Thursday, January 29, 2009

"No More Questions, Please..."

Yesterday was insanely hectic for no good reason. Anything that could go wrong, did, and anything that could not possibly go wrong, went wrong twice.

My high school English teacher once told me...

"It's not the death of a loved one that 
sends you over the edge;
it's breaking your shoelace
."

The little things. The inconsequential things.

So basically, yesterday was full of broken shoelaces. Nothing huge that couldn't be fixed or smoothed over, but lots of little, bothersome things that made me pull my hair out. (Yes, from THERE! Where else do I have hair on my body?!?)

But I replaced all those broken shoelaces and I did it without devolving into Sally Field as Sybil, so I treated myself - - I hit the comic book shop just before it closed for my weekly stash of comics, but most especially, to pick up the last issue of DC's Final Crisis.

You see, yesterday's release of issue 7 of Final Crisis was supposed to answer all the questions that had been raised in the first 6 books. Questions like...

"Was the bitchy, Alpha Lantern intentionally drawn to look like Keira Knightley trick-or-treating as the Jetson's maid Rosie or did my shrooms just kick in?"

...and...

"Why does Mary Marvel look like the love child of Ziggy Stardust and Amy Winehouse?"

...and the most important question...

"What the fuck is going on?!?"

But, in keeping with my
Whammy-filled day, instead of answering those questions, Final Crisis #7 forced me to add "No, seriously, I am one lost mofo!!!" to the top of "What the fuck is going on?!?"



I know that
Grant Morrison is going for a different feel with this "final" Crisis, but I wish his style could have included the answers to the questions "What happened?," "Who did it?" and "How it was done?" Not to mention the confusion over "Who is alive and who is dead?" (Talking about the final page). This issue raises questions that lead to more questions, page after page of random weirdness. It's as if Lost suddenly moved aboard The Love Boat and Charo sings "Cuchi-Cuchi" for "The Others." WTF?!?

Reading Final Crisis #7, I felt like Groucho reading Fredonia's Treasury Department's report...



Please, somebody get a four-year old child to read this COMIC BOOK and explain to me how someone gets past a pitch meeting when they suggest
these characters (don't click on it if you don't want spoilers) will be brought into the fight to take down the 3rd "Ultimate Evil Guy" after the 2nd "Ultimate Evil Guy" and the 1st "Ultimate Evil Guy" has been defeated.

Seriously, my head is still swimming.
Mr. Morrison, next time remember that less is more. Unless you're Cher. And if you think you're Cher, snap out of it! Oy...

8 comments:

anatomicsd said...

I thought comic books were supposed to be fun and not angst causing?

Stephen Rader said...

anatomicsd - That's makes two of us!!! I'm sure somebody understood all the miniscule references and color shadings but I still don't have a clue as to what went on!!

Polt said...

Because of the weather, I could not get my comic books until this afternoon. And as I've not read any yet, I shall skip over this post until I do. But afterwards, I might be emailin' ya son! :)

HUGS...

Kevin said...

Unrelated note: THANK YOU for your headline today. LOVE that show -- I directed it 3 times (each time got me hired to do it somewhere else). AND I got to sing that song in a revue I did, too.

Yay me. :)

Fabulástico said...

There's always a double entendre on comics, darling.

McCool said...

is that.......Rubber Duck? lol

Project Christopher said...

so unfortunately, for the unfanboys reading your blog, this was:

waa waaaa waa wa waa wa waaaaa waa wa waaa Groucho Marx wa waaa wa wa waaaaa Cher.

if it makes you feel any better, we don't know what's going on either... :)

Polt said...

Frankly, Stephen, I've always liked Captain Carrot and The Zoo Crew. :)

Yeah, I read it and then kinda just shook my head. Morrison's great, sometimes. But other times, he's just all over the place.

I think the basic was that Shazam was pulling the Superman from each different parallel universe, so it makes sense Captain Carrot would have been there...but why Rubber Duck and Yankee Poodle were there is beyond me.

And didn't the ending remind you of the ending of the last Lord Of The Rings? Like it had three endings. Darkseid is dead...but no, now there's a vampire thingee we have to kill...blah, blah blah. A lot of hype over not a lot of stuff.

Only major thing, I think, is that Darkseid and Batman are dead (although this is comics, so neither will stay that way for long). And apparenatly Barry Allen is back? (see my previous comments in parathesis).

*SIGH*....well at least it's over now.

HUGS...