Since the Macy's rebranding, I have yet to buy one single thing from Macy's. Not even a Frango.
And the "No Frangos" thing is killing my mother. For years, I would go home for Christmas with a big box of Frangos for her. Or as she pronounces them, "Fuh-RAIN-goes."
And now, another Chicago icon is changing as the Sears Tower is being renamed Willis Tower.
The Willis Group, a London-based insurance brokerage has been given naming rights to the tower as a part of its deal to relocate area offices to three floors in the building.
Three floors? Just three? Hell, when I first moved to Chicago, I worked for a venture capital firm that took up all of the 95th floor and part of the 96th. And all they got to name was their office, not the whole friggin' building.
Chicagoans don't take this kind of thing lightly. But really, I doubt anyone anywhere would if someone from another city renamed a building closely associated with that community.
Willis Group's chairman and CEO Joseph Plumeri doesn't understand why the name change is so upsetting to people in the Windy City. His response in the Chicago Tribune...
"Would you rather have an iconic building with nobody in it, which doesn't say a lot about Chicago, or someone with enough faith to take the space?
"The headline should be: A company has decided to invest money in Chicago, and if you miss that headline, you've missed the side of the building by a mile and a half."
So, in the spirit of The Daily Show's Jon Stewart, I humbly reply to Mr. Plumeri...
I want Mr. Plumeri, his pale, tea-drinking, scone-eating limey ass, his 500 employees and his "I've got a small dick, so I need to rent 3 floors of the tallest building in the western hemisphere to feel good about my wood" money out of my city. For his own good.
Because soon it will be summer and summer will bring "Bat Night" at Wrigley Field. And if Mr. Plumeri keeps up the snotty, arrogant attitude, me and a few hundred drunken Cubs fan will find that cockney motherfucker, here or in London, and teach him some manners with our Louisville Sluggers.
And for the record, I won't be striking Mr. Plumeri with my baseball bat. But trust me when I say that he will feel it. He will definitely feel it.