, they pass on to their readers that the sex toy was found in THE boot. Of his car.

English. Such a fun language, ain't it?


Anonymous said...

What bothered me about this article [the rope thing made me smile--I'll be honest]; was that they found meth in his pocket. :/

I'm still one of those dorks who thinks drugs is wrong, and so when I hear about people [I honestly couldn't care less if they're gay or straight.] getting busted with them, I can't help but feel disappointed

philip said...

I'll fess.

The rope belongs to me, and I did NOT give that peon permission to leave the house wearing it. As soon as he is released from custody, he shall be severely punish at home.

I'm still surprised none of the news agency mentioned "Property of Master Philip" tattooed on his ass. So much for truth in journalism. ..

philip said...

Sorry to chim in here one more time, but. . .
his name is DICK QUEST.

You guys, DICK QUEST.

They're not even making us WORK for the punchlines anymore. What next? young boy arrested for screwing his history teacher is named Johnny Humperfaster?

I mean, we thought we had it easy with DICK and BUSH in the whitehouse. Now they're just giving out funny names for free. At this rate, we'll have a Mike Rotch in office before long. With a Vice President Oliver Closoff and Secretary of State Ms. Iman Mann-Hunt.

Seriously. Dick. . . .Quest. Your honor, the defense rests.

Aaron said...

I'm afraid we can only expect the "clonification" of gay men to continue as what passes for "culture" in the gay mainstream (an oxymoron) continues to be more and more shrill and less and less substantive.

And let's not talk about the fashion. Lordy Jesus.

A hermit's lifestyle is looking better and better.

Stan said...

I'm no stranger to NYC's Central Park and it has been a while since I went cruising there through the brambles (also known back then as Vaseline alley! :O) But back then the cops coming around to bust us was the furthermost thing from our minds. Oh how the times have changed.

whimsical brainpan said...

Those Kiwis are clever ones!

cb said...

I was confused about the "sex toy in his boot" comment.

At first, I thought they were just being coy and the toy was up his ass.

Then I thought-- Oh, maybe he was wearing combat boots or something...

Project Christopher said...

First: Philip, I LOVE YOU! both of your comments (especially DICK QUEST) made me laugh so loud coworkers asked what was going on!

Second: New Zealand was partially right. the toy had been in THE boot (his boot), just not the right time.

I'm curious though... if the sex toy was found in his boot, and I'm assuming it was while his foot was in it, that it couldn't be very big. What WAS the toy? if it was a dildo and it fit in his boot while he was wearing it, I can only say..