Sunday, September 16, 2007

Mr. Warhol Called. Your 15 Minutes Are Up

As I see it, there are three - - count 'em, three - - gay men who are currently enjoying their brief 15 minutes of Warhol fame on YouTube.

And I can't stand any of them.

1) William Sledd - This is a twink who worked at The Gap for a few years - - folding t-shirts and dissuading customers from purchasing what he sees as the greatest threat to mankind, "The Carpenter Jean," - - and now proclaims himself to be a fashion guru.

His videos are a mish-mosh of WHAT NOT TO WEAR, HEE-HAW and a Clay Aiken concert all rolled into one pathetic, homo, white trash mess. And that's not all...

I don't like anyone with that Emo hairstyle. Especially guys. (If I wanted to fuck Posh Spice, I'd go fuck Posh Spice, ok dude? Now, get a buzz cut and assume the position.)

I don't like anyone who knows as much (if not less) than I do and yet, talks DOWN to me. (George W. Bush, please take note.)

And I don't like anyone who gives THEMSELVES a title they never earned. This happens quite often these days, but trust me - - just because someone is gay doesn't mean they have good taste in clothes.

Case in point...William: Do me a favor, shut the Hell up and do what you do best - - give your female hangers-on advice on which jeans accentuate their "Muffin Top."

2) Michael Buckley - Apparently more people watch Mr. Buckley's WHAT THE BUCK videos than voted in the last 187 elections. How fucking depressing is that?

I've only suffered through one of his lame-assed attempts at skewering pop culture and to me, he's like that gay man that we all know - - the friend of a friend who is always glaring around the room, looking for other people's Achilles Heel so he can stab it with his bejeweled letter opener and snarl about it in the corner with his white-belted, flip-flop wearing, faux-hawk sporting, "trying WAY to hard too look 23 again" friends.

Don't ask me why, but there's something about his comedy that isn't funny, it's just bitchy and catty and hurtful. But I think what I hate the most about him is his INSANE amount of narcissism. He loves himself more than anyone else could ever love him and he laughs at his own jokes, because he thinks he's so fucking hysterical.

It's like a singer who says 'Thank you" before the song is over to tell you that what they sang was really good and you should applaud - - a lot. It's disgusting. And so is he.

And last but definitely not least - - especially this week...

3) Chris Crocker - Philip turned me on to this guy and I could only watch a few of his clips before I had to shut down my laptop, douse it with Holy Water and pray that Linda Blair didn't pop into my apartment and projectile vomit pea soup all over my leather sofa.

This man is disturbed with a capital "Crazy Bitch." Seriously. He needs help. And yet, just like his personal pop idol Britney Spears, the American people see this person who is laying in the street bleeding and screaming for help and they stand, stare and point but never MAKE A MOVE TO HELP THEM.

His video break down telling the world to "Leave Britney Alone" truly scared me. Forget about hiring the American Idol judges to help Britney revive her career; hire a psychotherapist to bring Mr. Tucker some mental health and stability.

Yeah, I know. I'm taking all this WAY too seriously.

Thankfully, THE SOUP and Seth Green created this to allow me to do what all humans - - American and otherwise - - do in a time of crisis: Laugh at another man's pain.

Seriously, though - - this video by Seth Green is hilarious and right on the money...


Polt said...

Seth Gree is God!

(I guess that makes your Jesus, for bringing his message to me, eh? Jesus...or one of those fat, oily, ill-fitting suit wearing, speaking in tongues pastors on Sunday morning TV)


Stephen Rader said...

Polt - Seth IS a God!! You're so right. And if the other option is Pat Robertson, I'll be Jesus any day.

Well, taking into account my hairline, I'll be Jesus as played by Yul Brenner! :)

Tina said...

So tuff and tangible! Man, I'd love to make Seth Green my own personal pommel horse.

Stephen Rader said...

Tina - If you ever get to make Seth your pommel horse, please, Please, PLEASE be sure to make a "home movie" of it and send it to me.

Bob said...

OMG! Yes and yes. I've been aware of Sledd and this Buck guy for a few months, and they both annoy the SHIT out of me. For the exact same reasons. This other guy is new to me, and now I know to avoid, avoid, avoid.

To lift from Datalounge, "This is why they hate us."

Stephen Rader said...

Bob - "This is why they hate us," indeed!!! I was afraid tons of gay men would hate me because I'm not "supporting our own," but these three seriously annoy the Hell out of me.

We agree on far too much, Bob. They probably won't allow us to live in the same city for much longer for fear that we might take over the city... or at least fix the CTA! :)

Lance Noe said...

you know that insane little twink is from tennessee, RIGHT?

Stephen Rader said...

Lance - Chris Crocker is from Tennessee? If you tell me he lives in Powell, I'm getting on a plane TODAY to kick some sense into that boy.

David said...

Stephen, I've never even heard of #2, but I coulddn;t agree with you MORE on 1 and 3. In my day you had to actually to something requiring talent to get some sort of recognition. Soemthing that stood on its own merits. On a more embarrasing note, I am one of those guys that owns a white eblt and dresses in a few age inappropriate outfits, but like Debbie Harry, I have earned the right to look ridiculous.

Stephen Rader said...

David - I'm so happy that gay men are agreeing with me on this!!! And David, I've seen you out and about dressed fabulously and you never, ever look like you're trying to dress younger than you are. You always dress with incredible style.