Friday, February 27, 2009

Fratboy Friday

This is going to sound extremely gay (well, gay-ER than usual), but I have no choice. 

I mean, when Beyonce sings "Top Hat, White Tie and Tails" at the Oscars wearing Jessica Rabbit's red sequined, "Hello Dolly!" show choir outfit...

...Not that she didn't look GORGEOUS. She did! But how? How did she do it? How did she pull off an outfit that would look like a Bob Mackie dishtowel on ANYBODY else?!?...

...dancing cheek-to-cheek with Hugh "Wolverine / Peter Allen" Jackman, while Zack Efron dances/poses (a.k.a. "Vogues") in the background beside Vanessa Hudgens, who, in her meant-to-be sexy fishnet stockings and a black tailcoat, looks more like a magician's assistant, if that magician was, for some reason, performing at a Hooters... in Jersey...

All of that boils down to one thing - - it's getting hard to tell the breeders from the queers.

So, to prove I'm a Kinsey 6, here's a musically captioned Fratboy Friday...


"Smack it, whack it, let your hand rotate.
"Show it, blow it, put it in your pocket for a future date!"

(Anybody know this song? These lyrics are supposedly about saying hello with a "high five" instead of a handshake. Sure. "And I am Marie of Romania.")



...uh... ummm... "M"...

Damn, we don't know it. Line?





"Here she is boys! Here she is world!
"Here's ROSE!"

Yes, after the beer kicked in, Trent's version of "Rose's Turn" was really brilliant. 

Mainly because he was naked after the first 12 bars. 
And because he would dry hump you if you ignored his performance but stared at his crotch.

Hell, his crotch WAS his performance, but still, he sang it well. 

Better than Roz Russell. Which isn't really a compliment, but that's all I got...

Sure, he's an easy drunk lay with a nice package, but he's no Tyne Daly!


Anonymous said...

An actual conversation overheard in my high school playwriting class:
Straight Male A: No, I liked the Oscars. Did you see Beyonce?
Straight Male B: Yeah. And Hugh Jackman? I'd totally go gay for him.
Straight Male A: What?
Straigh Male B: Did you see that second medley?
Straight Male A: Yeah... yeah, i guess you have a point.

I kid you not. Demonstrating again why parents have so long feared the corrupting power of musical theatre.

Stephen Rader said...

Ian - And you know, if Hugh Jackman doesn't dance butch enough for the American public, who does?!? Hell, when I just walk a straight line, my hips scream, "Sasha Fierce! Sasha Fierce!" :)

Glen.h said...

This is what we really want from the Oscars, isn't it? Something that goes beyond gay into a new zone of fabulousness unseen by man before!

Kevin said...


The reason I love you, Stephen Rader. Internetically.