Saturday, November 17, 2007

"Got any other Old English heroic epic poems we can greenlight?"

BEOWULF: THE MOTION PICTURE! is now playing at a theatre near you, and I could care less.

I love Robert Zemeckis' work, his films and his innovation, but unless "Mad" and "Hell" from DEATH BECOMES HER are appearing in BEOWULF as "Grendel" and "Grendel's mother" (respectively), I am sure the the film version of BEOWULF will bore me to tears.

Not that I've actually read it.

Rarely do I allow myself to be so Republican in my thought... know, how they always say, "I don't HAVE to watch that movie to KNOW that it's offensive!" Ummm... yeah... you kinda DO...

...but since the woman who taught me to appreciate literature hates BEOWULF, I am deferring to her judgement.

Mrs. Nesbitt, who I talked about in one of my posts a little while ago, hated BEOWULF with a passion and refused to teach the epic poem, even though it was a part of our core curriculum.

So, when it came time to read BEOWULF, instead of giving us the assignment to read it, she said...

"This is BEOWULF. Guy kills a monster. Kills a monster's mom. The end."

That was it. That's all we had to know about BEOWULF.

And I'm pretty sure that our test on BEOWULF was just one question, "Tell the story of BEOWULF," and we all answered...

"Guy kills a monster. Kills a monster's mom. The end."

THAT is why I worship (notice the present tense) Mrs. Sandra Nesbitt. So, in her honor, I will not be attending any screening of BEOWULF today or in the future.

Cause I know how it ends.

Still, if Zemeckis had chosen to bring THE SOUP's version of BEOWULF to the big screen, I would have been waiting in line on opening night. Right beside Mrs. Nesbitt. And Erin Moran.


whimsicalnbrainpan said...

That woman really deserves a statue.

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - She deserves everything. She saved my life more times than I think even she knows.

Aaron said...

I'm going to take a pottery class just to MAKE Mrs. Nesbitt a statue. I haven't even met her yet and I already love her!

I always had an idea for a "groaner" in DEATH BECOMES HER: since Madeleine Ashton was an actress and Helen Sharp was a (failed) writer, and they called each other by those nicknames, what if--just what if, mind you...Helen wrote a play about her life and Madeline starred in it.

She could call it--wait for it--

"Mad as Hell"

*assuming the position now*

Not that Type of Raven said...

I'd rather watch every last Harry Potter than go see that movie. I really Looooath HP. Truly.

So I am more than content with Mrs. Nesbitt's version.

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - That's not a groaner. If you called Robert Zemeckis and told him that, MAD AS HELL would be the premise and the name of the DEATH BECOMES HER sequel!!! I love it. :)

Raven - Somehow, I think we're all in agreement with regards to BEOWULF. It will be interesting to see how it does at the box office this weekend.

Tina said...

Stick to the 13th Warrior film, the men are better looking.

Anonymous said...

Does Meryl do a disco number in Beowulf? Beowulf? Is he related to Virginia?

Stephen Rader said...

Tina - Thanks for the suggestion! Anytime the men are better looking, I'm all for it!

uprightguy - I think that Meryl doing a disco number would bump up the box office of any film - - PERIOD! Which is why MAMA MIA is going to be a huge success!!!

Aaron said...

OMG, I completely forgot about that disco number! When those dancers surrounded her in toward the end and did those "disco hoots" ("Whoot! Whoot!"), I just about pissed myself. Which would have been embarrassing, since I was seeing the movie with my dad an stepmom at the time (we all loved that part).

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - That disco moment is the best. I'm sure that it's on YouTube. It's worth a quick search for it. I could watch that movie over and over and NEVER get tired of it.

"She's a woman. A woman, Ernest. From Newark, for god's sakes."