Thursday, January 01, 2009

"You Can Prick Your Finger... Just Don't Finger Your Prick."

Yesterday afternoon, I was telling my co-worker, Don, about the episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List where Kathy is minutes away from co-hosting last year's New Year's Eve coverage on CNN with Anderson Cooper and Andy casually mentions that there is no "delay button" on the telecast. 

As I said to Don, this means that something said by Kathy during last night's telecast - - for instance... 

"Suck it, Jesus!"

"If you're Destiny's Child, 
who's Destiny's daddy?"

"Every pound Oprah gains is like
a hug from Jesus."

... Anything and everything said by Kathy would be heard by millions of people. Worldwide. One line about how Kim Jong-il looks just like Billie Jean King, except that Billie has the bigger clitoris and... ugh...

Well, Kathy did say something shocking (Wait, let me put my surprise face on...), but it wasn't a political blunder. It wasn't even a part of one of the hilarious, juicy celebrity stories that we expect (and hope for) from the woman who gave us the name, "Clay Gayken."

No, the shocking moment came in the form of a good, old fashioned, verbal bitch slap given to a heckler, just like the ones heard every night in a comedy club. Only last night, the number of people watching was significantly greater than a capacity crowd at Zanies for Saturday's late show. Meaning there are a whole lot more people who may have been offended by Kathy's use of "blue language." (Whatever the Hell that means).

I myself LOVE "blue language!" K's are funny - - that's a fact - - so I say "Fuck!" all the time! I mean, fuck! All I have to say about Kathy's performance last night is - - "'Atta girl!"

I'm sure Kathy is getting flack for this today, but when you hire a comedian to co-host a VERY difficult evening filled with drunken people who only get this drunk once a year (which is why my father calls New Year's Eve, "Amateur Night"), and their sole purpose during the telecast is to "make things funny," don't be upset when they make things funny after some heckling, alcoholic asshole's shouts a personal insult and causes them to fire back an awesome one-liner that happens to contain a "dirty word" (And I say againwhatever the Hell that means!). 

Don't get upset with Kathy's use of the word "dicks" Let's all remember that it is a perfectly acceptable word in polite society when describing two or more men named Richard... Just sayin'...

Instead, get angry at the moron in the clip below (also from last night's CNN telecast) and his pathetic attempt to secure some of his promised 15 Minutes of Fame. Erica Hill had to in the middle of thousands of Otis Campbells and I'm sure that nothing in journalism school prepared her for this "Gene Simmons by way of Foster Brooks" classless loser. 

Thank you so much to Eric McCool for sending me the the Kathy Griffin clip! How did I miss that?!?

P.S. The quote in the title of this post is by George Carlin. It's his way of explaining his "Dirty Words" list in 1972.


Anonymous said...

Lord, I loves me some Kathy Griffin.

(And I'd like to wish you a very happy, health,and prosperous 2009, Stephen!)

james said...

i also liked when anderson said he liked that version of "Over the Rainbow." How did Kathy Griffin NOT comment on that???

Lance Noe said...

Could I love her any more? No probably not.

And why did she not comment on Mrs. Coopers refusal to come out.

Then again, he did call her GGGIIIIRRRRRLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

So maybe it is just a given.

Kevin said...

Love it. We use a similar joke on occasion at the "dinner attraction" when people have had too much of the "unlimited beer and wine."

But since we are family-friendly, we're limited to saying "Hey, don't tell me how to do my job. You don't see me coming to your job and showing you how to clean the Slurpee machine!"

Aaron said...

James: Some fruit just hangs TOO low--it wouldn't have been sporting. :-)

Kathy Griffin is one of my favorite ladies on earth. I LOVE that she ripped that guy a new one. NOTHING is more obnoxious than drunks who think they're funny when they're not ("amateur night," indeed).

Also, I never knew that Otis's last name was Campbell. Thanks, Stephen! You're entertaining AND educational.

anatomicsd said...

What is up with Anderson's laugh? I can't believe the way he quasi-cringed every time she opened her mouth. And what a sissy..."She's punched me twice now."

Aaron said...

One more thing: you KNOW Anderson Cooper and Kathy shared a private high-five when it was all over.

Mark in DE said...

Kathy is funny and fabulous! If anyone doesn't think so, they can turn the channel.