Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The House Wine of the South

As I was getting ready for work yesterday, I had the tv on in the next room and while I was shaving, I heard a McDonald's commercial. Then, I heard two words...
"Sweet Tea"

I stopped. I thought I was hallucinating.

I haven't been back home to Tennessee since Christmas, so I figured it was my body aching for a cold beverage with three parts sugar to every one part water.

But after my shave, I walked into my living room, TiVo'ed back to the commercial and there it was...

In Chicago. McDonald's. Sweet Tea. For a buck.

I started to cry. Out of sheer happiness. And then I felt sad for all the Yankees who willingly and blithely allowed Southerners to fire the opening salvo announcing our first attack to take back what was taken away from us in The War of Northern Aggression.

No, we don't want a renewal of slavery. We just want the re-introduction hoop skirts, cotillions, the phrase "Fiddle-dee-dee, " and the acknowledgment that we are not all stupid, toothless, shoeless morons who eat possums and swim in the "cement pond."

For too long, you've relegated us to Hee Haw, looked down your nose at Waffle House food, and placed bales of hay on stage beside us when we've entertained you. But no more.

Now, the House Wine of the South is being sold nationwide in fast food restaurants.

And just like you all found out when you took your first bite of a Krispy Kreme doughnut right after the "Hot Doughnuts Now" sign was turned on, you'll realize that we are right.

About everything. Especially if it involves sugar.

28 comments:

Polt said...

We've had McDonald's sweet tea here in PA for over a year. I personally hate the stuff, but practially everyone else I know loves it.

Enjoy, Stephen, you Southern throwback you, enjoy!

Maybe you ought to change your name to Rhett?

HUGS...

Anatomicsd said...

Why does the phrase Tongue in Cheekk come to mind?

And possum isn't too bad if you barbecue it.

Project Christopher said...

HALLELUJAH!!!!

SING IT SISTER!

And the northerners will act like it's the best thing since sliced bread and they had everything to do with it.

I so miss my cotilions. But that was the wrong "coming out" event!

Aaron said...

Actually, when I lived in the South, I found the people there to be just like the people in my small Northern-aggressive hometown. :-) Except friendlier. And the guys were HAWT, too! ALL of 'em, even the town crazies. (The town I lived in was small, so these crazies were pointed out to me early on.)

I was only there for a little over a year and every so often, I still miss it...

And did I mention the MEN? *Sigh*

Yes, the sweet tea was yummy! (I was the only one who ever wore the hoopskirts, though--you might wanna rethink that one...) :-)

Master Aaron said...

I'm so happy for you! In order to be smaller than Pennsylvania, I will have to continue to do without "the sweet." But this is American, and I'm glad to know it's there. The day may dawn when I decide that I'd look damn cute as my own state, and then all bets are off, and I'll eat the fried bread too and...someone help me...

eric McCool said...

Call me a tea snob but I have yet to muster up the courage to taste McD's version....Coca-Cola is for McDonald's, Sweet Tea is made by hand in MY house...*grin*

and trust me, I can tell Luzianne from Lipton!

Anonymous said...

Lordy , Steven , why are you not 100lbs over weight you skinny little cutie pie !!

Michael said...

Stephen.
HEE HAW was terrifying.
Just thinking about it now makes me shake a little.
I mean, COME ON - Junior Samples!?!?
SOMEBODY needs to be bitch slapped for that alone.
....and painful flashback over.

Mark in DE said...

Like Polt, the McDonald's in the Washington DC area and southern Delaware have had sweet tea for a few years. I don't drink it though. I'm a diet Pepsi/diet Coke boy.

Mark :-)

philip said...

Overheard at the Waffle House. I shit you not. From the toothless yokel to the lovely waitress:
"Sugar, you're to sweet to be working at the Waffle House. You should get you a respectable job at someplace nice like Hooters."

My lips to gods ears, that's a true story.

Don't know what that has to do with anything, but thought I'd share anyway.

Lance Noe said...

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Polt said...

Phillip....cute, adorable, talented, witty, AND now funny...

*SIGH*....oh, to be in Chicago.... :)

HUGS...

Doug said...

