Sunday, March 01, 2009

"This Time, There's No Stopping Us!"

My brother, Jeff, was in L.A. this weekend. 

I really shouldn't say why he's in L.A., but perhaps you'll figure the "why" out when I tell you that the man he is visiting and staying with has a last name for his first name. You know, like Anderson Cooper.  So, you know he comes from money. And he has money. And grey hair. Possibly. 

I haven't seen Mr. L.A.'s picture, but Jeff told me his friend plays water polo. He's staying with a rich, water polo player.  So, basically... 

"Cross Country Booty Call, your table is now available. 
Cross Country Booty Call..."

And you know what? "'Atta girl!" I'm happy for him. But last night, this rich, gay water polo player took my brother to a real, honest-to-God Hollywood party. I defrosted my freezer last night. It's apples and oranges, basically.

I got to hear all about Jeff's first Hollywood party, though. Via text message. The first one said...

"hey! we are going to a party at marc cherry's house!!!!"

I guess the hours I had spent scraping away the miniature ice planet of Hoth in my kitchen caused my brain to go numb. I saw Jeff's text and thought...

"Jeff, you don't attend a neighborhood party in the middle of an out-of-town booty call. Especially if you paid your own air fare. Out-of-town booty calls are for hittin' it and gettin' it, over and over. It's sort of like devouring 11 or 12 full plates of food at an All-U-Can-Eat buffet to make sure you get your money's worth. 

"But, I guess going to a party with his water polo teammates would be fun. Who is this Marc Cherry guy? Is he a water polo star athlete or something? I'll be he's hot...

"It would be kind of funny to sleep with a guy named Marc Cherry. If you were the top, I mean. And he was a virgin. You could go around telling people, 'I popped Marc Cherry's...' 

"HOLY FUCKBALLS! That's why I know that name! Marc Cherry is the creator / producer / writer for Desperate Housewives

"I don't know him through sex, 
I know him through Brie Van de Kamp Hodge!!!"

I immediately sent Jeff a text congratulating him. 

Then, I asked him to tell Mr. Cherry that I love how the title of almost every episode of Desperate Housewives comes from a Stephen Sondheim song or, more recently, a Sondheim lyric phrase.

For instance, the episode after the pilot is named "Ah, But Underneath," which is the name of a song Sondheim wrote for the 1987 London production of Follies

It was sung by Diana Rigg in that production. It replaced the song "The Story of Lucy and Jessie."

How do I know all of this? I'm gay... I live alone... It's complicated...

Jeff told Mark Cherry that I loved his Sondheim titles. And Mark said he was glad that I enjoyed his use of Sondheim. 

Or as the Wicked Stepsisters in Sondheim's Into the Woods sing, "We're so happy you're so happy."

I love that Jeff actually told him. But I really love the text Jeff sent to me 20 or 30 minutes after he had arrived at his first Hollywood party...

"remember when laverne and shirley went to shotz manor? that's me."

I replied with my favorite bit of dialogue from that episode, the pilot episode of Laverne & Shirley...

Rich, Society Woman: "Well, I never..."

Shirley: "It shows, honey."

And Jeff, since Marc Cherry started out as Dixie Carter's personal assistant, you are now 2 degrees away from Dixie Carter!!! That's amazing!

Me? Well, I almost have the freezer defrosted. Almost... That's something, I guess...

8 comments:

Mike said...

My bedroom TiVo picked up that episode of Laverne and Shirley recently. I love first season Shirley when she still had a little bite. *

And I love that Jeff made that reference...though I doubt he was invited to the party in order for his host to seem like he was more in touch with the common people.


* - Yes I have an opinion on the character arcs of specific seasons of Laverne and Shirley. So sue me. But don't get me started on Laverne sans Shirley in the final season. So so sad. There's nothing more pathetic than when a lesbian's best friend/roommate finally straightens out and leaves her on her own. I hope that Laverne stopped following her father with her cross country moves and finally moved to San Francisco. We all know what the L on her chest stood for... the L Word.

Aaron said...

Sweetie! What's to defrost? Vodka and poppers, just like every good gay boy's freezer. Really, it hard seems worth the trouble... All My love,
Aaron

Anatomicsd said...

Cross Country Bootie Call with a water polo player. What's become of that sweet, innocent boy?

Project Christopher said...

Jeff sounds like he could so some stand up on his own too huh??

Project Christopher said...

I LOVE the L&S Reference! Sounds like Jeff could do a bit of stand up himself! what a hoot!

Polt said...

Soooo, if your brother is two degrees away from Dixie Carter, that makes you 3 degrees away, and since I know you that makes ME 4 degress away!!!! Sweet.

And to take it a step further, since Dixie used to work for Linda bloodworth, and Linda was a personal friend of Bill Clinton's, that means I'm only 6 degrees away from President Clinton!!!!

Yeah, last night, I cleaned my toilet and tub, so I gotta get my excitement vicariously through your vicarious excitement.

HUGS...

Gallus said...

I work with a Cindy Williams and I always want to call her Shirley. I giggle when i have to call her. I should call her Pinky Toscadero.

yellowdog granny said...

when i used to drink, do drugs and get laid on a regualr occasion..i had a drinking partying buddy and they called us lavern and shirley..our escapes were more notorious than the real l&Sh's could ever be..like the time we went to get potatoes so i could make a real texas breakfast.and we came back 4 hours later drunk and hulcinating...we found a grocery store next to a bar that had a guy who was really cute and had a pocket full of acid...we came running thru the door screaming 'don't pay the ransom,.....we escaped.'..no one would talk to us for days...huh huh...which is damn near how long it took us to come down.