Thursday, February 05, 2009

"I Fought Worse Monsters Than You For Years in Hollywood..."

For the last few days, I've been busier than a publicist working for Blagojevich. I'm exhausted, but I can't let another night go by without passing on a wonderful piece of celebrity snark. You may have already heard about this, but if not...

It seems that the powers that be have decided to remake the classic 60's film, Bonnie and Clyde...


...Because even though the remakes of Psycho, Fun with Dick and Jane, Alfie, The Manchurian Candidate, Invasion (of the Body Snatchers), (The) Poseidon (Adventure), Thunderball (renamed Never Say Never Again 18 years later with Sean Connery starring in BOTH the original and the remake!!!), The Stepford Wives and The Women failed at the box office, producers keep beating the "remake" idea like a dead horse...

...a dead horse that they think they can somehow turn into a cash-filled piñata...


...(Note to Self: Pitch "Dead horse turns into piñata full 'o cash" movie to any producer you meet. Tell them, it's "Rocky" meets "Brewster's Millions")...

...I'm ok with the choice of Kevin Zegers to take Warren Beatty's place as the new Clyde Barrow, but I think one of the Gossip Girl guys would be a better Clyde since Bonnie is - - Hilary Duff.

That's right. Hilary Duff, sporting a gun and a beret (I'm not sure which is scarier), will take Faye Dunaway's place as the new Bonnie Parker.

In other words, Hilary Duff is the new Faye Dunaway.

Because, when you think of Faye Dunaway, you automatically think of Hilary Duff, right?

I guess when Faye thinks of Hilary Duff, she thinks of Pia Zadora because Faye had this so say about Ms. Duff being cast as Bonnie Parker...

"Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?"

Gay Men Please Note: "Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?," is the new "Where is Princess Fire and Music?"

But where Eve Harrington spoke indirectly to Margo Channing though Addison DeWitt's newspaper column, Hilary strikes back at Ms. Dunaway loud and clear in an interview on E! Entertainment Television saying...

"I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don't even know who she is.

"I think it was a little unnecessary, but I might be mad if I looked like that now, too."

Good one, Hilary, good one. But sweetie, have you SEEN Mommie Dearest? Do you know the damage Faye Dunaway can do with a just one can of Bab-O?

Watch just one scene from Supergirl and you'll know that Faye is playing hockey with a warped puck.

Hilary, my therapist once told me (after I told my ex during a fight that I thought he was manic-depressive) that "You can't tell crazy people that they're crazy; it just pisses them off." You just told a crazy ACTRESS of a "certain age" that she's UGLY. On camera!!!

We've seen the damage Faye can do to her own career and she LIKES her career. Imagine what she's got in store for you.

Hilary, take my advice and let Faye make fun of your acting. Seriously, let it go and think of it this way: When the woman acting in the scene below tells the world that you can't act, the way I see it, that's a compliment just shy of an Oscar.

13 comments:

Kevin said...

Well just think how everyone will cheer when she gets shot at the end.

That is, if everyone hasn't walked out by that point.

Java said...

Zowie! That clip is powerful! "Don't fuck with me, fellows! This isn't my first time in the rodeo!" I like Faye Dunaway. Who the hell is Hilary Duff?

Project Christopher said...

OH
HELL
NO!

I just can't say anything else. Hillary Duff was like the high school kids that you see at McDonalds. They're annoying, but what are you gonna do.

NOW... Hillary has made a big target on a bed of cow poop and she's steppin' in it BIG TIME!

(well, I guess I COULD say something else huh?)

Aaron said...

Kevin Zegers as Clyde??

Oh, fuck no.

Hillary Duff as Bonnie?

Ya might as well at this point.

"My fans won't know who she is." Well, Hill, they won't know who YOU are in a few years, either, so maybe you two can share a room at the Obscuratorium.

Seriously, she's an immature little twat if she can't rise above this and show more class than to poke fun at Dunaway's age and looks. Is that all she's got? Try proving her WRONG instead.

(Oh--she can't, can she? Whoops. My bad.)

yellowdog granny said...

i can see it now..people staying away from the movie by the thousands..im surprised ole fay hasnt hunted her down and whipped her spunky ass with a wire coathanger...

Michael said...

Can't.....talk....too....angry.....

Anonymous said...

It's not a remake of the film. It is a re-imaging of the story. It's history and last time I checked that was free to retell in different forms.

"Just David!" said...

"Where is Princess Fire and Music?", I'd forgotten all about that line, very funny indeed!

Mark in DE said...

Kevin Zegers looks about 15 years old. How's he supposed to be convincing as Clyde?

What??? Hillary Duff dissing Fay Dunaway???? Oh, no she di'nt! Fay Dunaway will mop the floor with Hillary's (color treated) head.

cb said...

if you keep ripping on my girl Hillary, then I may just have to go all "Bale" on your ass!!

Scooter said...

Any part that Faye plays is forever Faye. I can't imagine anyone else playing Joan in Mommie Dearest...not even Joan!

She is forever Bonnie Parker, Evelyn Cross Mulwray, Milady, and Marilyn Mickler.

just me said...

Bonnie and Clyde is one of the movies I watch every time it comes on. It is a perfect movie, like Lawrence of Arabia, and it should be left alone. Maybe we could all write letters?? Send emails?? Don't go see Ms. Duff make her rotten tomatoes debute?? (how do you spell that word, debute ??)

just me said...

Next thing you know they'll do a remake of "Baby Jane" as in Whatever happened to with Anne Hathaway and Kate Hundson.....please, someone, hold my head while I throw up!!

Somehow, every time I think of Joan Crawford I see here looking at that rat in her plate and hear Bette laughing her ass off....