Monday, November 12, 2007

The League of Extraordinary Cornholers

I recently subscribed to the Time Out Chicago Blog and apart from the great theatre posts and random "What's Going On Around Town" info, they offer a daily "Five Things To Do Today" post.

The third "Thing To Do" for today has the following title...


Excuse me?

I'm sorry, but are they suggesting that I go to one of the straightest sports bars in Wrigleyville - - nay, in THE WORLD - - and CORNHOLE A GUY in front of EVERYONE?!?

And there's a LEAGUE for this activity?!?

Meaning, I could win an AWARD for being the best CORNHOLER?!?

Luckily - - or unluckily - - I soon realized that when they say "cornhole," they don't mean this...

...they mean this...

This is cornholing.

Grown men throwing little bags of sand at an inclined board trying to get it in the hole.

They do this. For hours. Don't they have any Judy Garland dvd's at home?!? WTF?!?

And y'all, there's a LEAGUE for this activity. A friggin' LEAGUE!

At least when us homos cornhole, we're getting a large amount of physical pleasure hitting a hole.

And they call US queer.

11 comments:

Aaron said...

Pale imitations!! They are but poor reproductions of us--they scorn our way of life, yet they secretly long for it. GAG for it, even...

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - "Gag for it..." Mmmmm... Now you're talkin'!!! :)

Steven said...

I always found Toss Across that much more fun. We were at Murphy's over Labor Day Weekend and went to a rooftop bleachers game. Plenty of gay men to be found that day. Must have been "Gay Day" at Murphy's ;-)

Stephen Rader said...

Steven - Ok, I don't know where you stand on this, but these gay men who are into sports - - so into sports that they go to sports bars - - they frighten me.

To quote Homer Simpson, "You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my tv loud and my homosexuals FLAMING!"

supertiff said...

i work at a sports bar. i want to tell you that straight men scare me, but i don't want to make massive sweeping generalizations.

Stephen Rader said...

supertiff - Massively over-generalize! Please!

I'm like Clairee in STEEL MAGNOLIAS: "If you don't have anything nice to say about somebody, come sit by me." :)

supertiff said...

ha! i quote that line all the time!

Thomas MacEntee said...

Hah! Murphy's is ok but High-Tops used to be the place to pick up curious and drunk straight boys right around closing time. Now that it is becoming a Harry Caray's in the Spring, I don't think it'll be the same.

Michael said...

A co-worker was talking about this at lunch yesterday. I busted out laughing. Then I had to explain myself. The look on his face? Priceless...............

Stephen Rader said...

Thomas - Yeah. After it becomes Harry Caray's, we'll be able to pick up curious and drunk straight sports announcers who older than Elaine Stritch and Phyllis Diller - - combined. But hey, a date's a date in my book.

Michael - You mean they don't know?!? Some homo has pulled a glorious trick on the straight world and encouraged them to name this little game Cornholing. That man deserves a big ol' gay award. Like a Tony, but less gay.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

LOL!