Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Tap Your Troubles Away

Where are we now? On the tally of "Outed Republican Hatemongering, Homophobic Cocksuckers?"

Is this 482? Or 483? I've simply lost track.

Here's the story - - alongside my comments...

WASHINGTON (Aug. 27) — Senator Larry E. Craig, Republican of Idaho, was arrested in June by an undercover police officer in a men’s bathroom at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, and pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in the case three weeks ago.

SR: In June?!? Why is it taking us THIS LONG to hear about this?!? If I was caught in a tearoom, I'd be on the front page of the Chicago Freepress in MINUTES!!!! And I'm NOBODY!!!

Mr. Craig, 62, was fined more than $500 and placed on unsupervised probation for a year. A 10-day jail sentence was suspended, according to a copy of a court document in the case. A second charge, interference with privacy, was dismissed.

SR: Unsupervised probation? So, what... if you get caught trying to blow another guy under the bathroom stall in the men's room at Macy's, you'll be in big trouble, but we're not going to be watching you. We'll take your word for it that you won't be doing anything like THAT again. Cause your an honest corrupt official.

According to a police report obtained by the Capitol Hill newspaper Roll Call, which disclosed the episode and the guilty plea Monday, a plainclothes police officer investigating complaints of sexual activity in the bathroom arrested the senator on June 11 after what the officer described as sexual advances made by Mr. Craig from an adjoining stall.

SR: Oh, I LOVE story time. I have my cookie and milk. Go on...

By Roll Call’s account, the officer said Mr. Craig had tapped his foot, in what the officer called a known signal to engage in lewd conduct, and had also brushed his foot against the investigator’s and waved his hand under the stall divider several times before the officer showed him his badge. After the arrest the senator denied any sexual intent, and in a statement issued Monday afternoon he attributed the matter to a misunderstanding.

SR: We fags are clever. Isn't it time we updated out tearoom signals? I mean, the cops are obviously onto our "tap foot /wave hand under divider" routine.

Perhaps we should start knocking three time on the divider (if you want me). Twice on the pipe (clink, clink) if the answer is no.

Or maybe we take a cue from SEINFELD's Elaine and simply ask the hunky shoes in the next stall if they can "spare a square." If they say yes, GAME ON!!

“At the time of this incident, I complained to the police that they were misconstruing my actions,” Mr. Craig said in the statement. “I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct.

SR: No. You weren't involved in any inappropriate conduct. You were simply doing your toilet choreography to Jerry Herman's "Tap Your Troubles Away!" Everybody knows that routine KILLS at all your big fundraisers.

Mr. Craig continued, “I should have had the advice of counsel in resolving this matter. In hindsight, I should not have pled guilty. I was trying to handle this matter myself quickly and expeditiously.”

SR: Baby, you plead guilty because you ARE guilty. Now shut up and do a few more wrongdoings so they can throw you in the state penn. You'll get plenty of sordid cock in there.

Mr. Craig also severed ties Monday with the Republican presidential campaign of Mitt Romney, in which he had been serving as a co-liaison to the Senate with Senator Robert F. Bennett of Utah. The Romney campaign issued a statement that said: “Senator Craig has stepped down from his role with the campaign. He did not want to be a distraction, and we accept his decision.”

SR: He's one of Mitt's boys! It just gets better and better, doesn't it?

Mr. Craig, who is married and has three children, publicly rejected accusations by a gay rights activist last year that he had engaged in homosexual conduct. He called the accusations “completely ridiculous.”

SR: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.


whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I just love it when this kind of thing happens.

Isn't it funny how it happens to evangelicals/Republicans and then they deny it or say they've been cured.

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - And how DOES one cure them? Put them in a room with a ton of Judy Garland and Liza Minnelli dvd's until they go on gay-overload?

Nah... they'll still want to suck cock... Cause I've been on Judy and Liza overload for YEARS and it hasn't stopped me!!!

Shirley Heezgay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shirley Heezgay said...

Oh, nevermind.

Jami said...

He had to go with the "wide stance" defense because there just aren't enough scary black men in the MSP area. Because, you know, he is not now, nor has he ever been, gay and he loves his wife. And cock.

Aaron said...

If this is a "lady," then WE really ARE "queens."

Master Aaron said...

You know, I could forgive it all if he were really _good_ at what he does, but I just have a feeling he's one of those prone to the teeth'd grooming of the instrument, 'er, at hand. I have to say that I go right to Hog Heaven every time someone who votes to limit the rights of my partner gets caught begging for plainclothes penis. I do have to ask, though...WHO reported WHAT disturbance, that sent the police into the crapper in time to catch the tapper? As much as I'm glad he's nabbed, I doubt it went down like this. Be warned, all, that the young, good-looking, plainclothes boys are in the bathrooms of American, givin' us the eye in an attempt to slip us the handcuffs...in a bad way.

Bob said...

I love you.

Stephen Rader said...

Jami - "...he loves his wife. And cock." Now, THAT is funny!!! It's funny because it's true.

Aaron - Do we really get to be Queen!?!? Do we?!?!? WOOHOO!!!

Master Aaron - Well put. Of course, that's what he said.

Bob - I love you, too!!!!

David said...

Stephen, he has a wide stance, that's why his foot was in the next stall.

Stephen Rader said...

David - The word "stance" implies that he was "standing," but wasn't he "sitting?" No, he was probably on his knees.