Wednesday, March 18, 2009

"But You've Got to Have Friends..."

I've been in a dark place for quite a long time. Feels like months. Maybe even years.

I slide deeper into it and occasionally, I almost crawl out of it, but it still surrounds me. There are days when the darkness is palpable.

There are days, like the last few days, where I barely make it through work and when I get home, I crash on my couch in all of my clothes and sleep there for the entire night.

I could blame it on a lot of things, but it's me. It's me not getting out. It's me feeling ugly and fat and untalented and stupid. It's me not doing anything to contradict those feelings.

But I'm blessed with friends. Friends like Philip; he checks up on me and is always there when I need to talk. Friends like Karen, who is also there when I need to talk and who, for no reason at all, sent me this picture - - a virtual "group hug"...

Thanks, Karen. It's hard to continue to be depressed after a group hug like that.

13 comments:

Project Christopher said...

And Chris who's going to force you out and laugh at a comedy event this weekend. You WILL be pulled out of your dark place honey... I forbid the words Stephen and Dark Place to be said in the same sentence :)

and stop eating those pork rinds. they're possessed by the evil spirits of the dead pigs! :)

Kevin said...

Stephen, you're not alone out there. You're such a wonderful man and I know how difficult the darkness can be. Focus on the positive. You made it out of bed, you bathed, you spoke to people. You'll get through. Bright lights always cut through the dark.

Anatomicsd said...

How could ANY part of you be "down" after a group hug like that?

Java said...

That is a very nice group hug. I'm glad Karen sent it to you, and I'm most pleased that you are sharing it with the rest of us.

I'm sad for you that you're doing the dark place thing. Dark is not happy. I've been there and it's a bummer. You are blessed with friends who care. For that I'm happy, even if you can't quite match the feeling. That's OK.

Polt said...

Just imagine yourself on the other side, facing that group hug. That oughtta..."perk" up a lot of things! :)

HUGS, sweetie. Stay strong.

POLT

Aaron said...

I know all about dark places. I spent most of last year in one. I'm sorry that you've been dwelling there...at least tell us that yours was MOIST as well. ;-)

My hug isn't as good as that one! But I'm sending it anyway...take heart, it will be warm soon! And there will be sun!

Avenjer said...

Damn it now, you cheer up. Or so help me, I will come up there and hucka the bajeepers out of you young man!:)

Seriously, hang in there sweetie. Maybe, one of these will cheer you up. Hugs...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RqzclCLrP0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7oGx2dImE8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d-5QS8aoMk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENHMJC2o7kQ

Alanda said...

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Michael said...

*Kicks Stephen in the ass*

You are NOT ugly and fat and untalented and stupid.

*Hugs Stephen*

You are beautiful and sexy and super-talented and brilliant.

And we all love you.

Now, when are we going to lunch? :)

james said...

sometimes though, the dark places are useful -- they make you think, allow you to slow things down, but you can't stay too long. i guess there's a thin line between 'what am i doing? what is going on with me? where will i be in a years' time? etc., and "i'm fat and stupid and untalented and why would anyone love me?"

You are none of the latter and you are meaningful to many people's lives. Funny thing is when i turned on my computer this afternoon the first thing i did was turn on the itunes so i could finish listening to your comic book queercast podcast (why don't you kids from the south tan? you're from the south! isn't that second nature to youse?).

So yeah, every so often we've got to turn everything off and sit and not do anything and be lazy. But then you come out of it and you're stronger and better able to handle things for a while and as you go on, you learn from it. So relax, but shake it off, take a hot shower, do things you like and enjoy the world! It's waiting for you!

My friends call me Mitzi said...

*hug*

Anonymous said...

Hurray for summer weather. It brings out the best such as these guys baring all. These beautiful arse cheeks can move on over my way anytime they want. I'd kiss them all and then some.

divaboy1 said...

Muah.