Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Grip It. Grip It GOOD!

If you want to know why I love NBC's new BIONIC WOMAN, you have to fully understand my passion for THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN.

Or more precisely Steve Austin as played by Lee Majors.

And the many toys that were offered to boys my age that carried Mr. Majors' likeness.

No toy, no "Action Figure," had ever been quite as cool as the Steve Austin dolls.

You could roll up the skin on his bionic arm to see all the bionic parts inside.

He had a hole in the back of his head - - A HOLE IN THE BACK OF HIS HEAD, Y'ALL!!! - - that you could look into as if you were seeing through his bionic eye.

He wore a skin tight red jumpsuit - - still smokin' hot nearly 40 years later.

And then, there were "special editions" of the Steve Austin doll, like this SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN WITH BIONIC GRIP!

Check out this clip and it's slight, yet obvious sexual references that I caught as a child when watching the commercial for this "Action Figure"...



Picture me sitting in front of our huge 19 inch console tv, lusting after the new Steve Austin with Bionic Grip and hearing the boy from the commercial - - a boy my own age - - shouting...

"Careful, Steve! GRIP IT! HOLD ON!!"

That commercial called to me. I had found my people. And they begged me to "Grip it!"

Still, I always had to play Sabrina, the lesbian Charlie's Angel, so that lead to some confusion...

16 comments:

Steven said...

Thanks for that flashback. I once blogged of him when the new series came out as well. And don't forget the board game named after him and the space suit with backpack that was actually an AM radio.

Stephen Rader said...

Steven - So true! That space suit was rockin'! :)

We have WAY too much in common, Sir. Way too much.

Aaron said...

I had one of those when I was a kid! I used to tickle his little back and pretend we were at a slumber party...

Seriously, though, it WAS cool to look through the bionic eye thing. I could see every pore on my father's face. From across the room.

But my FAVORITE Lee Majors moment (besides "The Big Valley," where he always walked around with no shirt) was in "Straight Jacket" where he's lying in bed with his mistress, just before Joan Crawford chops his head off...

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Shirtless Lee Majors. Ain't nothing better than that. Other than a headless Lee Majors, as you pointed out. :)

Thomas MacEntee said...

Oh, so another fegeleh who played with dolls like me?

I used to torture my female cousins' dolls all the time (I had 40 first cousins growing up. My family didn't have television, that was obvious).

My various games included giving them dyke haircuts. We also played Nuclear Holocaust Barbie once I found out that Mom's nail polish remover would make the bitch's skin bubble. Barbie's skin that is.

LOL GayPorn said...

Did you have the Six Million Dollar Man curtains and matching bed spread?

Because they were sweet!

Shirley Heezgay! said...

Yup. Had the doll. Had Jamie Sommers. Had Sasquatch. Loved it!!!!

I even remember I had the running shoes that had his image on the bottome and all around the base of the shoes. Maybe even the shoelaces??

I would play "Superheroes" with my friends, and I was always Steve. I used to run around in slow motion and get all pissed when they would run past me:

"I'm supposed to be the fast one!!!"

What a drama queen.

Stephen Rader said...

thomas macntee - Nuclear Holocaust Barbie. I am now officially in love with you. Now, where is my nail polish remover...?

lol gayporn - No! But I did have the COOLEST Steve Austin long sleeved t-shirt that I wore 24/7. So friggin' sweet!

Shirley Heezgay - Please say that you made the sound while you ran in slow motion. Cause I did. Always. :)

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Hmmm... The Bionic Woman doll had all of the same features but the grip.

cb said...

Wow, that commercial really brought me back- for real real!

That damn dirt mound in the back yard--- as soon as I saw him scaling that I was transported back to saturday morning cartoons.

wow

Mark in DE said...

OMG, yes! YES!!! When I was a boy I had a huge crush on Lee Majors too. I faithfully sat in front of our ginormous console TV, eyes glued to the screen in hopes that Steve Austin would have a few buttons of his shirt open so I could see that sexy, hairy chest. I was, like, 7 years old or something. How can anyone say that being gay is a choice? What 7 year old gay boy watches Steve Austin and says "Now that's hot! I think I'm going to be gay." Okay, maybe I did.

Mark

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - But you couldn't look through her her head, right? At least, I don't remember that you could...

cb - Saturday Morning Cartoons! Kids today don't know what they're missing! I still get up and watch an hour of cartoons on Saturday. Of course, I time it so that it's THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES and THE BATMAN, but still..

mark in de - Amen!!! Lee Majors had it goin' ON!! I still have a thing for hairy chests to this day!!! Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!!!

mrpeenee said...

And Lee Majors later in the show had his fabulous moustache. He was married to Farrah Fawcett then and supposedly would walk around the set asking people if they wanted to smell Farrah on his moustache.

EEEEWWW.

I loved him anyway.

Stephen Rader said...

mrpeenee - Damn! I love him BECAUSE of that!!! :)

ayem8y said...

I had the Steve Austin Command Control Center that folded out and it had a chair that swiveled up and down floors on a pole. All the Barbie dolls would come over and get laid in the bionic transport and repair capsule.

Stephen Rader said...

ayem8y - I am SO jealous of you right now! I had the big Batcave the came with my Batman and Robin Mego dolls. Those Bat-Poles saw many a Dynamic Duo / Six Million Dollar Man menage.