Thursday, August 30, 2007

Hello, Papi

I just found this half naked man...

...or rather, I was "enjoying the view" over at WetBoxerGuy and scrolled down to this picture of not "an" underwear model - - "THE" underwear model who is not only hotter than a 4 dollar Prada bag, but also happens to be my one-and-only soul mate (That's right - - I called dibs on him, so take a psychic message from Dionne Warwick and "Walk On By")...

...wearing the Dragon Brief from Papi, and I immediately was reminded of my newest and strangest piece of bad, public behavior.

The same thing happens on a daily basis. I see a hot man - - pretty much any age, but usually it's a big, hot and handsome, hairy hunk of man meat - - and before my brain can send a "Don't say it, Queen!" message to my mouth, each and every time, I immediately blurt out the same two-word phrase... loudly...

"Hello, Daddy!"

I'm not making this up. I do this. A lot. Honestly.

And my voice transforms into this bizarre accent as I'm saying it.

It's sort of a cross between Jessica Rabbit and one of "Girls from Mt. Pilot" - - the one who says, "Hello, doll."

Yeah, it sounds like that.

Not exactly sexually enticing.

Let's face it, this little involuntary vocal impulse is... well...

  • Bizarre? Yes.
  • Frightening to children and passersby? Definitely.

And yes, you guessed it. When I saw the "Papi" picture, I did it again. I said, "Hello, Daddy." Out loud. To no one. As I sat here at my desk drinking my morning 2 liter of Diet Coke.

However, I looked up the word "papi," and The World According to Wiki declares "papi" to be the plural form of "papa."

So, does that mean I get TWO of this Dragon Brief-wearing bad boy?!?

And if the answer is "yes," don't even think about it. I'm not sharing either one of them.

Trust me. I definitely have some openings where they can... ahem... fit.

Besides, if they keep me busy at home, I won't be out walking the streets of Chicago yelling "Hello, Daddy" at every Tom, Harry and Dick.

Q: Is that the first stage of tourette's syndrome or am I just a little overdue to get laid? Hmmm...

P.S. Hottie-Patottie Papi Model (say that three times fast and you'll master the art of cunnilingus) is DEFINITELY My New Imaginary Boyfriend!


Shirley Heezgay said...

A: Either I have the onset of Tourette's as well, or we're just gay as gay can be.

I, like you, have a phrase very similar to yours. Actually, I have two of them.

Nasty #1: Hey/Thanks/, Dad. --again, like you, any age.

Nasty #2: When I see a superhot father with his kids, I don't say DILF or FILF, but I usually say,
"Happy Father's Day!"

Oh, by the way Stephen, you won this week!

Master Aaron said...

It means you are reaching that lovely, holy age where you can actually say the things that come into your mind, and those to whom these bon mots are delivered AND those in the immediate vicinity, who once would have thought, "that queen's vibrator must be IN and on HIGH," will instead muse, "AHHH, aren't MATURE people FUNNY?!?!?!"

I have one of these Howdy-Doody shout-outs, too. I used it when I was a 25 year-old ballet dancer with long flowing hair with great results. And then some things happened...mostly bad joints and cakes and pies and male-pattern baldness...and I had to leave it untouched atop the credenza of life until just recently. Now I use it frequently, and I'm sure people think I'm just another addled older gentleman. But I'm not. I mean it just like I meant it at 25. And it is: "You KNOW what I want; THROW IT OVER!!!"

Lance Noe said...

I have a brain / filter/ mouth disconnect, i think i got when i was born southern. So usually what comes in my head comes immediately out my mouth.

Once in Korea i was at a record store and looked up and on the other side of the aisle was a GORGEOUS young man. i said, i thought in my head, MY GOD YOUR PRETTY! Then I hear, "Sank you." I look up and say "excuse me?" he looked confused and said, "you just say to me, i am pretty, so i say sank you." I was like, " i said that out loud? oh my god. we later had coffee and sex."

Though usually i prefer Ron Mcintyre - Fenders line: "Hey little boy. Wanna fuck a sissy?"

Stephen Rader said...

Shirley, Master Aaron & Lance - Nice to know I am not alone in the world of "speaking my horny mind," as it were. Love them all!

And Lance, I miss me some Ronnie McIntyre-Fender