Sunday, March 22, 2009

My New Favorite Caption Contest #42

It's taken me almost four months to choose a winner for the last Caption Contest and I'm not sure why. 

I mean, other than my usual tardiness, procrastination and my Scarlett O'Hara, "I'll worry about that tomorrow" way of coping with life.

I think the picture I chose was just too freaky. I wanted to choose a winner for the #41 contest, but the picture kept reminding of that creepy Anthony Hopkins film, Magic

The caption contest picture shows a bargain basement ventriloquist's dummy hugging a poor man's Ann-Margaret impersonator, and the movie Magic featured both a ventriloquist's dummy and Ann-Margaret. 

You could tell them apart in the movie because one of them gave a very wooden performance & couldn't even make it to the set without a hand up their ass, and the other one was a ventriloquist's dummy.

So, with all that, I chose to block the picture from my mind. In the same way that I block out certain ex-boyfriends, the crazy-assed Cosby sweaters I wore in the late 80's and most of the lyrics from the musical, Wicked.

But I can't keep blocking it from my mind. The picture, not the Wicked lyrics, I mean.

It's time to choose a winner and I'm going with the caption that Angel from Angel's Crash Pad wrote... 

"Watch, when his dick talks, her vagina moves."

I love it! So wrong, it's right. And I know it's true because that's what I do with my Carol Channing ventriloquist doll

Well, I would do that if I actually owned one. And if my ass could be substituted for the vagina mentioned above (Don't say it). And if Carol had a penis. I mean, if the doll version of Carol had a penis. Wait, DOES Carol have a penis? We know she ate corn, but a penis?...

Well, all this "Carol Channing in The Crying Game" nonsense aside, I've chosen a picture for the #42 Caption Contest that is both current, artistic and yet continues the previous contest's theme of a ventriloquist who can't quite keep her hand out of a familiar hole.

Only this time, it's not Ann-Margaret, it's Chita Rivera. And as you can see, Chita has her hand around (and quite possibly in) Karen Olivo.

Karen is in the Broadway revival of West Side Story that just opened last week. She plays Anita, the role Ms. Rivera originated. 

Chita met with Ms. Olivo and the rest of the cast last month. And, as you can see in the picture, Chita did... something... with her hand... to Karen...

Did Chita do that to Rita Moreno when the cast list for the movie version hit the press? Did Rita like it as much as Karen seems to like it?

I'll call Karen and Rita ("Hey, you guys!"). You give these girls a caption. And some lube.


khbronson said...

1. Chita decided to show Karen exactly what the lyrics "a boy like that wants one thing only" mean!

2. Sing that high note using your diaphragm dear. Oh...that's NOT your diaphragm?!?!?

yellowdog granny said...

"hmm, two fingers..and still tight, ok...she's got the part."

Steve said...

Gimme back my Tony!

Angel ABC said...

Thanks for the honor Stephen! Hopefully, I can hold the title for the next four months! But just in case, I'd better submit another one just to stay in the game:

Como se dice, 'fisting' en Espanol?

Polt said...

"If Officer Krupke does this, he isn't just patting you down!"

"They call her Anybodys cause she lets anybody do THIS!"


Java said...

Stephen, where do you find this stuff? "When did I eat corn?" How do you know that?

Kevin said...

"OMG, that's what you meant when you said "Can I get some lipstick?"

Anatomicsd said...

"See. If you touch THIS spot the jaw unhinges."

philip said...

-Anita's gonna get her kicks.

-I don't know who dressed this woman, but no self respecting Puerto Rican woman would ever be caught dead in that outfit. And the chick in the purple don't look so hot niether.

-Ms. Olivio was discovered while performing in the surprise Broadway sensation, IN THE TIGHTS.

-What a great moment this was! Amazingly captured on film. A shame, though, the photographer only caught the dismount.

-There's a place for that. A time and place for that.

-Stick to your OWN kind, one of your OOOOWN kind!

-First she was in the movie, then she was in the revival, now she's in the star.

-This is, hands down, the most conceptual production of Eqqus ever.

-We know what Maria did with Tony. And know we know what Anita did with her Tony.

-Ay Ay Ay!!!

Steve said...

Ms. Rivera, I'm afraid you misunderstood what we wanted for your guest star bit in "Avenue Q."

Ladies and Gentleman, Ms. Chita Rivera and the "Press Conference Rag." Notice how her mouth never moves--almost. Now, Ms. Olivo's lips, on the other hand . . .