Monday, November 05, 2007

"Hell No! Shia Won't Go!" & "Katie! Run For Your Life!"

Before things get out of control and either one of these stories veers into the "Britney / Lindsay" area of media attention, I would like to set the record straight...

...well, maybe not "straight" but "gayly forward"...

1) Shia LaBeof was not drunk at the Walgreen's here in Chicago at Chicago and Michigan Avenue. Sure, he was a little tipsy...

...we had been consuming SEVERAL Limoncellos throughout the evening...

...and he was simply roaming the aisles looking for his favorite Walgreen's item: "Baby Wig on a Stick."

You see, when Shia has a couple of cocktails, he likes to cuddle up with a "Baby Wig on a Stick" and pretend it's Kate Moss.

I told him I would gladly dress up like Kate Moss and he could fondle me, but he wasn't interested.

Proof that he wasn't overly drunk or he SO would have taken me up on my offer.


and also...


2) Katie Holmes was not running the New York Marathon.

She was running FROM Tom Cruise and TO Nicole Kidman to ask her how the Hell she got away from that fag.

Luckily for Katie, Tom got distracted by all the lean men in extra-short shorts, stopped at a water station and just stared at the hot guys who poured the drinking water all over their firm, tight bodies.

Suri was staying with her godparents: Anderson Cooper and Ryan Seacrest.

10 comments:

Shirley Heezgay! said...

If ET and Access Hollywood reported the celeb "news" like this, I would consider watching.

Stephen Rader said...

Shirley Heezgay - I get all the ET, Access Hollywood and Extra that I can digest from THE SOUP every week. But I agree with you. Those entertainment shows should hire me to spice up their celeb pseudo-stories.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"he likes to cuddle up with a "Baby Wig on a Stick" and pretend it's Kate Moss."

LMFAO!

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - It's funny because it's true. :)

supertiff said...

you can tell that she's not running a marathon because no woman, no matter how small their boobs are, would EVER run a marathon without a bra. and probably one made out of that crazy NASA material or something.
me?
i don't even want to navigate a stairwell without a bra.

p.s.
apologies for all the bra talk.

Stephen Rader said...

supertiff - Are you kidding? I love the bra talk. And you are SO right about it. My brother, the marathon runner, talks about "taping his nipples to keep them from bleeding." So, does Katie have non-bleeding nipples or something?

Ok, I just grossed myself out.

Steven said...

Thanks for the morning chuckle!

Stephen Rader said...

Steven - Anytime!! I'm loving your blog, by the way.

Valyna said...

If Katie didn't have bleeding nipples before the race, I'm sure she's got them now. I am also a member of the ittie-bittie-tittie-committee AND a runner... I would never do a run without a bra. That's just plain sillyness.

YAY!!! for the Anderson eye candy. You make my bits twitch ;)

Stephen Rader said...

Valyna - How much you wanna bet that Tom didn't even notice that Katie's nipples were bleeding? Because he's NEVER SEEN THEM!!!!!! What a homo.

Yep, I love me some Anderson Cooper. Any day. Any way.