Sunday, June 17, 2007

"Oh No, Anita, No. Anita, No."

Serendipity Theatre Collective is offering another installment of 2nd Story tonight at @mostphere.

Tonight, the evening will benefit Season of Concern and they have kindly asked me to host.

2nd Story is an evening of storytelling, music and usually wine tasting, but tonight, it's all about cocktails... which is probably why I was asked to host...

I never met a vodka I didn't like.

Being Pride Month, the stories tonight are about the gay and lesbian experience, so I've been asked to provide a little toast before each of the three stories being read.

I am rarely if ever speechless, but I figured I should do a little research so that my toast won't simply be me quoting a line from one of my favorite tv shows... like what Shirley wrote in Laverne's yearbook...

If in Heaven, we don't meet
Hand in hand, we'll bear the heat

And if it ever gets too hot

Pepsi-Cola hits the spot

So, in my googling, I came across this website of gay and lesbian quotes and I found these three in this exact order...


"As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children." - Anita Bryant, 1977


"If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nailbiters." - Anita Bryant


"Anita Bryant like Anita hole in the head." - Graffiti

For those of you who don't know Anita Bryant or believe her to be one of the women from WEST SIDE STORY, I'll just say this - - you know Ann Coulter, right? Well...

Ann Coulter is sort of the beta 2.0 version of Anita Bryant.

Anita Bryant 2: Electric Boogaloo!

That clear it up for ya?

I could call Ms. Bryant so many names and rant and rave, but I found a quote on another site that calls Ms. Bryant exactly what she is.

This is attributed to the uber-fabulous female impersonator, Mr. Charles Pierce...

“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?”

Come to 2nd Story tonight if you're free. I've read the stories and they are really wonderful!

6 comments:

Aaron said...

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to make it! I hope you had a great time...

Anita Bryant--isn't she in Branson, MO now? (Or at least she was.) For a long time before that, I read that she ran a dress shop in Selma, AL. How fitting.

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Actually, Ms. Bryant WAS in Branson in her own music theatre. Then when that failed, she tried her own music theatre in my old neck of the woods, Pigeon Forge, TN, which also failed.

What if you built a music theatre starring a homophobic bitch and nobody came? You would end up in bankruptcy. Or a dress shop in Selma, AL. :)

Master Aaron said...

She tried to do musical theatre without homosexuals? I suppose she left out the Jewish people as well. She probably did Ain't Misbehavin' with white people. Clearly no gay man has ever touched her hair, that much seems clear. And the "puppies" line IS my new favorite thing in the world, and I'm going to use it flagrantly - shut up! - and not even ask Mr. Pierce's permission.

Stephen Rader said...

Master Aaron - Well, since Charles has been dead for some time now, I think that'll be alright with him. :)

Master Aaron said...

Sweetie, don't mess with the dead, they will FUCK you up. Now that I know he's dead, I WILL ask his permission.

Stephen Rader said...

Master Aaron - Well, tell Chareles I said hello when you talk to him!

My favorite line of his was when he did Bette Davis in the 80's and puffing on a cigarette, he would say...

"Joan Crawford. Dead you know!"

And then after the laugh, he'd say...

"And she'll never let a soul forget it."