Saturday, February 28, 2009

"If Your Phone Can Fart, You're Part of the Problem"

With my comic book purchases hovering around $25 a week and with my recent purchase of a Watchmen action figure, I obviously understand and approve of "comfort purchases," but... 


Is it popular because that ridiculous commercial has turned it into a kitschy, hip, ironic purchase? Or are massive amounts of people really in love with, what the Boy from Florida perfectly described as...

"A robe worn backwards."

That's really all it is. A robe. Worn backwards. Meaning the opening is in the back. Like a friggin' hospital gown worn at home. That's what I want to do. Wear a puffy hospital gown over my clothes at home. Since hospital gowns are so comfortable, practical and "snuggie."

Yet, Facebook groups have been created around Snuggies. TimeOut Chicago has set up a reader photo gallery for Chicago Snuggie owners. The Chicago Tribune features articles about a local Snuggie bar crawl

So much media attention for an item that you've had for a long time and chose only to wear with the opening in the front. Ah, the simple days when you referred to this undiscovered gift from God as merely a "robe." How you carelessly left it hanging on a hook (never once thinking it could be worn backwards... how simple-minded we all were), and attempted to watch tv while periodically struggling with your non-sleeved, obsolete, Betamax, 8-track, "John McCain-like" blanket as it shifted inches out of place every time you used your remote control. 

The blanket moved, your arms were exposed to your home's cruel, 72 degree temperature for a few seconds. Seconds filled with despair and anguish... Job had it easier than this... FEMA was called...

Come on, this blanket / backwards robe is nice, but it's no ShamWow

But when faced with unemployment, mortgage foreclosure and unpaid bills, escapism is needed. During the Great Depression...

...Will we call it "Great Depression One" now? Or "GD1" for short?...

...Americans escaped at the movies. Champagne... art deco... Fred Astaire...

30's escapism? Fred & Ginger in "Top Hat."  21st century escapism? The Snuggie. Which means, "We suck."

Maybe not but is this the escape we need? Do we need more escape? Our modern heads are so far up our 21st century asses with Twitter and Facebook and Blogger...

...See? I'm not just a critic of escapist technology, I'm also a contributor!...

...that, in a sense, we have almost too many ways to escape. We don't have to go to the movies, the movies come to us. And with the whole country Twittering, who's gonna drive the damn bus?

Maybe Bill Maher. Hell, if he makes it through three back-to-back debates with Ann Coulter over three consecutive days in three different cities, he deserves a medal, a Tetanus shot AND the keys to the bus. Check out last night's final "New Rule" on Real Time.



P.S. Anybody up for getting tickets to the Maher / Coulter Celebrity Deathmatch here in Chicago on March 11th? Too much Ann Coulter live and in person might be hazardous, though.

I wonder if the Chicago Theatre will stuff complimentary vomit bags inside each Playbill...?

7 comments:

yellowdog granny said...

people are so fucking stupid...just put the robe on backwards..dipshits.

Elizabeth said...

If you haven't seen this parody, check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y
(YDG sent me)

Prospero said...

I'm only slightly embarassed to admit that I own the original version of the Snuggie; the Slanket. I bought my mother one for Christmas last year, and liked it so much, I bought one for myself. It is very warm and soft and is actually one of the very few blankets I've found that is long enough to cover my feet. On a very cold Northeastern February night, it's the next best thing to snuggling with a hot man. It is most definitely not a backwards robe. I've never seen a seven foot long robe. Though I don't imagine the Snuggie is as nice as the Slanket.

Avenjer said...

OMG. My work bought snuggies for us. Let me tell you they are long and will cover you but, they are a static cling nightmare. Every time you go to move you sound like a bug zapper with all the static clicking and cracking. Some people spray static guard on themselves before wearing their snuggie. Also, the thing is soft but very stiff fabric like felt. And after 15 minutes you are boiling hot and can't wait to get the static crackling, stiff, hot thing off. Wear a robe. Or get a man to lay on top of you---but not at the office.

Avenjer said...

OMG. My work bought snuggies for us. Let me tell you they are long and will cover you but, they are a static cling nightmare. Every time you go to move you sound like a bug zapper with all the static clicking and cracking. Some people spray static guard on themselves before wearing their snuggie. Also, the thing is soft but very stiff fabric like felt. And after 15 minutes you are boiling hot and can't wait to get the static crackling, stiff, hot thing off. Wear a robe. Or get a man to lay on top of you---but not at the office.

dirk.mancuso said...

Snuggies are just a huge example of how stupid the general population is. (Electing George W. Bush twice is another...)

yellowdog granny said...

ahh, dirk ....you always were the smart one.