Saturday, January 19, 2008

Corey Worthington: Cultural Hero

You know that part from AMERICAN BEAUTY where Lester and Ricky are smoking a joint outside and Ricky's boss walks outside and says...

Catering Boss: "I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here."

Ricky Fitts: "Fine. So, don't pay me."

Catering Boss: "Excuse me?"

Ricky Fitts: "I quit. So, you don't have to pay me. Now, leave me alone."

Catering Boss: "...asshole."

Lester Burnham: "I think you just became my personal hero!"

I know that more than a few of you won't agree, but that's exactly how I feel about Corey Worthington.

Have you heard about this kid? Corey is a 16 year old Australian boy who decided to throw a party at his parent's house while they were out of the country on holiday. A party attended by over 500 people where the police were called and then retreated because Corey's drunken mob / party guests trashed police cars, the neighborhood and apparently his parents house.

That's not why he's my personal hero. Although, that is pretty fucking cool. No, Corey Worthington is my personal hero because of this interview he gave on Australian tv...

No, he's not going to take off his sunglasses, bitch. Why won't he? Because they're fucking HOT sunglasses.

Because he has more style in his pinky than I have in my whole thumb.

Because he's 16 years old, has a nipple ring and a hot little body and he knows it.

Because our youth-obsessed culture CREATED Corey Worthington, and deep down, we ALL want to have been at that party, knowing that we were living for that moment and fuck the rules, fuck society, fuck the world.

There are days when I am choked by so much bourgeois in this "act one way and believe another" world in which we live. If everyone is really disgusted by this boy and the world didn't want to be Corey Worthington, then AMERICAN IDOL wouldn't be the hottest show on television. Then, HANNAH MONTANNA wouldn't be the most expensive concert ticket in the nation. Then, I wouldn't be invisible when I walk into a gay bar because I'm not 22 years old.

So Corey, go for it. Live it up. Party hard and fast and grab ahold of this ride and squeeze out every fucking dollar those rich, old white men want to give you.

If you want to know what we as human beings truly value, don't listen to what we say, watch what we do, what we buy, what shows we watch and what celebrities we obsess over.

The cultural zeitgeist does not lie.

And Corey, if it's at all possible, invite me to your next party.

You had me at "Naked Twister."


Blockade Boy said...

Criminy! He's like a real-life version of Nick Swardson's "Terry" character on Reno:911.

Lance Noe said...


Anonymous said...

Speaking of cultural heroes, Dolly Parton turned 62 today.

Polt said...

Personally, I'm more pissed off at the lady newscaster. Who the fuck does she think she is, demanding he apologize to "all of US" that he scared. Was she there?

Man, she were in the states, you know she's be a tight-ass Republican Faux News junkie.

Who's business is it of hers, anyways.

Go Corey! Party Hard, Party Often, Party Naked! And send me the photos!


Aaron said...

I think you've hit on an interesting point. I would even argue that the cultural zeitgeist, while youth-obsessed, also seeks to PUNISH youth sometimes. "American Idol" is a good case in point: it almost seems to me to be a way that 40-somethings get revenge on 20-somethings. Ever notice how you have to be 26 and under to compete? And ALL the judges are in their 40s, except Randy Jackson, who's in his 50s? And they get to sit in judgment and scorn of the contestants? And said judges (except for Paula) have never had big careers until they started this show? And Paula's usually the most sympathetic to the contestants? Maybe BECAUSE she was a 20-something stuck in the machine once...and the others? Useless and loud, like an old Ford Falcon.

the joy said...

Classy dude. He is so Terry!! Party all the time! I think you're right about our culture. Even at 24 I sometimes feel out of the loop...

philip said...

It's official. Yellow sunglasses, big bird hair, glitter trucker caps, and faux fur fringed camo jackets for Spring this year!!! Fuck Prada, I'll be wearing Corey.

"Oh this ol' thing? Just something I found lying around my parents' house. It's an Australian design. . . "

Let's get Corried Away!!

Java said...

Who the hell does that bitch think she is? She's just a f#(kin' reporter, not the arbiter of morality or fashion. Those glasses are cool. The kid has a sassy style that is wildly appealing. He was really getting off yanking her chain like that.
I like what philip said: let's get Corried away!

cb said...

I think one of the apocalyptic signs is when sunglasses that butt-ugly are considered to be the "f" word...

Ew. I think they would look more apropos on the dead Old Navy lady.

Master Aaron said...

Rader, between you and this Aaron-guy, who I have to meet because he's smart and has a GREAT name, this blog is becoming an interesting on-line social science symposium. Happy Birthday-Eve, Darling! Oh, and I hear that is has become traditional that there are two butt-smacks for each year of life, and that they are always to be delivered on a naked and slight dampened posterior. See you soon!

Britney said...

Corey , doesn't do a thing for me , now his little friend in the green tank with the British flag on it , Yummmmmmmy !!

Steven !!
Have a Happy Homo Birthday !!!! Try to avoid picking up any paparazzi on your way to T's , I know they'll be everywhere tryin to snap your beautiful A$$ !!