"They Was Long, Lean & Lanky, But They Loved Hanky Panky"

Tomorrow morning (Sunday at 11:00 a.m. Central Time), Turner Classic Movies will be airing L'il Abner, the 1959 movie version of the 1956 Broadway musical.

I have never seen the entire movie before, but my brother, Jeff, was in our high school's production of L'il Abner. And I saw that production. However...

I don't remember much of the plot, many of the songs or which role by brother played. The only thing I remember  - - and my memory of this is vivid! - - is that, at the end of one of his scenes, Jeff had the audience cheering as he was quickly wheeled off stage. 

Now, by "wheeled off stage," I don't mean that he was in a wheelchair. No, "wheeled off stage," means that my brother had another actor pushing him off stage... as he sat... in a wheelbarrow.

Because "Exit sitting in a wheelbarrow," is apparently the East Tennessee high school theatre version of "Exeunt pursued by a bear." Which explains why that exit is my only memory of Jeff's L'il Abner performance. 

I mean, after you watch Shakespeare's "Jump the Shark" moment where a character is chased off the stage by an actor wearing a bad bear costume, your brain won't allow you to remember anything else about The Winter's Tale. To make sure you will pass on that ridiculous stage exit to all of your friends. Sort of an Elizabethan Fail Blog.

So, the L'il Abner movie musical will be mostly new to me. But the little things I do know about it are convincing me that I'm going to love it!

How can you go wrong when Mammy Yokum (the role most casting directors think is a perfect fit for me) is played by Witchiepoo herself, the brilliant Billie Hayes?

What's not to love about Julie Newmar not singing a note or saying a word as Stupefyin' Jones, and yet literally stopping any scene she walks into with that oh-so-hot body of hers?

And then, there's the song below, the song from the show that confirms what I have been saying for years - - that the hottest guys in the bars are, more often than not, the most boring men in bed. 

You know it's true. Those uber-hot guys are like Narcissus if, instead of falling in love with his reflection in the water, Narcissus was constantly looking down, unable to take his eyes off his own abs. 

Give another type of guy a try one night. Oh, I don't know... Maybe a bald, musical theatre actor/blogger. 

Why are we better in bed? It's simple. "We're number 2. We try harder."

Or as the wives sing to the doctors who have changed their skinny but horny husbands into sexless but gorgeous muscle boys, "Put 'Em Back the Way They Was!" A song so wrong in so many ways, it becomes very, very right!