Friday, June 15, 2007

True Colors 2 - Deborah (Not Debbie) Harry

You know that 60-something year old aunt you have who wears expensive clothes designed to be worn by a 20 year old, combs, teases and sprays her hair to Jesus and does "that dance" at every wedding reception?

And by "that dance," I don't mean THE ELECTRIC SLIDE or THE CHICKEN DANCE. I mean, the "Oprah Winfrey Awkwardly Gyrating Like A Sub-Par Molly Ringwold As She Watches Her Special Musical Guest While Standing In The Middle Of Her Studio Audience" dance.

Yeah, "that dance." Danced by "that aunt."

Well, put that on stage in the True Colors Tour, mix in a little gin and the after-effects of way too much cocaine snorted in various bathroom stalls at CBGB's in the 80's and you've got the one, the only...

Deborah Harry

Notice it's not "Debbie Harry." She's pulling a "Deborah Gibson" on us, ya'll.

I know Ms. Harry and Ms. Gibson changed their names to appear more mature, but the former Mrs. Eddie Fisher never changed her name to "Deborah" and if you ask me, Debbie Reynolds has more talent in her little pinky than those two 80's Debbies have got in their both of their thumbs - - put together!

Case in point: At the True Colors Tour date here in Chicago this past Tuesday, Ms. Harry's singing was nice (not good, not bad, just nice), but her stage presence was uber-bizarre.

Not only did she kick off both of her sparkly silver high heel shoes about two songs into her set, she then asked who in the audience wore a size 9 and tossed one shoe to one fag in the audience and the other show to another fag.

I don't know what came over me (jealousy?, envy?, bad taste?), but I immediately screamed...

"I want the belt!"

Yes, it was a tacky, silver chain belt that I could easily purchase at any Claire's Boutique in the suburbs, but damn it, if I couldn't have the shoes, I at least wanted something from the "Blondie Bedazzler Collection."

But I didn't get the belt. Debbie needed it. She needed to be covered in shiny sparklies to keep the audience from falling asleep. Her song set was like organic Ambien.

Debbie only sang new material, mostly songs from her yet-to-be released new cd entitled...

Some of the music was good but the new songs really didn't grab the audience at all. And Debbie either has either been extremely busy since she cut the album or she doesn't really give a rat's ass about the music because she - - and this is no joke - - she READ THE LYRICS OFF A PROMPTER DOWNSTAGE CENTER.

It was VERY Sinatra: The Final Five Years.

The monitor was cleverly positioned and Debbie tried in vain to act like she WASN'T reading the lyrics, but from my front row seat, I could easily see the prompter.

Yep folks, it was Debbie Harry Karaoke. Or as I call it, "Harry-oke."

All in all, it was an odd performance best described by Bea on her blog...

"girl wern't looking too great last night... her heart of glass has turned into eyes of glass..."

Love that Bea. Love her.


Aaron said...

Sorry, I love Debbie. Guess I'm glad I didn't go! But I've been disappointed in a few of her performances before, and still love her...I guess once somebody really gets inside you (like she did to me with Blondie in the late 70s), you never get them out.

I've heard acid is like that, too...

dirk.mancuso said...

Um, yeah...Stephen, about that whole "Oprah Winfrey Awkwardly Gyrating Like A Sub-Par Molly Ringwald As She Watches Her Special Musical Guest While Standing In The Middle Of Her Studio Audience" thing?

While it's true Ms. Winfrey has put her own stamp on those moves, I think you should know that I originated them in preparation for a middle school dance I ultimately did not attend.

Dirk Mancuso - setting the record straight since 2006.

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - "once somebody really gets inside you..."

Oh, Dear Lord - - I love it when you write that!!!!

Debbie was fine and actually entertaining to a degree, but when I compare her performance to Cyndi Lauper's, it left me wanting more.

Dirk - I stand corrected.

And I have to say that I probably stole that move from you back in '83 when I actually did attend my middle school dance and attempted those gyrations standing at the edge of the dancefloor during Olivia Newton-John's PHYSICAL.

It weren't pretty.

Aaron said...

There was another song on that ONJ album called "Make A Move On Me." (It was a hit right after "Physical.") Try dancing to THAT one! (Before you ask, yes. And it was very embarrassing.)

Aaron said...

Oh, and it's awfully hard to compete with Cyndi Lauper's energy and personality. She's a firecracker! In the best possible way...

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Not only did I try and fail miserably to dance to MAKE A MOVE ON ME by Olivia Newton-John, I also tried lip syncing and eventually crooning that song and most of the ONJ cannon in my living room, performing for and therefore shocking my parents with my God given abundance of homosexuality.

And you're right, comparing Ms. Harry to Ms. Lauper is like comparing Jim J. Bullock with Paul Lynde - - both were great at what they did (being the center HOLLYWOOD SQUARES in their respective television eras), but one had true wit and one had a talk show with Tammy Faye Baker.

And Uncle Arthur could kick Monroe's ass any day of the week!!

Is that a randome comparison or what?!?!? :)

dirk.mancuso said...

Oh hells to the no!

I know you di-ENT just off handedly diss muh gurl Tammy Faye...

Stephen Rader said...

Dirk - Never! I love me some Tammy Faye!! I especially love that she out lived that fuck Falwell!

You know Tammy was dancing her 68 pound bony body from here to Schaumburg when she heard that fat fuck was taking his last plunge down the waterslide to eternal damnation.