Wednesday, December 31, 2008

"All the Lidda Bidda Dridges and They Hucka the Bejeepers..."

Like so many things in life, this magically and brilliantly appears, brings incredible amounts of happiness and joy, and then it's gone, suddenly and without warning.

I've posted this before - - twice actually - - but for those who have never seen it, here's a little piece of Heaven to start your celebration of the New Year...

This is Leslie Uggams massively fucking up the lyrics to Rogers and Hammerstein's June Is Bustin' Out All Over!

This makes me so happy.



Whoever it was who took the time to sift through Ms. Uggams revision of Mr. Hammerstein's lyrics (subtitled in the video the second time it's played) deserves an award of some kind. Or a medal. 

It was probably a gay man, so a blow job from me is a given. Not because he wrote down the crazy lyrics. Because he's gay. And alive. And has a penis. For I am a slut.

A slut who can remember the correct lyrics to June Is Bustin' Out All Over instead of these from Ms. Uggams...

June is bustin' out all over,
all over the meadow and the hill.
All the bug'n out of bushes,
and the rum an' river rishes,
all the little wheels that wheel
beside a bill!

June is bustin' out all over,
a @#$% &$#@ #@#$$ *#@#$ tens.
All the lidda bidda dridges,
and they hucka the bejeepers
out of all the morning glories 
or the fez!

Because it's June...
June, June, June!
Just because it's June, June,
Joan!

Her phrasing of the final "June!" as "Joan!" is my favorite. Happy New Year, everyone!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

"I'm Holding Out For a Hero Til the Morning Light"

Not since Debra Winger has someone looked so out of place when standing next to Wonder Woman.

I try not to be so bourgeois as to always label everyone and everything, but...

Is Wonder Tot there a boy or a girl? I'm not trying to be a bitch but, come on.

The Spider-Man t-shirt says "boy." As does the "Col. Agarn" positioning of that hat. 

But the Laura Petrie capri pants scream "girl." Yes, they do...

I don't care how butch you are, how massive your calves look or who told you look fabulous in them; men who wear clam diggers look faggy. And my showtune collection, leather gear and bejeweled knee pads prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I know from faggy. 

But just look at how the little one is gazing up at Diana from Themyscira. In a few years, Wonder Tot will turn into...


...Well, just watch this clip and you'll see what Wonder Tot will turn into. Starting at marker 0.27...



Monday, December 29, 2008

"But Whatever the Reason, His Heart or His Shoes..."

You know that great Christopher Durang monologue about a children's theatre production of Peter Pan where everything goes wrong, the crocodile is real, the ropes the actors use to fly through the air keep breaking and Tinkerbell friggin' dies because "Peter" doesn't think that the kids in the audience clapped hard enough to prove that they believed in fairies?

Well, take that idea and apply just a little bit of it to How the Grinch Stole Christmas and you'll have some idea of what my family had to endure during my holiday visit. 

I wasn't a complete Scrooge McAsshole (Was I, Jeff? I hope not), so I wouldn't have stolen an entire city's Christmas gifts, trees, decorations and roast beast. I was more of the "indirect asshole" kind of Grinch. 

Think of me as Eeyore and Debbie Downer's jaded, musical theatre-loving bald, bastard baby. Yeah...

There wasn't really a specific reason, but I was just feeling... not sad, or depressed... just melancholy, I guess. Whatever the Hell that means.

So, bless my family for loving me while I stood outside the circle of Whos with my arms crossed, smirking at and silently mocking their musical "Fah Hoo Forres."

They showered me with great new books, new movies, new collectibles and even new glasses. My first new pair in 9 years.

My new glasses are slightly hip, black and rectangular. I really like them. I mean REALLY like them. I actually wore out in public today. Something I haven't done since the 6th grade. 

That was the year that I received my first pair of specs to go with my new fat ass and pimply complexion, changing my social standing from "faggot" to "fat, pizza-faced, four-eyed fag." 

