Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Most Dangerous (Armless) Man in Snellville

The weirdest "News of the Weird" ever... along with my smart-assed comments...

SNELLVILLE, Ga. — Police are investigating the death of a man who collapsed after being headbutted by an armless man in a fight over a woman.

SR: Sounds bizarre, but remember - - THIS TOOK PLACE IN GEORGIA!! SNELLVILLE, no less!!!

"How do you get to Snellville, GA?"

"Marry your sister, man. Marry your sister!!"

Snellville Police Chief Roy Whitehead said the two men, Charles Keith Teer and William Russell Redfren, scuffled Monday afternoon in the driveway of a suburban Atlanta home.

SR: Need even more proof that these guys are absolute white trash? The fought IN THE DRIVEWAY!!!

Right beside Charlie's Red Pinto (which is completely burned out and sits on four cinder blocks instead of four tires) and across the street from "Billy's House of Shoes and Cheese."

Witnesses told authorities that Redfren, who has no arms, kicked Teer, and Teer struck Redfren, Whitehead said.

SR: I wonder if Redfren did that "Karate Kid" kick thing? Can you do that kick without arms?

I mean, the "Ralph Macchio Arms Raised To Set It Up" thing is kind of important to that kick, right?

No arms? No "Wax on. Wax off." It's that simple.


After bystanders separated them, Redfren "came back and headbutted [Teer] one time," Whitehead said.

SR: Obviously, the "bystanders" (Bo, Luke and Uncle Jessie) thought that only Mr. Teer needed to be held back. They probably thought to themselves...

"The dude ain't got no arms. He can't hurt nobody. Pass me an MGD."

Teer complained of feeling dizzy, collapsed, and died, Whitehead said. Police are awaiting autopsy results before deciding whether Redfren should be charged.

SR: Well, let's see. Mr. Teer got head-butted by William "Don't Put Me In The Pool And Call Me Bob" Redfren, then Mr. Teer became dizzy, collapsed and died.

Nah. It was probably something he ate.

This kind of investigation is why CBS has never opted to start filming CSI: SNELLVILLE.

2 comments:

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Unbelievable!

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - God love 'em in Georgia!! :)