Sunday, September 09, 2007

I Wonder How They'll Look In Purple Lycra...

Ummmm... have y'all heard about this?

Maggie Gyllenhaal - - currently filming THE DARK KNIGHT where she plays the role of Rachael Dawes...

...you know... the role played by Katie "I Married A Gay Man And All I Got Was This Lousy Pan-Asian Baby" Holmes in BATMAN BEGINS...

...has allegedly been approached to appear in another highly anticipated superhero big screen blockbuster, THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA.

This movie has barely made it past the typing out of the title page of the first draft and we've already got crazy casting rumors like this?!? JLA: THE MOVIE is so far from production that Tom Cruise will be on his third beard by the time it opens.

What role would Maggie play in the JLA? Well, not a big one, so don't excited. Unless you've got a thing for shape-shifting identical twins who have to touch hands and say "Activate!" to initiate their powers.

Yep, that's right. Rumor has it that Maggie will join her uber-hot brother Jake to appear in the JLA movie as Zan and Jayna - - The Wonder Twins.

The Wonder Twins? Come on, guys. There are already WAY too many characters to follow for those who have no knowledge of the JLA.

I mean, Lawrence Fishbourne is rumored to be the first casting choice for The Martian Manhunter and just explaining the whole Green Martians / White Martians thing will be insane.

And when you add the issue of that character's various names - - forget it! I can hear the non-fanboys in the audience now: "Wait, is he John Jones or J'onn J'onzz or The Martian Manhunter? Who the fuck IS this guy, anyway?"

Do we really need to add characters created for "The All-New Super Friends Hour" when we've got Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Green Lantern, The Flash, Aquaman and the aforementioned Martian Manhunter?!?

Not to mention other possible JLAers like Hawkman, Hawkgirl, The Atom, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, Elongated Man and Zatanna. Geez...

That's a lot of rubber & lyrca combo supersuits for one 2 hour movie, y'all.

If you're gonna go with Super Friends tag-alongs, why not go with the originals - - Wendy and Marvin!? Yeah, I know - - whether it's Zan and Jayna or Wendy and Marvin, the "Suck Factor" is still incredibly high.


Still, the thought of Jake Gyllenhaal playing Zan contains so many...

...possibilities...


Go with my horny mind for a second...


Since Zan's power is the ability to change into any form of water, I'm getting the mental image of me spending hours and hours in a hot, sexy bath filled with "Zan Gyllenhaal water".


Picture it: Jake greets me at the door after a hard day of work, leads me into the bathroom, takes off all of my clothes with his teeth (it could happen), lays me down in the tub and whispers in my ear...
"Form of a hot, orgasmic bubble bath."

Oh, to be bathed in Jake Gyllenhaal. MMMMmmmmm...

This Wonder Twin idea isn't that bad after all.

But who the Hell is going to play Gleek?

I have a suggestion...


P.S. Ryan Reynolds is rumored to be the first choice for The Flash.

Yes. Yes. Oh, and this just in - - YES!

I mean, look at Mr. Reynolds here...

I love a man who has abs I can shave with.

And maybe those abs won't cut my facial hair, but hey, rubbing my cheeks on that stomach will definitely make shaving a Hell of a lot more fun!

But the rumored choice to play The Batman?

Ben Stiller.

Yeah. THAT Ben Stiller.

Uh huh. Not so much...

8 comments:

jer said...

I was going to say that I dont understand the whole Jake thing...cause mostly I dont...but that pic of him with no shirt? its kinda pretty.

Stephen Rader said...

Jer - Kinda pretty? Is that like being "kinda pregnant?!? Cause that boy is HOT!! I'd pay to see him in purple tights. Wouldn't you?

Lance Noe said...

I love the wonder twins. they were my favorites!

Stephen Rader said...

Lance - I liked em too, but I more of a Wendy & Marvin boy. By admitting that, I'm dating myself... but the sex is FABULOUS!

Dana said...

Try Ben Stiller in Keeping the Faith. Not quite so gag inducing.

Stephen Rader said...

Dana - Ok, ok... I'll try. But Ben Stiller as The Batman. I'm not sold.

Then again, Michael Keaton was The Batman and I liked his two movies, so what do I know. :)

Kristie said...

Here's a look at some wonder twins at Dragoncon. I'm sure they will look much better than this...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/goonie328/1336993909/

Stephen Rader said...

Kristie - Those Wonder Twins look pretty hot, though. Especially Zan... :)