Since then, wearing glasses makes me feel like I'm that kid again, so today was quite an accomplishment for me and my low self-esteem. We'll see if I make it over the next hurdle and actually allow someone to take a picture of me wearing them.

That said, if I get laid this week while I'm wearing them, I may never take them off. Just sayin'...

Oh, and by the way, Santa knocked the Grinch completely out of me with a little surprise gift that I found in my carry on bag while I was waiting for my return flight to Chicago. After an hour flight delay, I was desperate for something else to read, so I opened up a back section of my bag that I almost never use. I didn't find anything to read, though. Just something to listen to...

Yep, I found the friggin' iPod that I thought had been either lost or stolen on the bus a few months ago. It was in my bag all this time.  

So for the record: One Homosexual + Two iPods = NOT Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.

Sometimes there's God, so quickly. Helping me find what once was lost, while simultaneously using me to prove that obviously, Darwin is wrong.

Note to Java: Since I was more than a little Grinchy, did the holiday spirit hit you? I hope so.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Fratboy Friday

BOYS IN CAPS

Look buddy, Christmas is over...

But since your shirt is off, you can leave your hat on.




****


SAGGERS


Gang symbols the day after Christmas.

Classy. Really classy...





****


MOONERS


Dude, you're not even facing the right way...

Lay off the egg nog, dear.




****


DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

I know it was yesterday, but I want to sit on your lap
and beat the Christmas rush.

So to speak...

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

"Ode to Joy"

Perfection speaks for itself...



Wednesday, December 24, 2008

"Next Year, All Our Troubles Will Be Miles Away"

I think the best way - - the only way, really - - to begin or even make it through the holiday is to listen to the original lyrics for Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas as sung by Judy Garland.

The differences in the lyric are subtle, but speak volumes about the bittersweet feelings that the holidays seem to bring. Unlike what most people think, the song isn't joyous, it's more along the lines of, "Just get through it." 

Just hold on till the time when we all, hopefully, get to be with our loved ones once again. The ones we remember so vividly from Christmases past. Just have a little Christmas. That's all. That's something that we can do no matter what. A little Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

Monday, December 22, 2008

"She Made a Holiday Ornament Out of a G-String"

As we start this holiday week, we need a little Katie's Corner. Especially when she's telling us how to make holiday ornaments.



I love you, Alex, but as my mama would say, "You ain't right."  That said, keep these Katie's Corner videos coming. 

P.S. The comment about the cherry nearly killed me. Brilliant.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

"I Got Six, That's All There Is..."


When Mr Peenee informed me that he had chosen me for a "6 Pack Tag," well...

I was hoping that several of those Dieux du Stade boys were on their way over for an afternoon of heavy and inappropriate (a.k.a. "fun") tackling and touching.

Actually, Mr Peenee told me that "6 Pack Tag" was a meme right away, but hey, I can dream of being the meat between two pieces of French rugby player bread, can't I?

The rules are: 1. Link to the person who tagged you. 2. Post the rules on your blog.
 3. Write six random things about yourself.
 4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them. 
5. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
 6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.


Memes that request that I randomly write and post things about myself are so funny to me. I mean... "Write six random things about yourself"?!? - - don't I do that at least every six friggin' days?!? With some pictures of half naked men thrown in for good measure. 

That said, here are my six random things that I may or may not have discussed before... 

1. I don't know how to ice skate. 

Roller skate? Yes, I was a pre-teen in the 70's, when the roller rink was the 80's equivalent of the mall. And come to think of it, yesterday's "All Skate Slowly in One Direction" is today's "Poke!" on Facebook. But our 70's Facebook happened in real time and in constant circular motion. Sometimes, we did it backwards. Can you kiddies Facebook backwards? Uh huh...

2. When I get nervous, I cough. 

A hacking, continuous, "Sounds Like I'm Gonna Throw Up Bile" kind of cough. It usually happens when I get a 5 minute call before a cabaret show. I don't get nervous before straight plays (whatever those are...) or musicals anymore, though. The older I get, the less nervous I get. I try to remember what my advisor in college said to me when I told him that I was scared about how rehearsals were going for some show...