I don't like tea of any kind.

But I'm over the moon because of the things that make Stephen happy.

Now, we need a Waffle House in Bloomingdale, IL. IHOP-- blecccch!

yinyang said...

Waffle House is awesome. My aunt dragged my grandfather out of bed at around 3 AM to take us all to Waffle House when we got to Arizona over Spring Break. It was delicious.

RAD Homo said...

Mickey D's is on a major marketing campaign! I know this Friday they are giving away free lattes during B fast hours....

Ryan Barrett said...

I heard this too and was a bit floored. When ever I go home the first thing I do when I get off the plane is stop at Bojangles and get some fried chicken, biscuits and gravy, and the biggest sweet tea they have to offer. McD's might not be Bojangles, but sweet tea is hard to come by in Chicago...now, I will just have to find some kick-ass friend chicken.

cb said...

Oh Stephen. Sweet, delusional Stephen...

Sweat Tea (as I like to spell it) is just about one of the most vile substances on earth. Drinking it is like drinking a jar of honey, only grodier.

Sweat Tea should stay firmly planted in the South.

cb said...

One can only hope that it will be "for a limited time only"-- like that dogvomit McRib sandwich thingy.

the joy said...

As a northerner who has lived in the south over half her life I must say that I love the waffle house, but nothing beats a dunkin donut. Its the way they were meant to be. Also, even decaf tea turns me into a jittery crackhead. But it is tasty. So I partially concede. And wow, we've had that tea for about a year.

Jusbeth said...

Sweet tea, yes. Hoop skirts, no!

the joy said...

My waffle house story? When I turned 21 we went bowling and then to the wh. My dear friend Jeremy was nursing a bottle of hennessey, and a waitress came by, not to serve us, but to get her cup filled. Huzzah!

ayem8y said...

Amen Praise Jesus! I’m with you Stephen I drink sweet tea with every meal and I’m so glad they now import it for y’all. As apparently the only other Southerner in this forum, hailing from Miss’ippi, I would like to announce that my street is paved, I have all my teeth and I’m not pregnant. I live two blocks from the local Krispy Kreme and if’n I want a doughnut I have to walk for it. In other Southern news in exchange for sweet tea recipes the south will now be serving Pizza for the very first time.

Aaron said...

REAL pizza? Not that doughy Papa Johns shit? :-)

Doug said...

Dunkin Donuts? Ewwwww, no. I don't even feel compelled to tear a piece off of one of those... total waste of calories. The cakey ones weigh a ton, and the yeasty ones dry up instantly.

It's the Krispy Kreme for me, baby. Totally. Those original honey glazed treasures stay soft inside because of the glaze itself, which acts as a protective barrier against the elements...

Wow. I'm totally hard and totally frightened right now.

Kristie said...

I'm so happy for you Stephen, I've had the McyD's sweet tea, its not as good as Chik-fil-A's but it'll do.

whimsical brainpan said...

Amen!

I can't believe that they are just now selling the iced tea up there. They've been selling it down here (of course) for few years now.

McCool said...

ayem8y...

I haeil from two parts of the south -- and trust me, the sweet tea was different in both places.

Dad's folks in Central Arkansas = colored sugar water (pale as anything)

Mom's folks in Southern Georgia = Deep, dark, deliciously syrupy nectar of the Southern Gods.

We grew up with 3 items to drink in the house: Milk, Coke and Sweet Tea -- Dr. Pepper was a treat we got when we visited my Mom's parents in N. Florida twice a year and OJ is just standard anywhere but it's a side drink (like a side dish).

I make my own sweet tea at home by the gallon and probably go thru 2-3 gallons a day like a good southerner is s'posed to! *grin*

ahhhhh, THAT'S refreshing!

btw....If you yankees HATE sweet tea...it just means you haven't had OUR sweet tea. and trust me when i say, LEMON does NOT go in sweet tea...it goes in Lemonade (preferably Welch's!)

Danifesto said...

I just had a flashback to a visit to my Great Aunt Betty Lou in Arkansas. (pronounced Bettaloo) She was instructing me in the art of making ice tea. Heavy on the ice. Heavy on the sugar. Good times.