"38? Stephen Doesn't Look a Day Over Gorgeous!"

In less than a week, I turn 38.

In the movie ALL OF ME, when Steve Martin's on-screen girlfriend wishes him a Happy 38th Birthday, he responds with this brilliant piece of sarcasm...

"In two years, I'll be 40.
In twelve years, I'll be 50.
I'm really excited about this."

While it's well known that I love sarcasm and have occasionally raised pessimism to an art level, I'm actually extremely happy about turning 38.

Lots of change taking place in my life right now and l have the extraordinary love of friends, both old and new.

To keep this from sounding too much like a Precious Moments card, I'm not getting laid all that much, so if you can help me out with that, let me know.

I would love to take some time on my actual birthday (and the day before) and just hang out with my friends. And my favorite place to hang out is Sidetrack on Showtune Monday.

But last year, my friend Mike mentioned that he only darkens the door of "Showtunes at Sidetrack" once a given year - - when he's celebrating my birthday - - so I thought I would change things up a little. Present a couple of options.

That said, I will be celebrating my birthday - - by drinking lots of vodka and singing a few rounds of "That Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used To Be" - - at and on the following:

A) Monday Night, January 21st - Stephen's Birthday Eve at the Inevitable
Sidetrack (3349 N. Halsted).

I'll get there around 8:30 p.m. or so, and I will park myself in the area my inner-Trekkie refers to as "Ten Forward."

When you go in the door, if you keep going straight forward, you will go up a couple of steps and then you'll walk into a small room. You'll know you're in Ten Forward if there's a huge Warp Core in the center of the room surrounded by banquettes.

I will be seated on one of those banquettes scream-singing I'M STILL HERE with Elaine Stritch.

- or -

B) Tuesday Night, January 22nd - Stephen's Honest-to-God Birthday at
T's (5025 N. Clark).

Why T's? Well, there's tons of room, the bartenders pour a mean vodka cranberry and four little words: Garlic Mayo Cheese Fries. 'Nuff said.

I will arrive at T's around 7:30 p.m. or and head straight for the back room (don't say it). And once again, I will be scream-singing I'M STILL HERE. This time a capella and without Strichy's help

Please, no gifts. If you want to give me something that I will love, join me at either Sidetrack or T's - - or both. Hanging out with my friends is exactly how I would like to celebrate my two year sprint towards 40.

That or a nice spanking. I'm easy.

P.S. In the picture at the top of this post is from one of my dual birthday parties with my cousin Rhonda. She was born on the same day that I was. In the same hospital. By the same doctors and nurses. Four hours before me.

I'm one smiling with his front teeth missing and no, the pink cake was not for me.

It was for Rhonda. I wanted a pink birthday cake, but my father said, "Hell no!" Imagine.