"Stephen, what Mother Teresa does is important. We do skits."

'Nuff said.


3. I drink a 7-Eleven Double Gulp of Diet Coke every day. It lasts two hours max. And at least once a week, some asshole who thinks he's Dane friggin' Cook stops me to say, "Wow, that's a big soda! Thirsty much?" or some such bullshit. Then, they laugh at their own funny and give me that "holding turd under their nose" smirk all assholes have, while I fight the urge to say, "If you think this is big, you should see my cock." 


4. I talk to myself. A lot. 

Comes from living alone for so long, I guess, but I've realized lately that people are staring at me on the bus or walking down the street and just as I'm about to give them a good, old fashioned Jeri Blank, "What are you LOOKIN' AT?!?," I realize that I've been talking out loud (screaming "Fuck you!" to the cab driver laying on his horn) or singing (usually a nice, embarrassing Ethel Merman showtune). Then, I try to prove my sanity to the people staring at me by acting as if I've been on the phone the whole time.

Yeah. On the phone. Singing Doin' What Comes Natur'lly full voice (the Merman lines AND the call backs). Sure, they might believe that. If I was actually holding a phone. Or had a bluetooth on my ear. Or if I hadn't been SINGING!

Sadly, I'm becoming "that guy," but at least I'm aware of my escalating level of crazy. Unlike a certain governor of my state these days.


5. I have horrific arachnophobia. So much so that I scream like I've been stabbed if I just see a spider on the television. I mean, "on a tv program." If a spider was on my television, I would run. Outside. And call a moving company. Yet, I'm a Spider-Man fan. Go know...

6. If I decided that I wasn't going to go home for Christmas, a wave of East Tennesseans would invade Chicago's northside. 

I'm taking the Clampetts with Granny in the rocking chair sitting on top of the jalopy. Just like that. Only without the wealth. 

Well, they probably ALL wouldn't come up, but I know that my mom and my brother would. They're there for me. No matter what.

Damn, I guess the holiday spirit is finally taking hold of me - - that last sentence was downright SENTIMENTAL! (Check for pods).

Well, one thing proves that I'm still myself - -  I once again can't bring myself to tag anyone on a meme. So, I'll leave it to you guys. Any chance there are six of you that will help me out and take this meme? "Thank you, Mr. Fabian..."

Thanks in advance for helping me out. I hate assigning homework over the holidays. 

And thank you for the tag, Mr Peenee!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

"Suddenly, I Have This Dreadful Urge To Be Merry"

You know all those Christmas songs that talk about people "dressed like Eskimos" who meet "smile after smile" as they contemplate washing their "face and hair with snow!"?

Yeah, THOSE songs, those tunes that endlessly vomit forth a sweet, wholesome, happy, "Let's all put on dickeys and go carolling!" Christmas cheer, with chorus after chorus telling you how merry you SHOULD be? 

Well, all those songs can lick me where I can't reach.

I battled the arctic tundra of Chicago today, trudged through mounds of white snow AND yellow snow AND snow the color of "Name That Body Fluid!" and I still have miles to go before I can brag about having all my shopping done. 

Enough of this romp around the "city sidewalks, busy sidewalks" crap. I want a mall with an Orange Julius in the Food Court and college boys posing inside of Abercrombie & Fitch. All shirtless. And interested.

In the meantime, I'll settle for the cutie in this video that Kevin over at actorschmactor sent me. Kevin is also quite a cutie...

...And one of two people I know currently performing David Sedaris' SantaLand Diaries, so if you're in Chicago or Orlando, buy a ticket or "They're all gonna laugh at you!"...

...and I'm sure Kevin agrees with me that this adorable guy has created the penultimate video for I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Thanks for sending him my way, Kevin.



See, you don't need the ghosts of Past, Present, Future and "What Was I Thinking When I Dated You And Put My Tongue There!" to get me out of my "Bah, Humbug!" mood. All it takes is a cute boy, some 50's kitsch and vodka.

