Sunday, February 15, 2009

"Who Are You? Who, Who, Who, Who...?"

A month or so after I started this blog, I decided that I would use my full name in my profile.

One of the reasons I list my full name is that I stand by what I write in these posts. Obviously, with things like Fratboy Friday and My New Imaginary Boyfriend, this blog is more Hot House Video than Huffington Post, but even though most of my opinions aren't highly political, they are still my opinions.

And frankly, for a shy, fat little Southern boy who never stood up to fag-bashing bullies and who never raised his voice in anger or even in disagreement because of his fear of conflict and the need to keep everybody happy - - for that kid to grow up, form his own opinions, write those (possibly unpopular) opinions down and then, sign his name to them and claim them as his own...

Well, I think I've come a long way, baby.

That's why I'm not overly upset when someone disagrees with one of my opinions on this blog. Even when the person leaves a comment that attacks me, mocks the things I enjoy, belittles my work and accuses me of being a pedophile.

This is a comment that I received regarding my dislike of Facebook's 25 Random Things...

"How ironic, since your blog is basically a glorified status update, generally saying the same things over and over.

"Robin fetish, how loenly (sic) you are, how your acting career is retarded childrens shows, and your sexual preference, which so far, seems short on sex with underage boys.

"I guess if people can get their fix with facebook, it takes attention away from you. Waaa waaa."

When I first read that, all I could think of was that line from the movie Roxanne where a guy calls Steve Martin's character "Big Nose" and Steve says...

"What a waste of an opportunity! Well, I mean, you've got someone standing in front of you with THIS, and all you can think of is 'Big Nose'?!"

Big ass, bald head, pasty skin. Come on, buddy, I'm giving you SO much to work with here!!!

And while I disagree that my posts are nothing more than "status updates," if this person has read so much of my blog for so long a time that they can identify the recurring themes of my work, and yet, they don't enjoy what they've read, then why do they continue to read it?

As for the second paragraph, I will admit that I'm a comic book geek with a bizarre attraction to the Boy Wonder and my theatre career has seen better days, but my sex life has never and will never include underage boys. If this person had ended that sentence a little earlier, as in "...your sexual preference, which so far, seems short on sex.," they would have been three for three.

It's so funny to me that people don't think I know the bizarro, messed up world that is my own life. Yes, I'm a geek, I'm gay, I'm single, I'm lonely, I've gained weight, I'm bald and my career is in the toilet. But I claim each and every one one of those things. They're all me. They're mine to be sad about and mine to laugh at.

The person who left this comment read those things because I wrote them. They can't hurt me with them because I've already claimed them.

But the person who left the comment above didn't claim their own words or opinions or personal attacks. They chose, when they left the comment, to be "anonymous."

And that says more about that person than all the posts in my entire blog say about me.

P.S. I'm off to change my status message on Facebook to "Stop getting your fix on Facebook, it's taking attention away from my blog!"


Kevin said...

For every person that dislikes what you have to say, there are 100 more that like it. I've learned a lot about you, Stephen, and I like what I have seen (even if a few things have frightened me and made me tremble).

I'm glad to know you.

And I am not saying it anonymously.

Shirley!...or is it Kevin? said...

You're perfect.

Anonymous said...

Perfect sweetie. GREAT! It's all about what you know is yours, and you know is somebody else's.

All that stuff that person wrote has NOTHING to do with you. Honestly. It has everything to do with them. They might as well be speaking into a mirror.

Love you


McCool said...

i'm betting on the EX...

the hobbit said...

Girl, she's just bitter because she sent you the tag and you called her out! And she doesn't have big enough titties to deal with it.

I say this as one who lives and breathes Facebook unapologetically.

Anonymous can lick my digital coochie.

Alanda said...

Listen up "Anonymous": You're a Stupid-Head Coward!
Love you, Rader! xoxo

Mike Hatton said...

You go girl! I've taken off my ear rings and press on nails... let's kick some anonymous butt!

What a wonderful soul you are Stephen... I knew that from the very beginning. Thanks for always being unapologetically YOU!

ayem8y said...

I’ll never understand why the general public is so misinformed about homosexuals. People fear the unknown. Rather than read, research, or investigate, they assume. They assume that because I’m gay and appreciate a young healthy body that I actually stand a chance to experience one or even want to? Like anyone under the age of twenty-five would seriously be interested in a forty-five year old, other than for money of which I have none. They assume that because I’m gay that I’m totally perverted and devoid of morals. They assume or rather are instructed by religious zealots, preachers, and churches that the homosexual is a sinful deviant that preys on innocent children. Down here in the South it’s straight women elementary school teachers that are doing all the deviant sexual abusing of underage children. Gay men are far less likely to abuse a child and last I heard you only had to be eighteen to be considered an adult. Facebook like myspace before it and frienster before it has become the new stalking playground of the abusive anonymous predator. Blog trolls. I’m always suspicious when an anonymous person leaves anonymous messages accusing someone of illicit behavior. It raises the red flag. Is this an effort to cast suspicion away from their own illicit behavior?

Stephen Rader said...

Thanks guys. I greatly appreciate all that positive energy after reading the "anonymous" comment.

ayem8y - I hadn't thought of it that way, but I think you're right. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

And you're SO right about a 20-something not having any interest AT ALL in anyone over 30. And I'm over 30. I might as well be Claude friggin' Rains as invisible as I am to them.

Thank you all! Very much!

Shirley!...or is it Kevin? said...

