TMI Tuesday

TMI Tuesday #6. Some good ones this week.

1. Define "infidelity" as it relates to a relationship. Have you ever been guilty of infidelity? Have you ever been the victim of infidelity? Have you ever been a participant in someone else's infidelity?

"Infidelity" - The act of not being... ummm... Fidel? Castro? I don't know the definition. Who am I? Funken-Wagnel?

I would say that infidelity is breaking the rules established by both you and your partner in your relationship. Yes, this could be cheating on your wife by sleeping with your secretary, or it could be more complex. Like...

"Our agreement was that we could have any sex we wanted with anyone we wanted, but kissing is too intimate and therefore not allowed. And you were kissing him. It's over!"

One relationship's infidelity is another relationship's "I'm so jealous you hooked up with HIM!! Tell me all the hot details and don't leave out a thing!!" No one needs to understand your relationship except the person who is in that relationship with you. Period.

And as for those other questions: Yes, yes and yes. Why have I done these things? Because I am alive on the planet. Who could answer "No" to all of those questions?!?

Yes, okay, "Jesus," but other than that...?


2. What is the last thing you stole?

A cockring from a "gentleman caller." Not a good one. Just one of those crappy, $3 rubber ones.

Of course, saying I "stole" it is stretching it a bit (pun intended). "He left it at my place and I consider it 'Payment In Full' for 'Services Rendered'" is more to the point.


3. Name one place in your country that you have never been but would like to visit and why.

San Francisco. But I don't dare visit.

Because I know deep down that I will pull a "Mary Ann Singleton" within the first five minutes of arriving. I would call Chicago, quit my job, tell my friends to ship my stuff west and I would be off to find an apartment that has a joint taped to the door welcoming me to my new home.

Why is that a bad thing? Well, with the cost of living there, I would probably have to become a porn star to make ends meet. And I've SO done that already, right?


4. What movies can you watch over and over again?

A bizarre assortment: SMOKEY & THE BANDIT, WAITING FOR GUFFMAN, CASABLANCA, ARTHUR and 'NIGHT MOTHER.

Yep, those are the ones.

What can you tell from this list? Well in order as they appear in the list above: I'm a redneck, I'm a theatre person, I'm a romantic at heart, I love Liza when she has a good script to work with and at times, my depression and loneliness are overwhelming, and yet they seem absolutely invisible to everyone around me.


5. Who is the last person you saw naked?

You want his NAME? I just tryin' to get laid and I'm supposed to ask his NAME in between teeth placement, unhinging my jaw and breathing through my nose? Geez...

Well, I don't know his name, but his screen name was "BamaRamaBigDong." Does that help?


Bonus (as in optional): In honor of the 237 reasons we have sex study. Tell us at least five but not more than ten reason you have had sex.

1) Because I was horny. (Isn't this ALWAYS the reason?!?)

2) Because I paid good money for a cross-town cab ride and I'm going to get SOMETHING out of this "That Wasn't A Recent Picture of you AT ALL, dude!" hookup if it kills me!

3) Because he wanted to and I loved him.

4) Because I realized that if I didn't, he would be sad, then bitchy, then mean, then violent.

5) Because it was the perfect first date and when I told him I didn't want to spoil it by sleeping with him on the first date, he told me that what was happening between us was beautiful and nothing could spoil that at all.

And he was right.

See? I am a romantic at heart.