And with enough vodka, the first two are negligible. Just being honest...

Friday, December 19, 2008

"This is a Mistake in Choice"


"First, the glibness about, 'Well, you know, it's just a bunch of gays being unhappy that people don't agree with them,' is wrong."

"If this was a preacher out there using moral weapons against African-Americans, we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

"Second of all, the fact that we're actually having this conversation means that this is a mistake in choice."

- Hilary Rosen on Anderson Cooper 360 discussing President-elect Barack Obama's decision for evangelical pastor Rick Warren to lead the invocation at next month's inauguration.

See the entire clip at Planet Homo.

"We Three Elves of Tennessee Are..."

Which one of my family's three Elf Yourself videos is the funniest?

Ah One... (Me workin' my K-Tel Disco moves!)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards



Ah Two... (My Mother kickin' it Country style!)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards



Ah Three... (My Brother Jeff doing The Charleston!)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards


Ah Three! They're all funny, but Jeff doing the Charleston makes me pee! 

Merry Christmas from The Family, y'all!

Fratboy Friday

On this Fratboy Friday before Christmas, remember that Santa Claus is watching you ("He's everywhere! He's everywhere!")...

BOYS IN CAPS

He sees you when you're sleeping...



****


SAGGERS

He knows when you're awake...

(Oh, good morning, Ryan. Merry Christmas.)



****


MOONERS

He knows if you've been bad or good...

(Hey, Santa's grabbing the guy's moon. It counts, it counts...)



****


DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

So be good...

And maybe Santa will bring you the elf on the far left.

(Hello, Gun Show!)

Happy Holidays, everyone!

"All the Single Ladies, Now Put Your Hands Up!"

Hey Shane Mercado - - you better watch out! There's a new girl in town dancing to Beyonce's video. And she's younger and cuter than you.

I know, I didn't think ANYONE could be younger or cuter than you, Shane, but here it is - - Arianna's version of "Single Ladies"...



Thursday, December 18, 2008

"If I Had One Wish This Holiday Season..."

A little something for Java at my life or something like it

We're both feeling a little "Bah, Humbug!" about the holidays and this little piece from Steve Martin on SNL years ago always makes me laugh. Hopefully, it will make her laugh, too.


"The Minority Possess Their Equal Rights"


"For 5,000 years, every culture and every religion -- not just Christianity -- has defined marriage as a contract between men and women. There is no reason to change the universal, historical definition of marriage to appease
2 percent of our population."


Those are the words of evangelical pastor Rick Warren, founder of the Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California and Obama's pick to deliver the invocation at his inauguration next month.

This, coupled with the horrific choice of Chicago Public School head Arne Duncan to be the next Secretary of Education, has me slightly worried about our President-elect.

Granted, he's miles above the shoe-dodging moron we've had for the past 8 years, but continuing No Child Left Behind would be a grave mistake for our country. And choosing a man to deliver the invocation who is against Gay Marriage is a slap in the face to gays and lesbians.

Note to Barack: Don't bitch slap a queen who is already pissed. Not if you value your life. And your hair style.

Note to Rick Warren: Gays and lesbians make up 10% of the population, not 2%. If you doubt it, just keep pissing us off and you'll feel our power.

And if you think that 90% of the population should be able to vote away the rights of 10% of the population, I urge you to remember the words of one of our Founding Fathers, Thomas Jefferson...

"All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression. "

"I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"

A few days ago, my friend Scot sent me to a web site that plays this song and I am in love with it.

Apparently, the Jonas Brothers have covered this song, which is a travesty.

Just like their cover of Poor, Unfortunate Souls.

The original is always the best. As we say in the South...

"Dance with the one
 that brung you!"


With a name like Gayla, it has to be good.





Thanks for the song, Scot! I will see you on Christmas Eve at Kristie's party, right? I hope so!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

"Dave, Where Did You Get the Wunder Boner?!?"

Chris posted this video on his blog, Slap & Tickle, last week and I can't get it out of my head. For so many reasons. Basically Chris, you had me at "Wunder Boner."



