Tuesday, September 25, 2007

TMI Tuesday

It's been a long day, so the answers for this week's TMI Tuesday questions should be interesting, to say the least

How would I describe these answers if I said "the most?" Incoherent, sassy and low-class Southern with just a hint of the bitch I will be when I get my AARP Card. Yep, same as always.

Why has it been a long day? Well, I've got so much going on - - tasks both professional and personal - - that I feel like Elaine Stritch at the Emmys: Everyone's laughing at me and I'm trying to tell them...

"I'm not making this up, I really don't know what the Hell I'm doing!!!"

God, I love her. I have to. I'm going to BE her. In about 12 minutes.

Anyway, on to the TMI...

1. Who did you think you would marry in elementary school?

I don't know that the thought ever crossed my mind when I was that young.

Wild, isn't it? At that age, most kids want to be a fireman or a policeman and I'm acting like Bobby in COMPANY. Oy...

I did have an overwhelming attraction to Leif Garrett during my early years. But I doubt I wanted to "set up house" or "walk down the aisle" with him.

I think it had a lot more to do with his hair...

...and the fact that he guest starred in an episode of WONDER WOMAN...

...and the way he filled out his jeans.

So, I based my attraction to someone, not on their gender, but on their hair, their proximity to an Amazonian Princess / Lynda Carter and most importantly, their bulging basket.

Still think homosexuality is a choice?!?

2. Which muppet is your favorite? Why?

Janice. Hands down! Why? Come on!

She's the coolest, she talks like a Valley Girl, she rocks out like a MoFo in that band and she has the BEST hair of all the muppets!!

Again, I'm making a choice on the basis of "cool hair." How "bald fag" can I get?!?

3. Which politician would you most like to screw? [For pleasure or revenge]

I can't choose one specific person, but any chance I would have to give it - - hard - - to any of the Bushies would be sweet and filled with the rage usually found in "make up sex."

I can't recall the exact lyrics, but William Finn says it best in his song, "Republicans." In the song, he talks about going to bed with a guy who tells him that he's a Republican.

When Finn is, as he says in the lyrics...

"...trying hard to make the fellow burst!"

...he admits that it may sound horrific - - sticking your personal Mr. Happy into Cheney or Rove - - but really, as Finn writes...

"It's nice to have the roles reversed."

4. How did you first find the g-spot?

I've never been there. Should I go there? Will I learn something about my "secret special place?"

Ok, before you say it, yes it ain't so "secret" anymore and over-use and frequent attendance takes away a feeling of it being even the least bit "special," but I've seen worse.

I've been in worse. Hell, I've DATED worse. And he dressed like Elaine Stritch. I'm not kidding.

5. What is the best costume you've ever worn?

Even though it was made of poster board - - one piece of poster board - - and was, therefore, severely two-dimensional, I LOVED the costume that my mother made for me when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and really wanted to be Aslan for Halloween.

I'm sure that, from the front, I looked like a chipmunk who stuck his paw in a light socket and from any other angle, I looked like a strange child wearing a carpet on his body and some cut up poster poster board on his head...

But my mama made it for me and I remember walking through the hallways of Powell Elementary School with an attitude that said...

"You SO wish you were wearing this. But you're not. I am. Suffer bitch."

See? More proof! I was a clothes-loving Carson Kresley-in-traning before the age of 7!!!

Hell, that Aslan costume was probably my unconscious homage to a Bob Mackie Cher creation. It all tracks back...

Bonus (as in optional):Does pornography liberate or deteriorate society?

I love porn. And in the gay world, porn stars are truly their own unique brand of celebrity. But do they degrade women? I honestly would have to WATCH straight porn to give you an answer.

Since men are stimulated visually and since I'm a man (don't say it), I like porn. And I think it's great to be naked and free with your body and not be ashamed of it.

But it's not that simple, is it? I honestly don't know the answer. Any thoughts?

But before you answer, don't get too down on porn. Do you know how much I've invested in those "skip cause of lube" man-on-man dvd's at this point?!?

Well, not really that much because many of them were given to me.

Gay men swap porn like Southern women swap recipes: Eagerly. Freely. And always saving the very best ones for themselves!


just me said...

Leif Garret is smuggling a cucumber. He has to be. There is no way a kid that age is hung like that.

Personally, as all of the republicans have fucked us over and over, just pick one at random.

Straight men trade porn movies too. I think porn has its place in our culture. I have never watched a porn movie from beginning to end. About 5 minutes worth is all it takes, usually. (Am I blushing? Can old farts blush? Well, I'll be damned...they can!)

Aaron said...

I'd have to be turned on to fuck someone, and there is just NO Republican on earth that doesn't make my sac shrivel like an old fig.

I had a Tin Man costume when I was in 4th grade, made of poster board, Ford Maverick seat covers, a funnel and lots of silver oil makeup. It was the best costume ever!! My parents were geniuses in the costume department...

Stephen Rader said...

Just Me - "smuggling a cucumber!" Amen to that. Although, I have to say, I wish it was the real deal.

Trust me - - 5 minutes is what it takes for all of us!!!! :)

Aaron - That's why God gave us Viagra! To fuck over the Republicans!!

I'll bet the Tin Man and Aslan would have looked FABULOUS together!!!

Dovajorth said...

For those who haven't seen it, a link to a youtube clip of a sketch featuring Elaine Stritch as a Wal-Mart greeter. The voice isn't low enough, but it's still pretty damn funny.


Leif Garrett... that package, real or not... wow, I never noticed those things when I was young.

Stephen Rader said...

Doug - Stritch as a Wal-Mart greeter is one of my favorite sketches EVER!!! Although, I wonder how many people get all of the spot-on references in it. It's an in-joke inside an in-joke... wrapped in black tights and sipping on a vodka tonic!

You NEVER noticed Leif Garrett's package when you were a kid?!? I was always praying that he would do a movie in 3-D!!

Polt said...

Leif Garrett....ohmiGOD, was I crushing on him big time back then! Just wanted to run my fingers all through his hair. Probably has something to do with why i love men with long hair now.


Stephen Rader said...

Polt - It all tracks back, doesn't it? It all tracks back. :)

Valyna said...

I've read a lot of answers to the muppets question on other blogs, and you're the only one that named my favorite as well :) I've always LOVED Janice!! Crazy Harry is my second favorite :)

Oh, and I'm a chica that loves porn... but I lean more toward the artistic and fetish/bondage porn. If it gets too low-rent there are too many silicone titties, 80's hairdos and guys that always seem to resemble my hairy uncles. Such a mood killer.

Dovajorth said...

I always liked Beaker.

Phallus, party of one.

Stephen Rader said...

Valyna - WOOHOO for Janice!!!!!

And for me, I like the 80's porn. I like the 70's porn. If it's two (or more) people goin' at it, I like it. Cause I'm a tramp. :)

Doug - Talking Phallus. Gotta love Jim Henson!!

Professor Fate said...

My sister would have fought you for Leif but you probably could have distracted her with Shaun Cassidy.

Happy belated TMI