A couple of years ago, I was waiting in line at the Walgreen's on Belmont and Broadway, when a man walked into the store and stopped dead in his tracks the second he saw the Valentine's Day aisles.
Yes, that's "aisles," plural. As in "more than one." Apparently, one store aisle wasn't big enough to hold all the heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, all the doily-covered cards, and all the different versions of "Sweethearts" tarts.
So of course the man stopped in his tracks. It was too much to take in. Especially when you realize that it was only January 2nd.
And because it was only the second day of the new year, the man stood there in front of the Valentine's Day aisles, let out a deep sigh and said in a loud booming voice...
"Valentine's Day? FUCK!!!"
Then, he bravely tried to walk to the back of the store. I don't know if he ever made it out or not.
For the record, after you have lived through Thanksgiving and Christmas, and New Year's Day was YESTERDAY, the ONLY reaction to have when you see the phrase "Be Mine" on ANYTHING is "Valentine's Day? FUCK!!!"
If your reaction is "Valentine's Day? COOL BEANS!!!," may I suggest this...
P.S. Speaking of "corn syrup and white bread," my favorite breakfast when I was a kid...
...and, truth be told, it's still my favorite breakfast to this day...
...was something I first had in elementary school when I spent the night at my friend Mark's place.
(Get your filthy mind away from that mental image before Chris Hanson knocks on your door, you perv.)
For breakfast, Mark's mother made a peanut butter sandwich with white bread, laid it onto a plate, cut it into small cubes and then covered it in maple syrup.
She called it a "syrup sandwich." As my Daddy says, "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out!"
Now, you understand my love of Paula Deen, don't you?