Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I've Got Your Double Gulp Hangin'

Every morning, I go into the 7-Eleven around the corner from my building and buy a Double Gulp filled with Diet Coke.

And nearly every morning, some jackass makes a comment about how big it is.

My favorite so far was the woman who said...
"Never drink anything bigger than your head."

Har-har-dee-har-har.

But after today's comment from some random homo in the elevator with me, I've decided upon the response I will give to anyone who thinks I give a flying fuck about their opinion of my drinking habits.

From now on, when someone says, "Wow, that's a really big soda," I will reply...

"You think this is big, you should see my cock."

That'll shut 'em up. Or get me a date. Either way, I win.

20 comments:

SIZE QUEEN said...

Well whip it out ! I think we all want to have a look ! : )

Well I do , I shouldn't speak for others.

Stephen Rader said...

Size Queen - Well, I better be big if I'm gonna impress a Size Queen!! I'll get some pictures posted asap!! :)

SIZE QUEEN said...

Oh Stephen , you already impress me and your just the right size !

Live, Love & Laugh ! You make me laugh alot . Thanks for your Blog !

Stephen Rader said...

Size Queen - Thank you!! You're very sweet!! Live, Love & Laugh always!

Thomas MacEntee said...

I'm not a size queen but I can be impressed.

Dana said...

Me, too! When do these pics get published?

Michael said...

Oh, they already are.........

Shirley Heezgay! said...

take your time and you'll find the link

Dana said...

:O

Stephen Rader said...

Thomas - I'll impress you, baby!!! :)

Dana - Published? Hell, you've all seen it, haven't you?

Michael - Exactly.

Shirley Heezgay - I love you for knowing. :)

Dana - Does that smile mean that you found the link?

Aaron said...

Well, it would certainly bring an end to the inane elevator chit-chat, wouldn't it?

And yes, it seems to be quite the Chipotle-sized accessory...

Mark in DE said...

As you usual, you never disappoint! That is the BEST comeback EVER! I can't wait for you to use it. Although I'm sure I won't be around to hear you use it. Since you live in Chicago. And I live in Delaware. Which is pretty far from Chicago. Even on a plane.

Damn - where are those compromising photos???

Mark :-)

Thomas MacEntee said...

The comeback sounds like Terri Hatcher in Soapdish: "If you like my eyes, you should see my t*ts!"

Bill S. said...

But would you really want to go on a date with someone who feels the need to comment on your soft drink consumption?

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Nice! :-)

Shirley Heezgay! said...

btw, I didn't mention that I think that comeback rocks hard.

Steven said...

Now I just need to find the right 7-11 and say to every person who gets a Big Gulp filled with Diet Coke, "You must be a size queen" and see if I get the Stephen "response." ;-)

dirk.mancuso said...

In an attempt at decorum, the downstate blogger placed a magazine in his lap and wiped the drool from his chin as the memory of the pics darted through his mind...

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Did someone say Chipotle?!? I love their burritos. Another thing that's bigger than my head. But I still eat it. MMmm....

Mark - If you really want to see them, I'll show 'em to you. But there is one of me in a link on one of my TMI Tuesday answers. Trust me, though - - you definitely get ALL of me in that picture, so be careful what you wish for. Your retinas might burn. :)

Thomas - SOAPDISH! An incredibly UNDER rated movie. "On the machine. On the MACHINE, Rose. ON THE MACHINE!!!"

Bill S. - Right now, I have a sign strapped to my ass that says, "Available Gay Man, This Exit. Next Available Gay Man, 147 Miles." Besides, I'm used to boyfriends saying that I'm "pathetic" and "stupid" - - insulting my soft drink consumption is kids play compared to all that. :) Thanks for the comment, cutie.

Whim - Thanks! You know, you're one of the first people to help me grow a spine. I still need about a foot or two more for a full spine, but I'm getting there.

Shirley Heezgay - Thank you, Sir. From you, that is quite the compliment.

Steven - Just look for the bald guy buzzing on aspartame - - that'll be me. :)

Dirk - They made you drool? WOOHOO!!! Think what a "live and in person" showing would do! P.S. You're very kind.

dbv said...

that's hysterical...