"They assume or rather are instructed by religious zealots, preachers, and churches that the homosexual is a sinful deviant that preys on innocent children."

....meanwhile, one could substitute the word "homosexual" with "priest" and that statement would be MUCH more accurate.

"Just David!" said...

The drama of it all!

philip said...

Yes to everything everyone's said and all the encouragement, but Stephen I really only have one question:

Who mows your nose hair?
;) P.

whimsical brainpan said...

"They chose, when they left the comment, to be 'anonymous.'
And that says more about that person than all the posts in my entire blog say about me."

Ain't that the truth!

Kevin said...

Please note: as of late I've had a rash (well, not a rash rash -- that cleared up) of 20-somethings hitting on me -- and it's NOT for the money. I'm not sure what it is, but it's not the money.

And that's not me bragging -- it's me saying WTF?

Anonymous said...

Hi Stephen,

Long time lurker popping up to tell you (as I probably should have before) how much I enjoy your posts. Many times they bring a smile to my face just when I need it. And don't worry too much about the haters. The internet breeds a species of schoolyard bully who, I strongly suspect, has little life of their own, and only feels big when criticizing others. As a writer, I've encountered this more times than I can name, with vicious attacks on my work designed merely to be humorous on someone's blog. Yet many of these people keep on reading my books (I know this, because they continue to leave lousy reviews with each and every one). I can tell you for certain that your writing is smart, funny and always entertaining. And for the record, I think your accomplishments are pretty darned impressive. You live by doing what you love. How many can say that?


Karen C.

Aaron said...

I'm sure the genetic tragedy who left that comment has been a long-time lurker who was too busy to leave a comment because he was too busy two-finger masturbating with one hand and picking his nose with the other...

You couldn't have explained any better WHY anonymous comments don't hurt us. Anybody who chooses anonymity on a comment board, when they could just as easily sign a name (even a FAKE one), without leaving a link, deserves to be invisible as well. Your blog is terrific, and so are you!

(As far as the 20-somethings, I never wanted one even when I was IN my 20s. Always dug the older guys more: hotter, nicer, less vain and WAY more experienced. None of that posturing and fumbling around for them! Woo hoo!)

Misster Kitty said...

wait... you're GAY?!?!?!?

Prospero said...

You already know how I feel about your blog, darlin'! You keep offering up your opinions and I'll keep reading 'em! Those sad troll-bitches get off on belittling anonymously because they don't have the balls to admit to their own inadaquacies (I'm sure that's spelled wrong). Love ya!

Bob said...

This is so interesting. I just updated my facebook status about how annoyed I was to be reading articles against the 25 things. All those articles (I've discovered around five so far) come off as snooty and far less interesting than any 25 list thing I've read over the past three weeks.

However, you are not snooty or uninteresting. You seem like good people. That anonymous poster is a tool. Ignore them. It's just someone trolling.

Java said...

What I like best is how you are honest about yourself, faults and all, and aren't afraid to say what you think. Oh, hey, that sounds like me! Funny how that works, huh?

Project Christopher said...

I could only repeat all the good wishes you've read already, but I would like to add one thing. Granted, your ACTING career may not be where you'd like it, but please do not generalize your life by saying your career is in the toilet. What you do for a living (Season of Concern) is far from being in the toilet. No, you're not AFC, but who wants to be. No, you're not up for a Nobel Prize for humanitarian efforts, but even Mother T said it was anticlimactic getting it. If you help 5 people live easier through your job you've done 10,000 times more for the world than half the detractors to your blog.

Keep on honey!

cb said...

Whoops. I didn't mean to misspell "lonely". My bad.


Mike said...

Okay, this crap isn't worth a response, but I've been thinking about this post since I read it yesterday, and I think what bugs me the most -- other than further proof of the anonymous asshole Internet phenomenon -- is that it's not even really that accurate. While you may have particular topics that you come back to again and again, you really don't focus on the things he mentioned that often.

Also, no offense, following a blog takes a lot of work. If this person is so bugged by you, why do they waste their time?

Also, liking Facebook is fine -- but being an asshole to defend it is fucking pathetic.

Okay, that's all. As you can see, I was maybe bugged by this more than you were.

AJohnP said...

Keep doing what you're doing.

May that anonymous train wreck die a slow and painful death in front of the Commodore 64 in her parent's basement.

Jason said...

But Anonymous does have a point that a blogger hating on 25 random things and status update doesn't make much sense. Essentially they're both ways for people to connect and share with others. Just like nobody forces someone to read a blog, nobody forces anyone to read a status updates or post on facebook.
If a status updater is highly narcissistic then a blogger most certainly is. I don't really think either is though.


philip said...

Um.. .can I stand up 20-somethings? Some of us aren't vapid. I mean I do happen to be totally vapid and 24-hour wasted, but it's not because I'm a 20-something. It's because I'm obnoxiously rich and nothing better to do. Hollers!

just me said...

Its been my experience that no matter what you do, or who you are, there's going to be some asshole hating on you and digging up reasons to validate their hate. My standard response to this has always been "Fuck em!"

I find you to be an articulate, caring, and intelligent man, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being any of the following: "a geek, I'm gay, I'm single, I'm lonely, I've gained weight, I'm bald and my career is in the toilet", though I do hope your career picks up. These are the very things that make you so adorable to anyone who has a clue about you.

Though the comments make me want to open up a can of good old redneck "whoop-ass", I will defer to you, and dismiss them as the rantings of an obviously envious little bastard with nothing better to do than project their own feelings about themselves onto others.

Love you Stephen.