TMI Tuesday

It's been a long day, so the answers for this week's TMI Tuesday questions should be interesting, to say the least

How would I describe these answers if I said "the most?" Incoherent, sassy and low-class Southern with just a hint of the bitch I will be when I get my AARP Card. Yep, same as always.

Why has it been a long day? Well, I've got so much going on - - tasks both professional and personal - - that I feel like Elaine Stritch at the Emmys: Everyone's laughing at me and I'm trying to tell them...

"I'm not making this up, I really don't know what the Hell I'm doing!!!"

God, I love her. I have to. I'm going to BE her. In about 12 minutes.

Anyway, on to the TMI...

1. Who did you think you would marry in elementary school?

I don't know that the thought ever crossed my mind when I was that young.

Wild, isn't it? At that age, most kids want to be a fireman or a policeman and I'm acting like Bobby in COMPANY. Oy...

I did have an overwhelming attraction to Leif Garrett during my early years. But I doubt I wanted to "set up house" or "walk down the aisle" with him.

I think it had a lot more to do with his hair...

...and the fact that he guest starred in an episode of WONDER WOMAN...

...and the way he filled out his jeans.

So, I based my attraction to someone, not on their gender, but on their hair, their proximity to an Amazonian Princess / Lynda Carter and most importantly, their bulging basket.

Still think homosexuality is a choice?!?


2. Which muppet is your favorite? Why?

Janice. Hands down! Why? Come on!

She's the coolest, she talks like a Valley Girl, she rocks out like a MoFo in that band and she has the BEST hair of all the muppets!!

Again, I'm making a choice on the basis of "cool hair." How "bald fag" can I get?!?


3. Which politician would you most like to screw? [For pleasure or revenge]

I can't choose one specific person, but any chance I would have to give it - - hard - - to any of the Bushies would be sweet and filled with the rage usually found in "make up sex."

I can't recall the exact lyrics, but William Finn says it best in his song, "Republicans." In the song, he talks about going to bed with a guy who tells him that he's a Republican.

When Finn is, as he says in the lyrics...

"...trying hard to make the fellow burst!"

...he admits that it may sound horrific - - sticking your personal Mr. Happy into Cheney or Rove - - but really, as Finn writes...

"It's nice to have the roles reversed."

4. How did you first find the g-spot?

I've never been there. Should I go there? Will I learn something about my "secret special place?"

Ok, before you say it, yes it ain't so "secret" anymore and over-use and frequent attendance takes away a feeling of it being even the least bit "special," but I've seen worse.

I've been in worse. Hell, I've DATED worse. And he dressed like Elaine Stritch. I'm not kidding.


5. What is the best costume you've ever worn?

Even though it was made of poster board - - one piece of poster board - - and was, therefore, severely two-dimensional, I LOVED the costume that my mother made for me when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and really wanted to be Aslan for Halloween.

I'm sure that, from the front, I looked like a chipmunk who stuck his paw in a light socket and from any other angle, I looked like a strange child wearing a carpet on his body and some cut up poster poster board on his head...

But my mama made it for me and I remember walking through the hallways of Powell Elementary School with an attitude that said...

"You SO wish you were wearing this. But you're not. I am. Suffer bitch."

See? More proof! I was a clothes-loving Carson Kresley-in-traning before the age of 7!!!

Hell, that Aslan costume was probably my unconscious homage to a Bob Mackie Cher creation. It all tracks back...


Bonus (as in optional):Does pornography liberate or deteriorate society?

I love porn. And in the gay world, porn stars are truly their own unique brand of celebrity. But do they degrade women? I honestly would have to WATCH straight porn to give you an answer.

Since men are stimulated visually and since I'm a man (don't say it), I like porn. And I think it's great to be naked and free with your body and not be ashamed of it.

But it's not that simple, is it? I honestly don't know the answer. Any thoughts?

But before you answer, don't get too down on porn. Do you know how much I've invested in those "skip cause of lube" man-on-man dvd's at this point?!?

Well, not really that much because many of them were given to me.

Gay men swap porn like Southern women swap recipes: Eagerly. Freely. And always saving the very best ones for themselves!