1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?
Here's the deal: What constitutes sex? For so many people, a penis has to go into an ass or a vagina before it's sex. As I said at a party just the other night, "What? A mouth isn't considered a hole anymore?!?"
For that reason, I'll list a few, shall we say, "levels of sex"...
Mutual masturbation: In my second cousin's house when his parents were away.
My hot, straight, "star of the neighboring high school's football team" second cousin, by the way...
Yeah, THAT second cousin...
Oral sex: With another high school boy in a hotel room at the Hyatt Regency in Knoxville, TN. A fond, fond, fond memory, indeed.
Anal sex: In a small, cheesy Motel 6 just off of Kingston Pike in Knoxville with a guy I dated in college who drove a pick-up truck and worked at a gas station - - Tony. And if that man hadn't decided to go back to his boyfriend - - they were on a little "break" during the time we dated - - I probably would still be with him today.
2. Does size matter? (open to interpretation boys and girls)
Honesty matters. Kindness matters. A romantic man who gets why CASABLANCA is your favorite movie matters. Size... eh...
However, that old joke just won't leave my brain without being written down here...
"There are two things I really hate: size queens and little dicks."
3. Have you ever had sex in your office or your place of employment?
Abso-fucking-lutely. Oddly enough, though, not my current office, but my former office - - many, Many, MANY times.
Once with a famous porn star.
"Those were the days, my friend. We thought they'd never end..."
4. Ever been skinny dipping?
Abso-fucking-lutely. What part of "redneck" didn't you understand?
5. Top or bottom?
I'll let my doppelganger, John Cardone, answer that question.
Backstage during the run of THE LAST SUNDAY IN JUNE, someone mentioned something about me being a bottom and I - - being the lady who doth protest too much - - shouted back...
"Hey, I'm versatile!"
Which prompted Mr. Cardone to say...
"Sure. You're versatile. Spelled B-O-T-T-O-M."
Bonus: Where were you September 11, 2001? What were you doing when you first heard about the twin towers?
I walked into my gym, the Sweat Shop on Broadway here in Chicago, and looked up to see the first tower on tv right after it had been hit. And I have no idea why, but the first words out of my mouth were...
"What have they done?"
I don't know who I was speaking of when I said "they," but I had just been on tour in the Middle East the year before and perhaps, after speaking with the people there, somewhere inside I knew what was happening.
I stood there and watched the second plane hit the second tower. And as I walked to the locker room to put my stuff away, I heard the description of the the third plane hitting the Pentagon.
By the time I realized that I hadn't checked my cell phone in almost 30 minutes, I had multiple calls from both of my parents. I had just travelled, with less than a week's notice, to Tokyo and I think something in both my parents' brains thought that I might be flying around or out of the country again. They were terrified when I wasn't answering my phone for that long.
I went to work and from my office at Belmont and Halsted, I watched as hundreds of people kept streaming off of the Belmont L station. It was a constant line of scared and confused men and women.
We sat in the conference room and watched the harried tv reports. I called Aaron, who at the time was working only a block away from the Hancock Building, and told him to leave, but their office hadn't officially closed yet. I told him to walk out the door whether the office was closed or not. The Hancock would definitely be one of two targets if the terrorists were on their way to Chicago and I was so scared that something might happen to Aaron.
Six years ago. So much has changed in six years.