Sunday, February 22, 2009

"Two Penises and Two Vaginas Don't Work."

Once again, someone wrote a comment on my blog and... well...

I'm not sure if the commentor is a homophobe, a size queen or just someone who creates interesting internet spam... Someone whose medication is way, WAY off...

Remember when Margot Kidder's manic depression overtook her, leaving her delusional and homeless in just 4 days? Well if during those four days, Margot had snorted OxyContin with Rush Limbaugh and Anne Heche dated her and then dumped her, that would match this commentor's current mental condition.

Unless this person simply disdains homosexuals almost as much as they love a big, fat, juicy 12-inch piece of man meat.


You're confused, I know. Well, just read the comment. This was left on my "Happy Birthday" post for Chris...

"'Oppositional behavior is an integral part of homosexuality. I’m very certain that people who have same-sex attractions suffer from arrested development…. The penis and the vagina fit together. Two penises and two vaginas don’t work.' — Richard Cohen, Pres. of Parents & Friends of Ex-Gays."

Pretty straight forward "Homosexuals Are Unnatural" kind of stuff. To which, I say to Mr. Cohen...

"You're right. Two penises don't fit together. Now, could you bend over and pick up that bar of soap for me?"

When I first saw that comment, I was thinking about how the abbreviated name of Mr. Cohen's group of ex-gay parents and friends is "PFEG," which sounds like someone zurburting and then saying the word, "fag" ("Pfffftt... Fag...," which is what I would probably say to someone if they told me they were an "Ex-Gay"), when I clicked on name of the commentor's name, Jennifer. The link took me to a site specializing in "Penis Enlargement Methods." 

So to recap, a woman named Jennifer embedded the link to a penis enlargement site in a comment on my blog in which she quoted the father of a man who is telling the world he "prayed the gay away." Uh-huh... So much to talk about...


1) The term "Ex-Gay" is ridiculous, nonsensical and should not be trusted. 

"Ex-Gay" is like "Peacekeeper Missile." Or "I'll Only Stick the Head In." Or "President Palin." All you have to do is watch the Ted Haggarts and the Larry Craigs of the world to realize that you can't change the core of your being. Nothing will change that. "Not all your prayers to your God, not all the analysis you can buy in all the years you've got left to live," as Harold says in The Boys in the Band

Your friends can't change it and your parents can't change it either. You are who you are and you love who you love. When your parents and friends refuse to accept you for who you are... well, that's when things get dangerous. 

Which brings us to...


2) "The PARENTS and FRIENDS of Ex-Gays"?!? 

Not to knock a support group, but who and what, exactly, are they supporting? Are they supporting each other and their gay/ex-gay loved ones? Or are they ganging up on the homosexuals in their lives and using the power of the many against the one to shove their "loved ones" back in the closet?  

Since PFEG's president, Richard Cohen, was permanently expelled from the American Counseling Association for ethics violations such as "fostering dependent counseling relationships" and "exploiting the trust and dependency of clients," I would say it's the latter.

And beyond that, does anyone in this group really believe that the loved who refers to himself as "The Heterosexual Formerly Known as Sasha Fierce!" is actually telling the truth?

These gay men and lesbians have been lying for years. To everybody. Including themselves. Because their family and friends let it be known early on that they do not accept homosexuals into their lives.

So, when telling the truth will alienate you from your friends and family, you learn how to lie. You learn how to lie very well. And the person who suffers for it is you.


3) And as for "Jennifer" suggesting that my penis needs enlarging, pictures speaks louder than words.

Go to photographer Ron Volanti, Jr.'s site, click "Enter," go into the "Galleries," scroll down and you will see me. All of me. 

That's right, that's my package. Now, does it look like it needs more length, width or stimulus?!? You're welcome.


P.S. If some of the ex-gay men from "PFEG" find this post, click over to Ron's site, see those naked pictures of me and realize that they are gay after all, do I get full points for recruiting them? Or just partial points for helping guide them back into the flock?



11 comments:

Java said...

I'd say just partial points, since they are re-gay instead of newly gay. What kind of toaster? Can I recruit gays, too, even though I'm not technically gay myself? I need a new toaster.

whimsical brainpan said...

I'll keep saying this until the day I die; the human capacity for stupidity never ceases to amaze me.

I don't know why this is, it is everywhere and quite apparent.

the replicant said...

There's a free toaster? Nobody ever tells me anything!

Avenjer said...

Your stimulus package looks nice and healthy to me. OMG! I think you've just turn me gay! :)

yellowdog granny said...

people that think like that make my ass hurt....


uh...wait..that's your line..


did you watch the oscars and hear sean penn's speach? it was wonderful..i was weeping like a baby...

Anatomicsd said...

Can I have that package delivered by Express Mail? Leather optional...

Project Christopher said...

I didn't go back and read all the comments (yet) but all I can say is... he was just wishing me a happy birthday PFEG. Can he just do that??

Please...

Mike said...

I was going to intentionally misread the comment and make some joke about how if your penis doesn't work, I don't care if your gay anyway. But you managed to take care of the comment yourself.

And I was going to make some sort of clever commentary about letting your friends, not some random Internet comment, speak for whether or not you need Extenz or whatever latest dick-enlongating thing is out there, but you took care of that too since a picture is worth a 1000 of my words...or at least those pictures (I'm assuming; I'm at work so I don't think it'd be wise to click thru)

So if you're going to do such a good job defending yourself, I don't have much to add, except to say, thanks to the PFEG people.

Seriously.

I believe that my Grandma checked out their website and literature back when she was still trying to come to terms with one of her grandson's being a fag and she saw one of them on TV. And I'm pretty sure it was their stupid misuse of her beloved Scripture and the rest of their ugly attitude that convinced her to find a way to love me and mine just the way I am, no matter what her fellow "Christians" seemed to preach. I like to think she would have come to that conclusion eventually anyway, but, like I said, I'm pretty sure they sped up the process.

Aaron said...

I wish I could deliver arguments as thoroughly and neatly as you, Stephen. I tend to prefer the "lash-out-and-leave-'em-bleeding" technique. Which bruises my knuckles and stains my nails.

Although there is no educating these people (none so blind as those who Will Not See), you have effectively made anything they subsequently say sound stupid before it even passes the stage where it forms in their primate throats as an ugly, gutteral grunt. (Assuming, of course, that it ever even passes that stage. I'm not convinced that it does.)

Palm Springs Savant said...

yeah, there are some crazies out there for sure...how bizarre!

just me said...

You already know what I'm gonna say....Fuck em! (Though a wonderful read, and loved the pix!!)