Tuesday, November 13, 2007

For the Discerning Gay Man on your Christmas List

Did you feel it? Did you?

The world just got a little bit gayer.

No, Clay Aiken didn't record "Dark Lady," but you're close. Because what I'm talking about also seems like one thing on the outside when it's really something quite different underneath.

Look what the boys over JockstrapCentral.com are offering to the masses. Just in time for Jesus' birthday...

"Want to surprise someone with a jockstrap? Well now you can do it in style with our signature gift wrapping service. Your purchase is carefully wrapped in black tissue paper and sealed with a silver medallion then placed in a perforated metal box. Finally to finish it off - a handsome black ribbon tied into a bow. This is pure class! All this for one low price and the box is reusable."

Yes, nothing really says "The Birth of Our Lord and Savior" quite like a well-wrapped, yet discreetly masculine athletic supporter.

The Wise Men gave the baby Jesus frankincense, myrrh and gold.

The little drummer boy gave Him his music.

But it was that clever A-list fag in the Dolce & Gabbana sandals who presented the baby Jesus with His very first jockstrap. Inside a silver medallion. Inside a metal box. Surrounded by a simple and stylish black ribbon.

Oh and hey, Jesus - - you can reuse the box!!

Reuse the box. If I kept that box in my house, I know exactly what would happen...

Guest: "This is the cutest container you're using to plate the tapenade. Where did you get it?"

Stephen: "Oh, you know that jockstrap I wear to all those watersports parties at the Eagle? Yeah, it came in that box."

Guest: "Wow. That is classy."

It's come this far, has it. Gift wrapping for jockstraps.

If I find a bottle of poppers in my stocking this Christmas, I will no longer be a Friend of Dorothy's.

Thanks to UndiesDrawer.com for informing of this gay development.


Eric said...


a) you are SO getting the FOR RENT jock

and 2) they have 360 spinning views of each guy! wheeeeeeee! lol


Thomas MacEntee said...

You do know that Betty Bower is hawking some WWJD thong with the Son of God right on it, don't you?


Also, while I know for a fact that the Eagle doesn't have "organized" Water Sports parties, one has been known to lie prostate in the trough in the rear bathroom now and then.

Aaron said...

Do you chop your own olives for the tapenade, or can you get them already minced?

Oh--I mean, er, what sizes do the jockstraps come in?

Stephen Rader said...

Eric - A) Getting it? I have it on right now!

2) Technology truly makes life grand, don't it? :)

Thomas - Thanks for the Betty Bower link. I now know one of the stocking stuffers for my Mom this Christmas.

And sure, they're not "organized," but when I... errr... I mean, when one lies in that trough, the other boys get the idea.

Aaron - Honey, I'm a redneck. I know the word "tapenade," but only because I've eaten it at fancy gay parties. At my house, you eat sausage balls, grits and biscuits with sawmill gravy and you better like it!

Aaron said...

Mmmm....sausage balls...

Steven said...

"If I find a bottle of poppers in my stocking this Christmas, I will no longer be a Friend of Dorothy's." Oh, so that's how you feel? Guess I need to change my blog name. Bu thank you for the humor. You have a great way Stephen to twist the most mundane subject and make such a "hoot" out of it!

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - I make a mean sausage ball, baby! The first time I made a truly Southern brunch was pre-Pride Parade a couple of years ago and everyone laughed and I think snickered to themselves at what a redneck spread I had laid out. But one bite and they were hooked! Those sausage balls were gone in no time!

Steven - Well, I'll be YOUR Friend of Dorothy's! That ain't gonna change! Thank you for the kind remarks, but when jockstraps start getting special wrapping as gifts, the craziness just jumps out at you, doesn't it? :)

Tina said...

We Jews love being able to reuse.

Stephen Rader said...

Tina - I'm all for the reusing, but when it's something that a jockstrap was packaged in, even sicko me draws the line!! :)

Shirley Heezgay! said...

I love the "signature gift wrap" --it ain't a blue Tiffany box!

Stephen Rader said...

Shirley Heezgay - A blue Tiffany box it certainly ain't! :)

Eric said...


Now I have to look for something else...

*evil grin*

whimsicalnbrainpan said...


Now that's class!

Stephen Rader said...

Eric - I eagerly await the "something else..." :)

Whim - Yep. Class with a capital "K!"

Java said...

Oh come on, Stephen, if the jock strap hasn't been used, I see no problem in reusing the gift box. A re-gifted jock strap, on the other hand... No.

And I'm coming to your house for sausage balls. I'll make the biscuits.

Stephen Rader said...

Java - Hell, a re-gifted jockstrap is something I would pay TOP DOLLAR for. And have. :)

I got the sausage balls. You got the biscuits. You know what that is? Redneck Heaven!