I stopped. I thought I was hallucinating.
I haven't been back home to Tennessee since Christmas, so I figured it was my body aching for a cold beverage with three parts sugar to every one part water.
But after my shave, I walked into my living room, TiVo'ed back to the commercial and there it was...
In Chicago. McDonald's. Sweet Tea. For a buck.
I started to cry. Out of sheer happiness. And then I felt sad for all the Yankees who willingly and blithely allowed Southerners to fire the opening salvo announcing our first attack to take back what was taken away from us in The War of Northern Aggression.
No, we don't want a renewal of slavery. We just want the re-introduction hoop skirts, cotillions, the phrase "Fiddle-dee-dee, " and the acknowledgment that we are not all stupid, toothless, shoeless morons who eat possums and swim in the "cement pond."
For too long, you've relegated us to Hee Haw, looked down your nose at Waffle House food, and placed bales of hay on stage beside us when we've entertained you. But no more.
Now, the House Wine of the South is being sold nationwide in fast food restaurants.
And just like you all found out when you took your first bite of a Krispy Kreme doughnut right after the "Hot Doughnuts Now" sign was turned on, you'll realize that we are right.
About everything. Especially if it involves sugar.