It's so sad when the one guys says, "My wife would like that". I mean, when you admit to your close friends that, on you, an inch doesn't even equal an inch, well... that's true courage.

I guess he simply got tired of hearing his wife say the same thing every night...

"Okay, I'm ready. It's in? Oh, you're done. Well... that was... fun...

"I'll be right back, I need to sit on the washing machine for awhile.

"The spin cycle is coming up."

'Atta girl.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

"Exit! Stage Left, Stephen!"

The rednecks of the Windy City Queercast are back, y'all!

Amy and I recorded our latest episode of the podcast this past Sunday night while downing margaritas and enchiladas at Uncle Julio's prior to seeing the opening night performance of The Seafarer at the Steppenwolf Theatre.

And while margaritas and Tony Award winning theatre doesn't sound all that white trash, trust me...

If anybody can bring the redneck into any and all occasions, its me and Amy!

Check us out! And be sure to check the Windy City Queercast site from time to time. I'm going to be blogging on there as well.

Philip came up with my blog heading for the Queercast: "Exit! Stage Left, Stephen!"

A little shout out to Snagglepuss. Thank you, Philip!

"What'll I Do?"

Check it out!  

Yesterday, I was one of the Five Things to Do Today at Time Out Chicago!

Well, "I" wasn't a thing to do. Not me personally. It was Porchlight Music Theatre's holiday sing-a-long and I was one of the performers. We had a blast last night!

No, if yesterday, "I" had been listed as one of the Five Things to Do Today at Time Out Chicago, I would be too exhausted to write this. I'd be recovering.

I'd have a smile on my face the size of Nebraska, but I'd be recovering. And grateful. Oh so grateful. 

"If You Need a Friend, I'm the One To Fly To"


He's not Superman, but he's not definitely Superboy either.

Maybe he's one of Kal-El's distant cousins. 

There are so many Kryptonians flying around these days in the New Krypton story arc, he could be anybody.

I don't know who he is, but I know this...

I love the happy trail.

I love it. 

And I want to touch his Superman symbol.

With my tongue. 

As a friend.

Monday, December 15, 2008

"Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Today in Chicago, the windchill factor is expected to reach as low as 20 to 25 degrees below zero. When I read that, three things popped into my mind...

1) I really need to move closer to the equator.

2) Can't we have just a LITTLE global warming? If a Chicago winter was warm enough so that my testicles stayed outside my body - - instead of retreating to a cozy, uncomfortable spot just beside my left lung - - would that be such a bad thing?

3) I remembered that David Sedaris once said...

"In Chicago, you have real winters. Anywhere you go after living in Chicago the winters are a joke, even New York and especially Paris. 

"In Chicago, you have life or death winters. A trip to the store or the commute to work is like a life and death struggle. 

"In Chicago, there were always times where, if the bus did not come in 5 minutes or less, 
I knew I was going to die." 


When I actually walk outside in all of this, only one thought will pop into my mind...

1) Holy Fuck, is it cold!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

"Santa Didn't 'Use to Do' Anything"

I posted this last year, but it definitely bears repeating.  

This is my favorite David Sedaris story - - Six to Eight Black Men

If you enjoyed any of the stories from his Holidays on Ice, you will love this comparison of our Santa Claus to the Dutch St. Nicholas.

David Sedaris' stories are always wonderful, but when he reads his own work as he does in these videos, nothing is funnier.






Saturday, December 13, 2008

"M-I-C... See You Real Soon..."

A blogger named Micky attempted to leave the following comment on one of my recent posts...


The link I've added to "shape shifting reptile"...

...a phrase which begs the question, "Does 'shape shifting reptile' have a hyphen?," as well as, "Did someone blow your pilot light out, Mr. Whack Job?"...

...is the link he chose to add to those words. 

It takes you to a site that is basically "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Satan But Were Too Intelligent to Ask." It's as if Micky isn't content just telling me to burn in Hell, he also suggests me as a friend on Satan's Facebook page. What a guy, huh?

