Sunday, February 01, 2009

"Soothe Me With Your Caress, Sweet Marahuana"

Oh, Michael...

Michael, Michael, Michael...

(Mr. Phelps, if you're nasty)

Some random asshole with a camera phone captures this picture of you sucking on a bong and now you're in the thick of it.

All those fans, all those sponsorships. I guess we'll soon see what is more powerful - - their disdain for drugs and drug users or their love of you and your "Get Him a Band-Aid, Cause He's CUT!" abs.

But really, you don't need that bong, sweetie.

I mean, if you need something else in your mouth to help you practise your breath control, I'm here for you.

And I'm much thicker than that bong. Just sayin'...

8 comments:

Shirley! said...

I know it's him. It doesn't look like him, but whatever...

I haven't bonged in about 7 years, but I could really go for a homegrown right about now.

philip said...

I really badly want this guy to be like, "yeah, I toked up. And I'm a role model. Not mutually exclusive. Most other role models either owned slaves, beat their wives, or both. FUCK OFF!"

If he said that, I would personally fly to wherever he was and blow him. No lie.

cb said...

What. The fuck. Was he thinking? Mmm, hope that bong hit was worth millions of dollars...

philip said...

Turns out his sponsors are sticking by him, one of which is a Swiss Watch company that said basically who gives a shit? The other is speedo who realizes everyone who owns a speedo is most likely no stranger to weedwater.
Good for Speedo!
Good for whatever foreign watch company that is that makes watches i can't afford!
In the end, he's a young man who took a little bong hit, and it sounds to me like everyone dissappointed by that behavior might need to partake of something to unclench their assholes as well.
Jesus Christ, people are dying all over the world, and THIS is what we concern ourselves with!? Sorry, but I'm disgusted. I sat in an airport today and heard the Michael Phelpps story over and Over and OVER on ESPN, and only twice did I hear the story of the embassy worker who's driver was shot and killed before he was taken hostage. THIS is news, THIS is worth concerning ourselves over.
Some supremely talented teen hits a bong? Not news. Decidedly. Not. News.
Grow up, America.

yellowdog granny said...

I don't really care what he sucks on ..but he'll get away with it...now if that was a black athelete...well, they'd hang him out to dry by his balls.

philip said...

yellowdog granny is right.

Aaron said...

Sadly, Philip and Granny are partially right, but it's more likely that people would see a black athlete toke up and say, "Well what can you expect?" which is even worse.

I personally don't care if Phelps took a bong hit, but he should have known that somebody would capture the image. In the Grand Plan, however, this means less than nothing. Philip's point is a good one--most of our historical role models kept slaves, beat wives and had secret kids. The same goes for many of TODAY'S role models (minus the slaves). It says a lot about the kind of people who look up to them. Getting baked is a trifle by comparison.

He's 23 years old, he's never been just a "normal" kid, since he's been training his whole life, and he did one foolish thing. Get over it, world.

Let the one without sin get stoned first! I mean, cast the first stone...

Mark in DE said...

What? You mean, our Olympic heros aren't perfect?

As cb said, I hope that toke was worth millions (plural) of dollars, cuz that's what he'll lose in lost endorsement deals.