Saturday, March 21, 2009

"You Are an Anonymous Bitch!"


...a free version of the Chicago Tribune, scaled- and dumbed-down for the on-the-go, 20-something who never reads newspapers, even when they're free, scaled- and dumbed-down just for them...

...has a section where a "panel of experts passes judgment on the fashion choices of celebrities and Chicagoans alike." It's called Redeye's Wearwolves.


Get it? "Wearwolves" and not "werewolves." God, they're clever and trendy! Careful not to step in my sarcasm.

I despise the Redeye's Wearwolves. Both the section and the "panel of experts" themselves.

Some photographer from the Redeye goes to a bar on a certain night and takes pictures of a few people; people who just wanted to go out and have a good time with their friends, not walk the runway in Bryant Park. 

From the look of the pictures, these people know they are being photographed, but God only knows if the photographer told them that their photograph will be sent to a selection of fashion nobodies who will then judge, critique and/or mock their clothing choices inside a free, widely distributed "newspaper," for lack of a better word.

For example, this is what Fasano & Worth (who, I believe, own His Stuff in Andersonville) had to say about this gentleman's outfit...

"I have that same outfit— to walk my dog in."

Wow. That's so not funny. At all. Insult comedy is hard, isn't it, guys?

You know, Fasano & Worth, if you were even slightly funny or if your critiques were more helpful than hurtful, it might make me forget what incredible douchebag assholes you both are. 

The two of you have been making mean-spirited, nasty "What Not to Wear" comments from behind the curtain of the Great and Powerful Oz for far too long.

So, here's what I propose. The next time that Fasano & Worth are out walking their dog, someone needs to take their picture, upload it on the Redeye's site and allow the people of Chicago to give them our opinion of their fashion choices. 

And not just when they're walking the dog. I want to see what these fags wear at a bar, at the supermarket, as they leave the gym, as they leave the emergency room where they've been screaming at the ER doctor, "I don't know how it got there, just get it out!" - - everywhere.

After all their bitchy, catty critiques, it's time for these queens to take their medicine. And as my Dad says, "Paybacks are a motherfucker."

While we wait for the day when we'll be able to judge the local fashion judges, let's enjoy Whoopi Goldberg's response to an article in TV Guide by Ingela Ratledge that criticized Whoopi's clothing choices saying...

"You come to work looking like you're ready to make a run to Costco."

You can imagine what Whoopi had to say about that on The View.

This made me cheer...


11 comments:

Java said...

Gawd I love that woman!

F6's Editor said...

Go Whoopi! Gotta love it when the diva within comes out ta fight back!

McCool said...

Something tells me there's some bad-His-Stuff-blood brewing...

my first comment on the guy would have been something to the effect of "I've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve, but wearing your cross on your chest?!"

or

"Joe is sporting the latest in nightclub-to-trick-to-mass fashion..."

*shrugs*

Lance Noe said...

I miss the caption contest

just sayin'

philip said...

i was once busy looking extremely fabulous at an art function at some hoity toity place downtown that i only attended because I knew the people who threw it together. Some gash-on-legs walked up to me with a camera and asked if she could take my picture for Wearwolves. I said absolutely not. And she said, "Why not?" and I said, "Because whoever writes the comments for those pictures has no taste and --worse!-- no sense of humor." She looked all offended. And I said, "I'm sorry, are you the person who writes the captions?" She told me she was not, and said, "Good, then there's still hope for you." And then she walked away in a huff, and I entertained myself by not caring.

cb said...

How do I get this job? Taking pictures of bad fashion choices and then making up snarky captions????

HELLO!!

yellowdog granny said...

i love whoopi...really really really love whoopie..but jeez, she does dress like a bag lady.

jer said...

i have to admit that i sometimes enjoy reading those little captions...sometimes they're funny. BUT...they're mean and nasty and i also kinda hate them. i'm so conflicted.

Project Christopher said...

Whoopi is such a hoot! To say Fashion is an industry of falseness and fucked up expectations is redundant, obvious and doesn't even begin to cover the extent of it's objectiveness.

Philip - I love that statement "I entertained myself by not caring"! I'm going to need to borrow that sometime :)

Aaron said...

I checked out the His Stuff site, and all I can say is, it can stay Their Stuff as far as I'm concerned.

Anonymous said...

One of the his stuff owners lives across the street from myself and my partner. Lets just say I've seen them in their bathrobes walkin the dogs in the morning and it's not so pretty