Saturday, January 03, 2009

"I Can't Believe I'm Not a Millionaire"

Gore Vidal (yep, that's him... on the right... teaching the boy on the left the meaning of the word, "Nelly"...) said...

"It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail."

...and while I don't believe that to be true for everyone, I do think that it accurately describes the secret and/or unconscious ambitions of most Americans, regardless of their profession. 

But when that profession is within the entertainment industry (a.k.a. "actors, singers, comedians and anyone who feels the need to stand up and act out their story at a dinner party"), their schadenfreude increases dramatically. 

Then again, maybe that's not true. For actors and such, it's really less about "others failing" and more along the lines of...

"How did the bitchy, untalented girl from my university who lost the role of Snow White in our college production of Into the Woods because she couldn't remember her LINE, end up starring in a friggin' Stephen Speilberg movie?!? WTF?!?"

Many's the night that I have been lounging like a sloth on my couch wearing only a pair of Spider-Man boxer shorts and eating an entire bag of Oreos as a snack before my dinner at Cold Stone Creamery when I look up at the tv to see...

A) The (not so good with iambic pentameter) woman who played Titania when I was Demetrius in Midsummer headlining in her own Comedy Central standup special...

B) The man whom I replaced in a local holiday musical with his new job as a mass media representative for a new search engine, meaning that his face is now seen on every billboard, magazine, web site, bus ad and 30 second national commercial in my line of vision... or...

C) The girl who was told after a local audition, "Your resume should not say that you tap dance. Your resume should say that you shuffle!," now has multiple national commercials and has appeared on several sitcoms as a 21st centruy Phyllis Lindstrom

It's not that I wish any of these people ill will or begrudge them their success, but there's that little part of me that wants to bitchily scream, "Hell, I could have done THAT!"

This is why I think this song by The Puppini Sisters is the perfect song to listen to at the beginning of the New Year. And the video this YouTuber created for it is hilarious.

With all these morons making millions "acting" in The Hills and being featured every hour on Access Hollywood, "I Can't Believe I'm Not a Millionaire." 



12 comments:

ggymeta said...

Schadenfreude is my favorite German word.

the hobbit said...

Fuck them and their million dollar homes. And fuck their poolboys, too.

Well,never mind. But fuck the poolboys that belong to the other three. ;)

Java said...

Mostly I just don't understand schadenfreude. But I love the way you describe the entertainment industry's expressions thereof.

It's so difficult to go out to dinner once I've stripped to my Spider-Man boxer shorts. I don't want to get dressed any further after that, even for Cold Stone Creamery.

Where did you find that song, Stephen? I'm in love with it!! I can so relate!

Kevin said...

Yes. Thank you for using schedenfreude in a sentence other than "My favorite Avenue Q song is 'Schadenfreude.'"

I just went and saw an Equity Dinner Theatre put up The Producers, and I wondered how several of these people got cast.

They must give great head.

Shirley! said...

Look at it this way:

They sucked then, and they suck now. The only difference is that many more people are watching them suck.

just me said...

This is so weird because I watched the History Channel's thingymadoo (my word, not theirs) about the 7 deadly sins, and they spent a freaking hour on Envy. Schadenfreude was used to describe a particularly bad strain of envy. (Their words, not mine..)

However, I have often wondered how some totally untalented bimbo with big bazooms got a job acting other than the fact that she had big bazooms. I mean how many women go rock climbing in skin-tight tee shirts with their boobs hanging out?? I never did (go rock climbing)!

Aaron said...

I think it's all about promotion: these idiots found some schmoe who was willing to spend lots of energy getting their name and image shoved in everyone's faces. This is why I never look at billboards or watch network TV (wake me up when they hire some REAL writers again).

But take heart--people who suck won't have staying power unless they suck in a totally endearing way, like Julia Louis-Dreyfus (that whole "Neurotic New Yorker Who Makes Funny Faces a Lot" turned into quite the cash cow).

Ian FInley said...

I'll do you one better...

My mother studyed acting for a year at AMDA in New York in the 70's. As a child, I was regaled with stories of her time there. One character emerged from these stories to become the Wicked Witch of my childhood. A vain, preening bitch of questionable talent, who skipped class, ignored her training and never had anything nice to say to anyone. Who, encountering my mother's truly phenomenal voice, could only utter, "I didn't know you could sing like that."

Of course, this is seen through the double lens of my mother's past and my childhood, but even so, something in me grated and whined in betrayal each time I saw her name in print. And it's a name I've sen more and more often. That would be "Ms. Christine Ebersole," one of the best voices on Broadway, set to appear in Blithe Spirit with Rupert Everett this spring.

And yes... I have tickets. I couldn't help myself. Sometimes, Evil Wins.

whimsical brainpan said...

I just don't understand Schadenfreude or people who think that way.

Great video!

Mark in DE said...

Aw, try and be patient, Stephen - your star will burn brightly one of these days!

Lance Noe said...

IAN, I LOVESSSSSSS me some good ole gossip and celeb stories like that!

BRING IT ON!

anatomicsd said...

Meh...it's all about timing. Right place right time (right position) means more than right talent.