I am big believer in the idea that God sometimes gives us blessings that we initially perceive as bad luck or Murphy's Law or the karmic equivalent of walking through a cow pasture and heel-toe'ing into manure with each and every step.
For example, yesterday morning - - early, early morning - - I woke up with a nasty stomach ache and something Southerners refer to as "The Green Apple Quick Steps."
(If you don't have a clue what that means, go here and read the definition in the middle of the page.)
I decided to stay at home, drink tons of the The Pink Stuff and gobble Immodium until my intestinal track ran as slow as the CTA.
Then, it happened.
What is "it?" Well, you know that phrase, "Sometimes there's God so quickly," right? Well, in my case, I was sitting at my desk here at home working on my laptop and then...
But four inches of rain in a 30 minute period that starts gushing into my little basement apartment like a queer mini-Niagra Falls MOST DEFINITELY freaks me out.
In minutes, water was pouring through both doors of my apartment. I ran back and forth through all the rooms unplugging everything and moving anything near floor-level to higher ground.
Then, the power went out in my building.
I am sure I looked like Jodi Foster in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS as I stumbled blindly trying to save... well, I wasn't trying to save a full figured girl in a well... I was trying to save my Judy Garland dvd's!
The rain was quick and hard - - which I enjoy in most things, but when it comes to floods, not so much. In less than half an hour, I was standing in four feet of water throughout my entire apartment.
Luckily, I was able to save nearly everything. Nothing was really ruined. Not my Tivo, not my comic books, not my laptop, not my stereo or my vintage Bette Midler albums. Nothing.
And you see, if God hadn't give me The Green Apple Quick Steps in the morning, I would have lost several of those things to this 30 minute flood.
So it's true. Sometimes there is God so quickly.
But God, if you don't mind - - the next time, could you give me something a little more attractive than diarrhea? I would greatly appreciate it.