1. Did you have to pay or did you get money back?
Neither. The word for the day is "Extension."
For my taxes, not my penis.
My father is a CPA and I've always found it a little easier to have him prepare my taxes after the storm of April 15th has passed. And after he's had some scotch. Some large bottles of scotch.
As for my penis, I already have a good one, thank you very much.
A longer one would be nice, but too much of a good thing just might hurt a few of the regular boys.
They'd probably enjoy that, but still...
2. What was your biggest financial mistake?
Living in the now with my money.
That was, is and will continue to be my biggest financial mistake. I suck at financial planning. It's like one of my father's jokes..
"How can my bank account be overdrawn? I still have checks!!!"
I'm not quite that bad. Almost, but not quite.
3. Are you a screamer?
Ask the woman who lives in the apartment above me.
I'm sure it's hard to fall asleep when the homo below you is moaning like a drunken Paul Lynde after the poppers have kicked in and begging "MisterFister77" (his Manhunt ID, not his real name) to..
"Drive me home with that Cadillac, Daddy man!"
Yeah, I'm a screamer.
I see it as my not-so-gentle way to let you know that you've turned the faucet in the right direction.
4. What part of your body, other than your genitals, do you love to have touched? What part of a partner's body, other than their genitals, do you love to touch?
I have to say my back. Not in a sexual way, though.
I've always loved when someone would gently run their fingers up and down my back. In elementary school, we would would sit on the floor when we watched in-school movies and scratch the back of the person in front of us.
If you were in the front row, you got to enjoy the movie while having your back scratched and since no one was in front of you, you had nothing else to do. It was the best.
It sucked if you were in the back row. You were the farthest away from the tv screen, so you couldn't see the movie very well, and on top of that, you were scratching someone's back and didn't get a damn thing in return.
For a long time, I believed that the afterlife was basically an eternal "movie day" in elementary school. And you were seated according to how you had lived your life.
Mother Teresa? Front row. Most everyone else? Somewhere in the middle.
Presidents who lie to a nation about weapons of mass destruction to start a war that topples said nation's economy? The back row. Sitting on tacks. Behind a man with incessant "Taco Bell" flatulence.
5. What commercial catch phrase best describes your life?
"Where's the beef?"
Until I find my Mr. Right. And then with my luck, the commercial catch phrase that will best describe my married life will be...
"Where's the beef?"
Bonus (as in optional): What was the last thing you took without permission? What was the last thing taken from you without your permission?
The last thing I took without permission? A cockring.
The last thing taken from me without permission? A cockring.
I call that Queer Karma.