Something tells me that this man doesn't particularly like me. Either that or he wants to date me. The line between those two things is extremely blurry for the men who come into my life.

No, let's face it, he just hates me because I'm a homosexual. And Micky, all I have to say is...

"Get in line, Mary. People started hating me because I'm gay when I was in the 5th grade.
 Wait your turn and try to be original when you insult me, okay?"

Micky's blog is entitled Born Again. All through it are quotes proclaiming that I can only get to Heaven by being born again in Jesus' name.

And yet, in Jesus' name, Micky chose to attack me by telling me to "Burn in Hell." Nice, very nice. Nothing says "Love thy neighbor," "Follow me to Heaven" and "WWJD?" quite like telling someone to "Burn in Hell," right Micky? (Oh and Micky, did you smell that last sentence? Yeah, that's sarcasm.)

How those who claim to follow the words of Jesus can go through life attacking others with pure hate - - never attempting to love, accept or understand anyone different from themselves - - is something that I will never understand.

Maybe Micky and his blog are made up. It could be a bizarre piece of internet fiction.  I'm sorry, but if Clay Aiken can father a child, anything is possible.

A quick scan of Micky's profile reveals that some of his favorite movies are My Fair Lady (gay), West Side Story (finger-snappin' gay), The Sound Of Music (people making clothes out of curtains gay), Legally Blonde (bend and snap while wearing pink gay) and Suddenly Last Summer (Katharine Hepburn bitch fighting with Elizabeth Taylor in a Tennessee friggin' Williams movie gay!).

And if that doesn't tell you which side of Micky's bread he likes others to butter, his favorite music listing includes Shirley Bassey, Connie Francis and the Pet Shop Boys. So, fiction or not...

Micky, wake up and smell the Astroglide.

"I Need Some Marijuana"

I was going to post one of the greatest holiday videos ever created in this post, but I just couldn't.

Because, unless you're physically and mentally prepared to watch a scene from the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special in which Bea Arthur plays a bartender in the Star Wars cantina who closes up for the night by - - what else - - bursting into song and crooning (croaking?) a tune entitled, "Goodnight, But Not Goodbye," you might become incontinent. 

I'm serious. They play that video to people suffering from catastrophic constipation. Heals 'em right up.

So, if your coffee isn't kicking in, go here to watch the Bea Arthur cantina song. It's replacing bran muffins.

In it's place, I present a brilliant prank call placed by a genius with a very gay soundboard.

Because to me, nothing says "Happy Holidays" quite like Bea Arthur calling complete strangers in a desperate attempt to score some pot. 



Friday, December 12, 2008

"Mix Margaritas When the Egg Nog's Gone"

In an effort to get into the spirit of the season (whatever the Hell THAT means...), I thought it might be a good idea to pass on a few of my favorite holidays videos.

I posted this one a couple of years ago, but it bears repeating. My father plays this song every year on Christmas Eve. And when I say that he plays it, I mean that he makes everyone in the room sit down, shut up and listen to the lyrics. As he sings along. While continuing to down his scotch on the rocks. And attempting (yet, not always succeeding) to stay in pitch.

Sounds cringe-worthy, but I actually look forward to it. Here's a little piece of Redneck Heaven - - Merry Christmas from the Family...



P.S. Also on Christmas Eve, my father makes us all watch Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation. We all sit and wait for our favorite line - - Cousin Eddie saying, "Shitter was full!

It's a holiday classic.

Fratboy Friday

BOYS IN CAPS

This is what a substitute teacher looks like
in The Land of My Dreams (a.k.a. "Gay Pornsville")




****


SAGGERS

Yeah, you're hot, but you'll never replace Mankini
Never!



****


MOONERS





****


DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

The Cowboy's Mid-Drinking Game Inner Monologue:

"If you'll be my Lil' Abner, I'll be your Daisy Mae."


Thursday, December 11, 2008

"Leia Follows Me Like a Vague Smell"

Yesterday, one of my favorite authors and one of my favorite people, Carrie Fisher, was on The Today Show promoting her new book (based on her one-woman show of the same name), Wishful Drinking.

