Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Lance's Shelly Stories

I hope that Lance doesn't mind me posting this here, but he left this in the comments in my post about the upcoming film version of NINE and it is WAY too funny not to be shared with as many people as is humanly possible!

Lance wrote...

In the original cast of NINE was a lady named Shelly Burch. She sang "Unusual Way."

Well... she is from orlando and moved back there in 2002. I was in a play with this crazy ass bitch in 2003. Girl, that bitch is insane! I love her but she is NUTS.

Story 1: there was a 21 year old hotty in our cast and she looked at him one night backstage and said, "god what i wouldn't give to bend over this piece of wood and have you shove your cock in me!"

Story 2: she showed up in our dressing room one night, with out a bra and only panties with a question to ask me about 1776.

Story 3: she was on stage, ON STAGE! oh yeah, i should mention, this was a children's show, and she is about to sing a song and she scooted forward and her dress scooted up with her. the man on the front row noticed and she noticed he noticed and said and i quote, "hey mister, this is a children's show, you shouldn't be looking at MY HOOCH!"

Story 4: same scene different night, the little girl playing the lead was on stage (with) mrs. certifiable and screws up her line. crazy looks at the child and says, completely out of character, "don't worry munchkin they don't know you fucked up."

Story 5: opening of act 2, party scene at the barn dance, yes the barn dance, i am on top of a platform and cuckoo for cocoa puffs walks out and up to me, puts her hand on my crotch and says into a hot mic, "looks like your packing a big one in that holster tonight!" and begins to sing!

Story 6: after show met and greet. one of the biggest agents in town comes to see the show. the deranged diva walks up to him and says "if you sign me you'll find out that singing and acting are not my only talents." then she licked her lips.

Story 7: backstage ready to enter, mic on, "my pussy itches!"

THE BITCH IS CRAZY! but she CAN sing!

Boys - - I think we've found our new Diva.

Personal Note to Shelly Burch: Shelly, if you happen to find this, I have three things...

A) I am in love with you... hard...

B) I want to act/sing/party/do children's theatre with you, and...

C) Did you bang that 21 year old? Well, did you?!?!?!


Aaron said...

I remember when she used to play Delilah (Bo's wife) on "One Life to Live" in the early 80s. She was kind of nutty on there, too. And sneaky.

Who knew she was a nut in real life? Even the good kind?

Lance Noe said...

OH course I don't mind. I have never been the feature of someones blog before.

But to be honest with you. I LOVE HER!

She is older now but that voice isn't. She is insane but she is as nice as you could ever want soemone to be.

She was working with Martin Charnin on a new show but that was way back in 2003 i think.

Anyways, THANKS! Glad I could ammuse you!

dirk.mancuso said...

Like Aaron, I remember her from ONE LIFE TO LIVE as Bo's cousin cum step-mama cum wife. She was a dose of trippy southern fun on there, until they married her off to a cop and made her all boring.

Stephen Rader said...

Dirk - Cops have been know to be a major buzzkill on more than one occasion. That's why I just find a nice, mountain of a man to dress up like one on alternate Saturdays and show me his billy club skills.