I quote Carrie Fisher quite a bit...

"If my life wasn't funny, it was just be true - -
and that would be unacceptable."


Or one of my favorite lines from both her novel and her movie, Postcards from the Edge, is when Suzanne Vale's boyfriend says, "I don't like this particular side of you,"

"I'm not a box, I don't have sides.
This is it, one side fits all!"


But it was this quote from Carrie's mother, Debbie Reynolds, that made me howl with laughter yesterday.

You see, when Carrie's second husband, Bryan Lourd, left her for another man, Carrie called her mother and Debbie had this to say...

"We have all sorts of men in our family. We've had horse thieves and
one-man bands, but THIS IS OUR FIRST HOMOSEXUAL!"


If that doesn't make you want to run out and buy this book, I don't know what will!

Here are the two segments of Carrie on The Today Show. First, with yummy Matt Lauer...



...and then with Al Roker...


"When You (Beep) Me in the (Beep)"

The Jonas Brothers finally came out of the closet.

And they did it in the gayest possible way - - in song!

Well done, girls. Well done!


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

"Religion Is Far More of a Choice Than Homosexuality"

Last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart used his entire second segment with Mike (I Don't Heart) Huckabee to discuss the issue of Gay Marriage.

Mr. Stewart's argument in support of Gay Marriage is heartfelt and brilliant. He should be commended and praised for this segment.


Huckabee talks about marriage "anatomically," arguing that marriage is used to "create the next generation."

We're living on a planet that can barely sustain the ever-growing human population, and yet, the idea that two men or two women would, instead of creating new children, adopt children in need of a home and give them a stable and loving support system, is offensive and inconceivable to people like Huckabee. I guess if we don't procreate, then we are useless.

Jon Stewart's support of gay parents says it best...

"I would suggest that a loving, gay family with a financially secure background beats the Hell out of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline any day of the week."

"I Think Lance Bass Is Fruity"

As we all try to recover from yesterday's news about Rod Blagojevich hanging a "For Sale to the Highest Briber" sign on Barack Obama's soon-to-be vacant Senate seat, there couldn't be a better time to hear from Miss Lola Rose.

Here's her brand new video discussing Gay Hollywood, filmed by Miss Lola's lovely and talented daughter, Jill Abrams.




Tuesday, December 09, 2008

"Fire Those Fuckers"

According to the criminal complaint, "United States of America v. Rod R. Blagojevich and John Harris," if (soon to be former) Illinois Governor Blagojevich were ever to be interviewed by James Lipton on Inside the Actors Studio and was asked, "What's your favorite curse word?," Rod's answer would undoubtedly be, "Fuck!"

Check out these highlights from Rod's wiretapped conversations (compiled by Novid Parsi on the Time Out Chicago blog). Gov. Blagojevich said...

"If they don’t perform, fuck ’em."

"It’s a political fuckin’ operation in there."

"Fire those fuckers."

"Fire all those fucking people.
Get ’em
the fuck out of there."

(The Senate seat) “is a fucking valuable thing."

"I’ve got this thing, and it’s fucking golden,
and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up
for fuckin’ nothing."


"…before I just give fucking [Senate Candidate 1]
a fucking Senate seatand I don’t get anything."


"If they feel like they can do this and not fucking give me anything…
then I’ll fucking go [Senate Candidate 5]."


And my personal favorite (because it's so completely anti-Southern)...

"They’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation.
Fuck them."


Nice, Blago. Real fuckin' nice.

And as if all of that doesn't tell you that Rod is a complete sleaze, here's what he had to say about President-elect Barack Obama...

"Motherfucker…
Fuck him.… Fuck him.”


Oh, Rod. Very soon, you're not going to be fucking anybody anymore. Soon, Sir, it will be time for YOU to get fucked. Hard and deep. Without lube. And your name will be, "Bitch."

As my father says, "Paybacks are motherfuckers."